Wednesday, June 30, 2004

[[im so depressed eck?]]

what the fuck yea its summer and now i have to be at my house at 830 ... yea i no how ridiculous that sounds and i got bitched at because fucking aijas parents and my mom doesnt trust them ... its not my fault my best friends parents do drugs ... wtf i just want to be able to like go out and not have to worryu about coming home before sunset ... yeap ... wtf ... im like all sad and depressed and i hate being yelled at :'( and i have no one to talk to cuz ... i dunno no one wants to talk to me but whatever ... i hate everyone anyways

Thought of you at... |9:19:00 PM|

[[fuckin a]]

yea so i get up at 8 oclock after being up till lke 2 playing with garrett online and stuff ... so aija can tell me shes tired lol what the eff im fucking tireder than her ... i had less sleep so i dunnbo i went back to sleep for a few hours and she did too and she still doesnt wanna get up ... wtf

Thought of you at... |11:02:00 AM|

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Tuesday, June 29, 2004

[[good day with good people]]

ok well this is how it went...

well aija woke me up at like 10 cuz i slept in ... i thought it was saturday lol ... but she came over at like i dunno 1230 after givving her dad some directions to like a rehab place ... so like he left and me and aija excercised ... well i talked to garrett and told him when to call and when we would be at aijas ... so we get done working out and we walk to aijas ... so we get there and we use the key to go down stairs .. by this time her parents ahd left to bring her bro to rehab they left around two ... so we just scoped stuff out and looked at wat was left ... so we came back up stairs and waited for garrett to come so he came and me and him went down stairs to pick up the left overs .. and brought it up so we start downing koolaid ... yea it sucks cuz im a pussy lol yea it was funnie tho lol ... i must have looked like an ass but watever but today garrett totaly made the first move which was sooo awesome ... hes wicked cute and all emo hott .. which is hott cuz it is... so i dunno we were all ... i dont really remember but i chilled with garrett in trents room for a while ... like kissing and stuff not diking it out ... so yea i duno i dont remember but my mom called and was liek i want you home at 830 so like i was like shit i need bread so i like ate a loaf of bread ... which is like ridiculous and i made like a huge ass mess lol ... but watever so like we ended up watching the ring and like yea it was cool ... and i liked chlling with garrett .. o yea and he all had a condom in his wallet which i didnt even relize till like lol he said something about it lol and i was like all amazed by it i was like o man so like o yea aija and garrett where trying to get chad to come home early from work lol
they were gonna drive the car cuz they couldnt call lol ... that was funnie lol and then like i dunno he got a hold of chad and he couldnt come till a little later ... so like i duno i like dragger garrett into trents room again and was like hard core kissing him lol and like trent walked in the house and aijas was like HEY TRENT WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOME lol and i was liek shit so i like ran out of his room lol and i wa slike what the fuck and garrett came after me lol and aijas mom was like why is everyone coming out of trents room and trent was like they were listening to my stereo ... o man if it wasnt for that kid i dunno where we would be ... he is a good kid ... so yea i dunno it was funnie so i guess trent isnt going to rehab all the clinics are like full i guss ... but watever so like chad came like 15 mins after aijas mom came home lol so it sucked for them so then like we all walked me home and aija and chad like turned around like way before garrett did lol ... so garrett walked me most of the way home and kissed me good bye ... hes a good kisser but i dunno if he wants to han gout with me ... cuz i dont no if his sarcasm has any truth behind it i really do like hanging out with him and i dont want it to last just two weeks i just dont want to say that to him cuz i dunno if it would be weird ... and creepy not that im not already weird and creepy and geeyy and stuff but watever im so out ... i think im gonna make a pizza o man im hungry

Thought of you at... |9:18:00 PM|

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Monday, June 28, 2004

[[im so hormonal ...eck]]

grr everything is getting on my nerves and like im snapping every second and like my face is all icky and my body has broken out and i just feel gross its icky and like .. i just wanna cry cuz my skin hurts soo bad like im seriously scared to take a shower ... and i put some stuff on it and it felt like i was pouruing salt on an open wound yea it tickles that much ... its ridiculous i just wanna be like comforted right now ... like held and be told itll be ok cuz i have a docters appt comming up for my skin which is uber cool but im gonna go cuz im talking to garrett and its hard to put my thoughts down when i talk to people

