Friday, January 30, 2004

[[o happy happy day...]]

as the salt in my body,
i'm giving up slowly.
the hour and injury.
and i am unholy!

street smart like a sailor.
worldly like a whore.

worldly like a sailor.
street smart like a whore.

permanent sleep is my only cure.
if it's all the time,
it won't hurt anymore.
if you can't help me, no one can.



lets see... can anyone guess what kind of mood im in??? not a good one i can guarantee you that ... im just blah i feel wicked bad for jeff cuz he had a fire and stuff and no his house is all wrecked and i guess he is coming over for dinner ... hmm o well i dunno really wat to say i did have a good day im just not in a good mood and im really really really worried about stuff like bad but o well i guess ill just leave you and ill try to look some stuff up ok love you bye

Thought of you at... |5:29:00 PM|

[[This is Jessica]]

I'm writting on this because i was very distraught that michelle wrote about joe more than me! I no you have to love the ugly people in the world too but damn i'm just so good-looking i no i am on yr mind all the time!!! Its okay i really dont mind cuz eveyone wants me im just too good for you but maybe someday it may not be too soon but maybe some day ill let you touch my tatas and just maybe if yr good at that ill let you touch my haha!! just kidding i'm in lust with Ryan!!! isnt that sad!! but michelle nust remember put it in yr mouth and spit dont swallow no matter what yr mom says... so adam i no yr gonna read this..... so ill just tell you now that yr woman is really a man she has the biggest penis you would not believe haow huge that sucker is. I had the hardest time trying to fit it in my mouth... dont be mad next time we will call you i promise and you could stick it in her butt she likes it that way!!! but hey be4 i forget watch out yr girlfriend got some shit on her lip!!! and it not a blister can you say sexually transmitted diseases???? Michelle sure can but hey ill let you tap ne ways whenever you want it okay the hallway is always open.. So if you and yr man need dancing lessons call me and ill sign you up...... but i g2g love me cuz yr not good enough to be loved (well yeah you r but only when yr on yr knees) love you !!! Jess




Thought of you at... |1:33:00 PM|

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Thursday, January 29, 2004

[[*SIGH*]]

this computer is so slow lol its really depressing like i cant even see my text because im typeing faster than my computer can put them out on the screen how messed up is taht lol my dad really needs to fix this thing i really want my old computer back it may not be the best but its better than this becasue i cant listen to music and like .. talk or look at something on the internet .. its sad... like yea ok well my day was good and i had a good lunch but im not in a good mood and ... im worried about some stuff ... like really worried and its not making me feel anybetter at all its bad really bad ... and ive been thinking alot ... which im sure isnt that great either well i must go

Thought of you at... |5:04:00 PM|

[[new blog]]

hey notice anything different about my thing... yea i changed it now its all like spiff and stuff cuz me and heather were going through the html and changed all of the colors and the text it looks cool at least i think so and no you can post something on it if you want heather found that too its cool ok im gonna go bye

Thought of you at... |1:12:00 PM|

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Tuesday, January 27, 2004

[[If love is a labor, I'll slave till the end.]]

holla... yea... i feel like so dumb compared to everyone else right now ... like when i get excited about something so small and it makes me happy they are like thats dumb michelle shut the F up ... it makes me sad... i like appreciating the little things and no one understands that beacsue its good but it could be better... and they have to rub it in my face that they have everything better than i do why maybe its more pms... o well its sad... and no one reads my thing anymore o well no one cares...

I think it's time to move.
The winters so cold,
the summers over to soon.
So lets pack our bags
and settle down where palm trees grow.

i hate winter... if we dont have school im gonna cry .. i really rather have school because im so sick of sitting home alone with the boy playing sims in my pjs... i wanna go out places and see things... some ppl just think everything is awesome because they have privaleges that i dont ... teh ... ill deal... i can walk places... it doesnt bother me ... but if you could drive michelle that would be cool... yea it would be cool considering that fact that if i had gotten my permit by now I STILL WOULDNT BE DRIVING because im younger and all this bragging is pissing me the fuck off .. o yea i can drive here and go out to dinner here ... cuz I CAN DRIVE... well ass hole i cant so i dont care ... im done bye

Thought of you at... |11:28:00 AM|

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Monday, January 26, 2004

[[IVE BEEN WORSE]]

im kinda good kinda bad but more good than bad which is good... lol i think ... lol
its the calm before the storm... im gonna be hitting the dot soon HOORAY lol but then ill get over the pms and illjust be in pain for a few days and ill be fine ... anyways i have a good song to share with you ill highlight the good points:

Am I loud and clear,
or am I breaking up.
Am I still your charm,
or am I just bad luck.
Are we getting closer,
or are we just getting more lost.