Thought of you at... |9:10:00 PM|

[[times and my feelings ]]

aija: 9:31
michelle: 8:52


o man im wicked pissed off the fucking boy is gonna die and everyone is just annoying the fuck outta me ... what the hell and my mom is gonna call me and bich me out becuase the boy is a fucking douche and i hate him fucking a grrr and my body is soo gross all of my skin is dry and im breaking out and i just feel gross and it hurts so bad to take a shower like im seriously fearing taking a shower today ... it hurts that bad wtf i hate this shit ...

Thought of you at... |12:11:00 PM|

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Sunday, June 27, 2004

[[i love scotch ... scotchy scotchy scotch]]

thats a weird werd to spell lmao ... yea i was watching some commercial and it made me laugh and it hurts to type cuz fucking aija closed myhand in a fucking door ... but watever we hung out with chad and garrett and it was funnie they are such goobs its hilarious ... they are really cool .. and garrett is a really good kisser lol ... yeap good good stuff and chad is weird ... and garrett and chad took off their clothes at the condos but it was funnie yea well im gonna go and thinka bout stuff cuz im geyy and dumb and cute all at the same time

Thought of you at... |10:31:00 PM|

[[interesting]]

LakAiRiDer1024: i though you were cute just like you thought i was
michelle95839849: lol i looked like a crazed whore
LakAiRiDer1024: a cute crazed whore


so i guess im a cute crazed whore lol

Thought of you at... |12:42:00 PM|

[[holy crap ... children ]]

ok yea so yesterdayuhh after hanging out with aija and doing our stuff well dean called sometime and told my i was babysitting so i was like watever i totally dont have anything better to do anyways so then i called kristyn to see if she could comebut her moms crazy so she couldnt lol so then like i left myhouse and i talked to den for awhile about this and that and everything but yea theni took a shower and was off to millbury with 3 boys all under the ages of 9 ... yea exciting ... they are the most annoying children ever ... so i dunno i watched them andi just like slept there so it would be easier for my parents and dean so they wouldnt have to stay up late worrying about silly old me ... so then i dunno i woke up at like 10 this morning and i was liek shit ... aijas gonna be so confused because she doesnt no where i am and i have caleld her so i looked at my fone and it said i got two missed calls and i called her back and told her brother to have her call me and i dunno but i guess he didnt then i called back an hour later and she was gone so now im sitting here wishing i dindt sleep there ... it sucked cuz i woke up to three screaming boys ... o man and i need to take a shower ... and all kinds of shit like that ... RIDICULOUS o well im out so i can take a shower maybe ill go running tonight that would be coul if my mom would let me...

cya

Thought of you at... |11:18:00 AM|

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Saturday, June 26, 2004

[[... good night ... ]]

ok yea so yesterday we worked out and stuff and hung out with garrett and chad ... it was coul there was some fnl not much tho and they did whatever they did lol and it made them tired wich was uber gey but anyways this is what happened...

ok so we left aijas house and went to like that feild by that church and they did their roling their and like i made my name in the dirt and it said chell and then i put is cool cuz im that cool ... so yea then we left and me and aija got a drink at price chopper and then we walked to the beach and the guys left to do their thing andme and aija went and chilled on the swing and there was this crazy guy that was walking around screaming cristian music it was so funni eand aija was like i wanna talk to him ... yea he shut her down tho ... he was too into the jesus but yea anyways the guys got back and like we got attacked by bugs so we sat on the beach and then me and garrett were throwing rocks at the seaguls ... an like i chased geese so i could show those fuckers that geese hiss ... cuz they do ... so then we bounced outta that hsit and went to the other side were the bridge was and like i got lost and i was confused and somone said i was gettind ditched or i ditched somne i really dont remember ...i dunno but like then garrett like went on the pole on the bridge and i was like howd you walk veritcally up that hes like you just have to hold on and walk up it ... it was reall hard to get up cuz i was sore it was such a bitch but it was like worth it lol i almost fell off lol ... bt yea then like i jumped off and was sitting on a bench and aija wanted to get on it and i was like dude wtf lol and it was hard ass fer her cuz she had on some tight sausage dress ... yea that tight ... so i helped her and she didnt even go in the middle and she wa slike on the end and bitchin like o man its soo ohigh and im like not really douchey mcgee ... yea then i duno chad helped her off and me and garrett bounced from there and sat on the flag chair and i had to keep him up that fucker ... but likei duno we talked about how i was albino and like that some bird was my national flag ... and then i like stole his belt and like he ran after me and i gave it to aija and she ran and garretts pants fell off funnie funnie shit lol ... so yea then we went back to chilling and we talked baotu how the birds wanted to dike it out withhim .. even tho you cant cuz birds dont have tits .. but then like we ended up at the park at the beach and aija and chad went swimming and then like me and garrett like were talking about how are houses were better but mine was better by like a hundred bnillion percentcuz it fit two people and his was just a fucking tube ... and it was gay ... but yea ... uhh i kissed garrett... but uhh yea then we like ran to the bowling alley like sprinted but only me and aija cuz it was like raining and thundering and when we got to the bowling alley we were soaked like hard core and we chilled at the bowlin alley till her dad picked us up and we came home and it was raining out so hard you could barely see 1 foot in front of you it was ridiculous and really dangerous so we like sprinted ass into the house and we dried off but aija was late coming in cuz her brother was showing her something ... whatever so we like took clothes off and got them dried and everything whichwas nice and i dunno we jsut like chilled on aijas bed .. and totally just ... uhh chilling kinda??? i duno it was fun tho hanging out with garrett and chad fun fun stuff and like i dunno they are funnie and cool i hope we can hang out with them again if they actually want to ... that owuld be cool tho hanging out with them ... lol yea im rambling but they didnt wanna leave when they had to ... they had to be home at 11 and they had to get to school street from here and they left like at the last possible moment cuz chads sister wouldnt give him a ride which is gay ... so i was like watever ... it was such a good night tho i had sooo much fun ... it was better than alot of nights that ive had but it was good it felt like a good normal person night not like a fnl night which is really really good ...


trent is probably theee coolest little kid i no but im outtie like now cyaz bye

Thought of you at... |10:29:00 AM|

[[running times]]

aija : 11:07
chell: 9:45

our best times ever ... werd

Thought of you at... |10:19:00 AM|

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Friday, June 25, 2004

[[times]]

chell : 10:12
Aija: 11:11

getting better

Thought of you at... |10:31:00 AM|

[[im not running yet ... ]]

ok so yea this is how yesterday went ... aija left my house for her doctor appt and i stayed home and showered and got ready and ... we were supposed to hang out with garret kid and chad and like garret was supposed to call but never did i really dindt care ... but watever and like finally i get a hold of aija and im like do you want me to come over and shes like yea sure so i did and we hung out and the guys didnt come till 7 and of course my mom had to be dumb and tell me i had to be home at 9 RIDICULOUS i was like yea its summer and shes like i dont carei want some control back in the house i wanna no what your doing who your with and all that ... teh watever i dont no it was fucking gey and i was pissed and like watever we jsut hung out and we are supposed to hang out today but i cant call aija so ... i duno how im gonna get her up to go fucking running or anything and i have to go to jeffs and clean... what the eff ... and i dunno all this other crap but my mom is letting me sleep over aijas which is a plus from like not letting me unless she bes more dumb and is like no you cant go and then id be all like o man death but yea i think fnl tonigth .. which is weird but whatever its gonnajsut be a bitch to wake up on saturday morning sob... o well im outtie bitched bye