I'll show you mine
if you show me yours first.
lets compare scars
I'll tell you whose is worse
lets unwrite these pages
and replace them with our own words

We live on front porces,
and swing life away.
We get by just fine here on minimum wage.
If love is a labor,
I'll slave till the end.
I wont cross these streets
untill you hold my hand.

Been here so long
I think it's time to move.
The winters so cold,
the summers over to soon.
So lets pack our bags
and settle down where palm trees grow.

I've got some friends,
some that I hardly know.
We've had some times,
I wouldnt trade for the world.
We chase these days down,
with talks of places that we will go.

We live on front porces,
and swing life away.
We get by just fine here on minimum wage.
If love is a labor,
I'll slave till the end.
I wont cross these streets
untill you hold my hand.

Swing life away



lol i love this song and it says that money doesnt make everyone happy as long asyou got the ones around you that care then you will always be happy... unless your pmsing lol ok i must go my duties call... or not bye

Thought of you at... |1:58:00 PM|

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Thursday, January 22, 2004

[[meh]]

MEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHH

TODAY HAS BEEN THE WORST NOT LIKE LAST NIGHT WAS ANY BETTER BUT THAT IS A DIFFERENT STORY ALL TOGETHER that I really don't wanna get into ... Well this morning I was pretty sad from last night to begin with but I mean whatever then I walk on the bus and fall up the stairs and I scraped my knuckle and my shin ... not cool and from the embarassment i was about to cry ... again like i dont do enough of that but ... whatever ... and i felt like an ass to begin with then i was like i dunno an ASSSS like that it was so bad i just wanted to jump off a bridge but i got over it and then my medicine made me drowsy all day and all dizzy and stuff and i was like blah and then in chemisty we had to make our own labs and that waas a chore... o well well i guess i dont have anything else to talk about but ... i can tell you my mood isnt gonna get better because im gonna go to jeffs which is something i could do with out then go home where my mom is and deal with her and hear her guilt trips then ill sit around for a few hours waiting for adam to call and that will be the highlight of my day... adam calling me not like it is a bad thing i like when he calls me ok well joe wants to say something...


then the sun comes out and shes all happy again...have u ever actually read one of these??? they sound like shes always depressed...and shes gotta stop that... n e who the suns out (not really) but it should be and she should be happy not sad! i thinik im done - from joe

joe is ... weird

im out good bye ... for now ... DUN DUN dun

Thought of you at... |11:59:00 AM|

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Tuesday, January 20, 2004

[[its been awhile]]

its so cold in school... and my nose is stuffy... story of my life actually it isnt really but it just wanted to say it anyways cuz it sounded cool im taking a test in english


I LOVE MICHELLE - JOE

yes its random but joe did it... o well anyways the test in ebglish is easy ... i dont wanna go to jeffs today cuz its so cold out and im so stuffy... but at least i dont have to read that stupid seven habits book which is pretty good yea but im stuffy and and it sucks yea melissa showed me this poem and its called ah god how your little finger moved lol its gross but its funny i think im gonna have to call verizon about my phone and its problems with the voice mail.... meh im gonna go bye

Thought of you at... |11:57:00 AM|

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Wednesday, January 14, 2004

[[ok new one]]

hey all umm everythingis good and stuff i wanna share something with you lol its a quote but id unno if you will understand but ive been thinking about this alot lately :

You laugh at every word, trying hard to be cute.
I almost feel sorry for what I'm gonna do.
And your hair smells of smoke.
Who will cast the first stone?
You can sin or spend the night all alone.
Brass buttons on your coat hold the cold in the shape of a heart that they cut out of stone.
You're using all your looks that you've thrown from the start.
If you let me have my way, I swear I'll tear you apart.
Cause it's all you can be.
You're a drunk and you're scared.
It's ladies night.
All the girls drink for free.



like i no alot of whoever read this might not no what night im talking about but its something that happened a year ago this february vaca im not gonna post it on the blog becasue its kind of private but maybe you might understand by this hint o well umm i had a good day so far its fn cold out like -4 with a windchill of -25 what the f is that about im asking you lol i hate this cold weather :

The time has come for colds and overcoats.
We're quiet on the ride,
we're all just waiting to get home.
Another week away, my greatest fear.
I need the smell of summer,
I need its noises in my ears.


yea all these quotes it may even look like i wrote alot lol well im gonna go watch heather and joe play a game its kinda fun o yea i cut my self yesterday right well i ripped off hte peice of skin that was hanging off cuz melissa and joe like made me and adam did too but he wasnt in shop when i did it ok im gonna go bye

Thought of you at... |12:58:00 PM|

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Tuesday, January 13, 2004

[[HELLO CHILDREN]]