Thought of you at... |8:13:00 AM|

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Thursday, June 24, 2004

[[another runners entry]]

kill me please the pain is sooooooo bad holy eff

aija 11:32
chell 10:30

Thought of you at... |9:32:00 AM|

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Wednesday, June 23, 2004

[[o man ill be sore in the morning]]

ok yea so uhh i did so much shit and you see that my mile under 10 i cant believe it i couldnt even do that good on cross country .. but tomroro is gonna suck because we only have till 1 to work out which blows and we are gonna run and do as much shit as we can get done im totally gonna get her ass up early lol ... yea im awesome but yea so aija is resting because we just ate a shit load of dinner good shit too cuz we havent really eaten anything today so yea umm then we are gonna walk to my house so i can uhh get some shit and take a quick quick shower hells yeaa cuz i probably stinkkkk lol lol yea anywaas im out ok bye

Thought of you at... |6:22:00 PM|

[[]]

ok well these are me and aijas times really realy bad


michelle 9:50
aija 11:20

Thought of you at... |12:57:00 PM|

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Tuesday, June 22, 2004

[[... ok more stuff ]]

uhhmmm today was alright ... my last day of school as a junior ... but yea im kinda sad but happy and excited in a way cuz this summer is gonna be kick ass me aija and joe were all already planning our adventure to 6 flags o man its gonna be awesome and me and aija re gonna go shopping for our 20 day rehab/detox/umm work out thing lol watever all i no is we are gonna look soo good ... nto all like white and pasty and chubbed out ... noo its gonna be hott hells yea ok yea so aija is passed out in my parents room cuz shes all like tired and shit so i was liek go and sleep in my moms room lol so she is lol but o well im gonna go and watch some tv for a bit and then wake her up cuz she is pretty tired i feel kinda bad for bugging her all day ... o k well im gonna go ttyl bye

Thought of you at... |2:00:00 PM|

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Monday, June 21, 2004

[[... this is what happens when i let my mind wander]]

now im gonna share with you wat is going through my head right now unless i get interrupted with my thoughts ...

this afternoon as i was walking home i had a sudden thought that arose in my head ... it wasnt a good one it was more of a preminition of sorts ... but not totally ... i dont really no what it was ... more of a sinking feeling in my stomach about this summer... not that o man its gonna suck cuz its gonna be boring more of a tragety or death occuring something earth shattering and life changing ... i dunno realy what it was but it really hit me ... it hit my like being punch in the stomach the wind was knocked out of me ... i really dont no what made me come to this conclusion of tragety ... but it hit hard something that felt familiar ... like hollowness as if i lost a part of myself ... and as i sit here and think about how much i want somone to take me away from my thoughts ... the thoughts that have been continueing sense saturday night ... thoughts that are familiar and hollow ... it hurts for me to think about them ... and why was i even thinking them ... no its not some ex bf or shit like that its deeper than that ... i hate that has consumed me for as long as i can remember and it started to lash out again ... but why what brought this upon ... maybe the excess of drugs or excess of not caring and it was a way for my body to send chills of awakening into me ... for that i really dont no ... but i really hope that i never have to think that again ... its such a cold and hollow feeling ... i will never be good enough i always knew i would never be able to be an awesome person to myself but now i fear that i cant be an awesome person to anyone else and maybe tahts nothing to some of you ... but thats all i got ... thats what im good at i am a people person and i cant be fucking off and sayingi dont care because its gonna fuck with my people person abilities that i pride my self on ... my ability to get along with everyone and now that ive been fucking around and stepping on who ever the fuck i want and only caring about my self and my problems i think that i have hurt more than i should have ... for what me to be happy ... its only a hollow happiness and it makes me sick ...


yea thats what i was thinking about when i was walking home and im gonna try to fix this shit over the summer this is wat im gonna do

* study for sats
* get permit
* apply to some jobs
* get a job
* work out for cross country
* look kick ass for next school year
* become a better person and more considerate of others and their feelings

i think thats it ... ill add more to wat i see fit and ill start writing down my times for running and my weight and everything so i can keep track im gonna really redo my self this summer an dim gonn be better .. .no mater what...

Thought of you at... |5:06:00 PM|

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Sunday, June 20, 2004

[[fire hydrants to dogs ... whats next ]]

ok so im still a little out of it and still regretting everything from this weekend and wishing i could jsut push the rewind button i need to et back on track .. hard core.. like i wanna put down a clean slate and start over ... i really need to because this weekend has really opened my eyes and shown me what i dont wanna be ... yea cuz like seein shit like that and like walking around at night and hearing alarms and seeing lights and shit not a good idea to do and be in a postion for that to happen i wanna be normal again lay low for a bit and get shit straight ... i only have a day and half left of school and this summer im gonna get back on track i have to cuz i cant keep fucking up like this ... sorry for repeating my self ... im just still not all here i need to get my bearings in order ... ok well im out ill ttyl love ya bye

Thought of you at... |8:57:00 PM|

[[enough is enough...]]

yea this weekend has shown that i shouldnt be doing stupid shit .. this morning like i seriously just wanted to jump of a bridge yea seriously its that bad i mean ok last night aijas dad knew she was effed and trent and he was tweaking out and i was tweaking out and like o man i thought my mom was gonna find out and htne on top of that i kept thinking about friday and i was like shit i cant wait till school is over...i can start running and go straight again but like everything from saturday is so messed up cuz like i kept seein al this shit like people and stuff in aijas room that werent there and i kept on talking to those people and i dunno i can tel my dreams from the reality .. if there was one its weird ... i dunno but watever im gonna go and tweak somwhere else ok love ya bye

Thought of you at... |7:07:00 PM|

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Saturday, June 19, 2004

[[uhh yea im at aijas ... lol just patiently waiting]]

well 5 seconds ago i totally rote the longest away message of my life look:


uhh.... lol ... it wouldnt be a good idea to talk to me right now ... but maybe it is cuz like ... im with aija and chad lol :-\ yea lol its just that good lol so ne ways umm .. now im just talking to an away message im gonna write in my journal ... haha fuckers you wish you could talk to me right now

yea ok aija fucked it up for me and was like o thats not your longest teh fucker her lol yea waiting is sucky but its starting ... o man last night was fucked and aija and chad are all making out while i listen to some fucking ludacris and like fucking lol its that splash waterfalls song lol and chad took the same shit i ddi lol i wanted to come to talk my journal instead of talking to my away message cuz its longer and i can talk more in this instead of that i mean you can only fit so many characters in that shit ... wow typing is the most bgest tghiung ever and like o man this song is so awesome and im rocking back and forth in this chair waiting sure is fun ... too bad ... i dunn im like o man its like quarter past 8 and my grammas arm is dead... i dunno how your arm dies but im sure my gramma can pull it off like seriouslyu ..o yea and me and aija walked all the way to the dudley brooks and like ... they didnt have fnl and they were like o man we cant give that to you because we are asss holes ... lol and like they had a sign like saying tyhat shit like so serious but like it was like ... thanks the dick head manager lmao ... o man o man o man lol i needmore music hold n a seciond....

o man get fucked up lmao .. its onlyu a good song on the weekends like i have this song on my cd aija made me but it doesnt even have the same effect on a day week ... a week day ...

o yea i stotally watched that tad hamilton move and like it totally blewwwwwwwww yea that much that many w's if not more ... o man i need more GUMMM FUCKERS ... lol anyways yea i duno what we are doing today but we totally uhh wernt gonn go to the fucking festival yea that shit fuck tghat shit i hearrd it sucked from chad ... lol fuckin eeeehhhh lol that make no sense im totally not goine anyways yea and the mirror is realy bright because of the reflection in the mirror makes it bright like wwaattt ... ... o yea and aija and her scars ... fucking aeeehhh .... lol i dnt no how to spell alright alright .. i realy like to type op amn i would be so heated if this sidnt post like serrious i feel like i dunno but watever .. i duno i hope this shit works i udno i have a feeling it might not be as strong cuz of all the fnl but im sooo outtie ill be writing later bye