HEY I HAD A SUPER DUPER LUNCH TODAY ... CEPT FOR THE FACT I GUESS I WAS PISSING ADAM OFF BECAUSE I WAS BLAMING STUFF ON HIM EVEN THO I WASNT AND I WAS JSUT SAYING STUFF ... I WASNT EVEN LIKE WHAT THE FUCK THIS PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH... EVEN THO HE DIDNT WANT ME TO GET PISSED OFF I AM I MEAN IF I DID IT TO HIM HE WOULD BE PISSED AND IF HE WOULDNT BE PISSED THEN I DUNNO WHAT THE FUCK TO SAY GOD DAMNIT WHAT THE FUCK .... GRR
ANYWAYS ... I HAVENT HAD THE BEST DAY EITHER THIS PROGRAMMING SHIT REALLY SUCKS ASS AND I CANT DO IT CUZ ITS TOO HARD AND I NEED TO TALK TO THE TEACHER AGAIN BUT I NEED TO COLLECT MY NERVES... EVEN JOE WAS LIKE WHAT WAS RONG WITH ADAM AND IM LIKE THE I DUNNO ITS DUMB I GUESS... AT LEAST IT HINK SO ... BUT I GUESS ME AND ADAM ARE GONNA NEED A NOTHER 5 HOUR LONG TALK ... THIS SUCKS ... BYE


"ITS HURTS TO ALWAYS HAVE TO BE HONEST WITH THE ONE THAT YOU LOVE": BRAND NEW - OKAY I BELIEVE YOU BUT MY TOMMY GUN DON'T

Thought of you at... |12:58:00 PM|

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Monday, January 12, 2004

[[HEY ]]

HELLO CHILDREN umm i have to share this with you and this is kinda how i feel i wish that you would read it if you want to anyways here it is:

spent too many hours, holding up walls
standing in corners and clenching my jaw.
Watching you watching the ones that I wanted to be.
Blaming this all on a moment,
blaming this all on my views,
blaming the mood of the music,
blaming it all on you. All on you and me.
All on you and me.

Just because you said what you wanted
doesn't make it right.
Just because the moment was heated
doesn't mean that I wanted to fight,
and even though I saw your anger,
even though I saw your face,
the words that you cited were chosen,
not thinked, not spoken in haste.
All on you and me. All on you and me.

Just for the moment,
just one more time,
just one more second and we'll be just fine,
this could be just, be just in case it's the last time.
Just for the moment,
Just one more time,
Just one more second and we'll be just fine,
This could be the last time...

Just until sundown,
just one more day I could hold you,
that I could hold you,
Just until sundown,
just one more day I could hold you,
without you,
pushing me away.
All on you,
And me.

yea i have highlgighted the points to show you what is the direct point of that quote like itd would cool if you read the whole thing but im not gonna push you into it ... and sorry if you all take it the wrong way but thats how i feel damnit and if you dont like it than shove it up your butt ok mi out then bye

Thought of you at... |1:12:00 PM|

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Wednesday, January 07, 2004

[[feeling better because its a new day and things have been talked through a little]]

alright everything is goin better than it had been goin a couple of days ago and im excited for friday ... hooray i hope i can get through this all by friday and everything will be back to normal agani... well the normalness that it was eya so im jsut sitting here with melissa and joe and i guess its kinda cool... o yea i have to wear this breacelet till friday and then we have to tell the truth until then its gonna be nuts but kinda fun andi hope i dont do anything dumb my bracelet has a purple flower on it well im gonna go so ttyl bye

Thought of you at... |12:02:00 PM|

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Monday, January 05, 2004

[[im tryin]]

me and kristyn hung out for a bit it was fun i guess ... well the most fun i had all day and it was only like 45 mins woohoo yea but i guess it was good for what it lasted and then my mom bitched at me cuz ive been playing video games so much its sad like this umm this :-( yea ... my life is a sad thing ... f this im leaving bye

Thought of you at... |5:27:00 PM|

[[hey]]

wow today is the worst day ever i feel like im gonna cry but ive been trying to keep my composure a little bit ... well haha i dont even have to say why i feel like this its just cuz i guess everyone knows... maybeits all for the best and i kinda knew that this was gonna happen sooner or later ... i just cant beleive it and now i thought i had braced my self for it because i knew it was gonna happen but it still hurt becasue i didnt want it to this isnt funnie at all its really sad and im very depressed and no one really gives a damn and everyone tells me to get over it but i dont wanna its relly not a big deal but its a big deal to me its like everything came crashing down in one moment... maybe im just bein over dramatic maybe not idunno but think im gonna go soon cuz im at lunch ... on a lighter side i have a new related teacher which is cool well not cuz ppl are already starting to give him an attitude and he cant handle it i can guarantee you that he wont last long becasue we are bad kids lol and when we want something we will give the worst attitude until we get it and we ahve to do all these like printer spacing charts and stuff and he isnt explaining it ... i dunno its making me sadder o well im gonna go now ...i guess ill ttyl bye ... i dont think me and adam can be friends i really need my space for a little while i dont think sitting on the bus together is a good idea it feels so akward and its weird and i dont like the feeling i get when im around him its so negative and i dont like it i really wish i could get some alone time from hime ok i think im really gonna go now bye

Thought of you at... |12:00:00 PM|

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Sunday, January 04, 2004

[[this good mood is just getting all the more better]]

hey all i iwsh i had better news to report.. well i finished my project almost which is kinda good right... i hope so lol it better be good cuz i dunno
no one wants to talk to me ... cuz i d unno maybe i talk too much so .. i duno i dont wanna write anything anymoer right now bye

Thought of you at... |5:08:00 PM|

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Saturday, January 03, 2004

[[a doubting feeling ... i hope is subsides]]

you no how i was like "i dunno me and adam .. are doin good ... i guess ... im not too worried about it tho" i think im getting worried about it .. i hope im not losing interest in him cuz i no thats not what i wasnt ... i wanna be with him... i wish i could talk to somone about htis because some ppl seem to help me in these situtations but i no if i talk to most of my friends ... they will just tell me to leave him becasue they dont like him ... so i have no one to talk to and all im doin is sitting here and listening to brand new and other sad songs and its like not making thigs much better PLEASE SOMONE I WISH YOU WOULD HELP ME WITH MY DILEMA ... please? fine dont help me and ill jsut be sad for a week ... you all suck bye ... p.s. im sorry for being a whiney bitch ... i guess ill go and work on my project ... text me i guess if you wanna help me with my problems ... but i no everyone is doin their own thing this vaca and ive just been sitting home ... playing sims which im sure isnt good AT ALL ok im gonna go i need to calm down good bye

Thought of you at... |8:17:00 PM|

[[its been awhile but its for the best]]

Keep the noise low, She doesn’t want to blow it.
Shaking head to toe while your left hand does "the show me around"
Quickens your heartbeat, It beats me straight into the ground
You don’t recover from a night like this.
A victim, still lying in bed - completely motionless.
A hand moves in the dark to a zipper.
Hear a boy bracing tightagainst sheets barely whisper,
"This is so messed up."
Upon arrival the guests had all stared,
Dripping wet and clearly depressed, he'd headed straight for the stairs.
No longer cool, but a boy in a stitch.
Unprepared for a life full of lies and failing relationships.
(Up the stairs, the station where the act becomes the art of growing up.)
He keeps his hands low,
He doesn't wanna blow it.
He's wet from head to toe, and his eyes give her the up and the down.
His stomach turns, and he thinks of throwing up
But the body on the bed beckons forward, and he starts growing up.

The fever, the focus,
The reasons that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell.
The tickle, the taste of...
It used to be the reason I breathe,
but now it's choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.

She hits the lights,
This doesn't seem quite fair.
Despite everything he learned from his friends, he doesn't feel so prepared.
She's breathing quiet and smooth,
He is gasping for air.
"This is the first and last time", he says
She fakes a smile, and presses her hips into his.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
He's holding back from telling her exactly what it really feels like.
He is the lamb, she is the slaughter.
She's moving way too fast, and all he wanted was to hold her.
Nothing that he tells her is really having an effect.
He whispers that he loves her, but she's probably only looking for...
(Up the stairs, the station where the act becomes the art of growing old.)
So much more than he could ever give,
A life full of lies and meaningful relationships.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides,
He waits for it to end and for the aching in his gut to subside.

The fever, the focus,
The reason that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.
The tickle, the taste of
It used to be the reason that I breathed,
but now it's choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.

Up the stairs, the station where the act becomes, the art of growing old.

The fever, the focus,
The reason that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.
The tickle, the taste of
It used to be the reason that I breathed,
but now it's choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.


sorry i jsut wanted to share that with you its a good song and it reminds me of stuff but its a good song anyways umm i dunno shits been alright like christmas was good new years was alright and the rest of my vaca has totally been boring ... i dunno me and adam .. are doin good ... i guess ... im not too worried about it tho im eating cold pizza last night i was up till 3 in the morning

my sleeping is getting fucked up again which means when school starts ill be sleeping through all of my class my mom made this pizza its pretty good ... i got american wedding its pretty good ... i liked it its better than the other ones ... i feel so empty lol
... lol its so random but its true ... i no no one is reading this anymore cuz i dont go online alot but ... i really feel empty and its sad ... i dunno o well ... i wish i could be in a good mood ... when ever that is like ... lol probably tomorro lol o well im gonna go try and play some video gameage yea ... so i guess ill ttyl bye

Thought of you at... |12:39:00 PM|

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Location: Webster, Massachusetts, United States

I'll be your friend in hell, until then I despise you. And I probably always will. I cant afford to make another mistake like this. Cause this is more than I can take. I don't mean to leave angry, this is by your own device. I'm sure this comes as no surprise.

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