Thought of you at... |8:18:00 PM|

[[eww i feel dirty]]

well besides the fact i havent taken a shower i jsut feel dirty ... i mean everything ive been doing lately ... shit ... wait why am i care hahahahaha lol when am i ever not doing good stuff fuck you all ... i dont care wat you think ... but yea other than that last night was jsuteffed and i dunno what im gonna do tonight if im gonna hang out with chad and aija then i might call george but it depends on some factors that i really dont wanan discuss ... well i could im just not awake enough to discuss them lmao ... o well im totally outtie biatches... o man tonight is gonna be awesome ok love you bye

Thought of you at... |9:37:00 AM|

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Friday, June 18, 2004

[[weird night/afternoon really really randomness]]

ok this is how it went ... i went to my nanas and did the check thing .. theni walked home and washed the floor and took a shower and taht stuff and george called and he and dave like talked to my mom and we left ... so we got to daves house and dave like played zelda and it was the worst version of zelda ever it was so geey so anyways like me and george did watever .. then i dunn funnie shit happened and everything i dunno funnie and then like they wanted to go to a movie so they are like you wanna go to so i was like yea and they were like well call your mom and ask so i did and the phone was busy so i was like lets just go and talk to them and they werent there ... wtf so they were like dont come i dont want your mom to get pissed so we cant hang out no more ... but yea then like i realized that they went out with dean so yea i called him and was like wtf where are the parentals so they were with him and my uncle stoped by i dunno it was effed so i ended up going out for drinks with dean and the parents and i got a huggggeeee balloon hat beacsue i told them about this story about how i got ripped off when i was little at disney land ... those fuckers and i got a magic trick show too yea so i had a virgin strawberry daqurie (yea i was with the paretns) and some buffalo wings it was good and it was fun now they are trashed and being dumb what ever that is about so yea bue

Thought of you at... |9:19:00 PM|

[[.... SHITTTYYY]]

fucking a if the painters come im so gonna like kill something ... and trust me its not gonna be goodoooook on top of that my throat hurts my eyes are itchy my body is itchy and my cold sore and whatever ... fucklin hell can anymore stuff go rong lol and then now i bet you to make shit worse my mom wont let me go out ... shit and i have to tell george what we are "doing" today ... lol o man why do i feel icky and stuff ... son of a bitch ... i dunno and the painters ... son of a bitch ... you douche ok im done other than that im in a good mood lol ok im outt i love you ... talk to you later bye

Thought of you at... |7:47:00 AM|

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Thursday, June 17, 2004

[[holy crap food ... ]]

o mannnnnn sooo much food im gonna die ... soo much soo much o man ... im never eating again ... holy crap im gonna explode but watever there is so much drama in this shop i cant wait for the year to be over so i dont have to worry about coming to this shit hole ... but anyways i guess my mom oked me hanging out with george ... soo awesome ... but yea ... uhh i dunno she might like tell me i cant on friday tho ... that owuld blow but im pretty sure she is cool with it ... but yea i dunno im really bored and i watched some of harry potter today it looks good ... and jess has my head phonesill prob ask for them back in a little bit but it sucks cuz i have to babysit but i can babysit at my house for a little bit which is pretty awesome so maybe i can go online and see if george is on and talk to him about tomorro ... woot im excited lol... anyways umm i gonna go and play games or something ... yea ill talk to you later i geuss ... o man my excite ment and full ness

Thought of you at... |1:14:00 PM|

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Wednesday, June 16, 2004

[[umm what day is it???]]

uhh yea ... it totally feels like i dunno thursday maybe lol ... i dunno so much stuff has been happening which is good ... i love being like this i wish i could stay like this forever like with no real cares cept for the fact that i need to get a job and do that car shit and then college ... but i mean ... whatever right now im trying to live it up while i can... i just cant go overboard and eff everything up that would not be cool ...

but anyways umm today i watched 3 movies ... like one about this lady that adopted 12 kids and each of them have a disability it was good then shrek 2 which i already saw in the movies and i saw soul plane lol yea that movie was wicked dumb it made like no sense what so ever but it was bootleg so i really didnt care ...

i dunno im kinda bored tho and not looking forward to cleaning today ... yea exciting and i think my mom is coming home today ...

o yea kristyn met rooney at the show she went to and like got their autographs and shit and huged em lol i was like shit i totally coulda gone to that show o oman they are soo hott too damnit ... whatever tho ... i dont care too much

but speaking of my mom i guess she called the other day and didnt even ask about me and my dad was like o yea if she did i was gonna say i havent seen you in days im like yea great day ... lol i felt loved she asked about the dog and the boy... i see where i fit into my family ... whatever tho... im all hype and shit tho like i wanna go for a run but i have to go to jeffs wtf ... and thursday i have to watch those little fuckers ... god damnit lol o man my tan on my arms is getting so dark its ridiculous like my legs dont even look like they belong to my body lol ... o well ... random topics ... maybe it is them or maybe it is me or maybe its maybeliene lol ok im done i guess i think ill just play some games or something of the sort while i listen to this cd ...o yea ... i saw adam today and i just looked at him and i was like ... hmm i totaly forgot i was with him lol like he jsut looked like another fuck ass in the crowd not someone that id been wiht for 11 months ... and loved ... teh fuck him ... lol i seriously like dont even feel anything for him if he was to come up to me and be like will you take me back id be like why so you can lie to me and tell me you love me even hto you dont no what your talking about you fucking ... uhh never mind i cant say what i was gonna say lol o man im so mean ... but not that mean but whatever uhh ttyl i suppose ... fuck man i dont wanna clean ... love ya bye

Thought of you at... |1:21:00 PM|

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Tuesday, June 15, 2004

[[o man baths are wonderful]]

o yea ... umm i guess george read my journal ... lol which is a surprise to me cuz no one reads this shit ... cept aija ... lol which is weird too cuz im always with her lol so anyways ... o man why dont i take baths moer often they are all warm and bubbley and they smell good and they are so relaxing ... o man i wana hot tub ... nowww ... so yea im pretty much totally looking forward to friday ... unless my period and my mom have anything to do with it .. which they probably will cuz when ever i get excited over anything good ... it always gets fucked ... i still dunno what im really gona say to my mom .. o well cuz i mean me and george could catch up anywhere whatever im not gonna think about it cuz if i do itll seem too planed lol o well umm im kinda tired ... damn baths they are soo tiring ... o well umm im gonna go and get ready for bed and htink about stuff ... bath stuff ? lol o well umm ok im gonna go ... love ya

bye

Thought of you at... |8:50:00 PM|

[[song]]

... this song is ridiculously good... o man o man


This is the last day of our freshmen summer
text books n essays wait around the corner
saying goodbye now to our best friends
we'll try if we can to get home on the weekends

I gotta run now
go home and take a shower
we all can meet up
at your house in half an hour
I can't get ready any faster
we better make it quarter after

Runnin through the high school hallways
this is all we've known untill now
I don't evern wanna slow down
I'm packed, and I'm ready to go now
All the days we've been traveleing together
I won't even look over my shoulder
til I find a cure for getting older

Now we'll all split up and go our own ways
probably won't see each other the same ways
but no matter what happens
I'll never forget all the times we've had together


fm static - all the days

Thought of you at... |1:23:00 PM|

[[another exciting day in shop ...only another week in this hell hole]]

yea so i feel like crap ... like not emotionally i just feel sticky cuz its humid out and i have another cold sore ... wtf yea friday ... lol yea aija slept over last night cuz i dunno she could and we just chilled out in the boat just floating listening to the noises of a monday night ... i didnt seem like a monday nights sounds tho ... o well it was good we didnt gethome till like 900 and like i had to get the boy in bed and this morning was a bitch cuz i had to wake up aija mike and dad ... my dad like threw the clock on like the chair cuz it was goin off and i like draged and beat the boy so hed get up and i just making alarm clocks go off so aija would wake up ... and i was tired and shit so i dindt take a shower cuz i had to get everyone up ... so yea i feel all icky o well ill get over it ... but im tired and im kinda looking forward to my mom coming home ... she brings order to the house ... its so hard to control them but my mom is like the supreme allied comander so they listen better to her than me im just like ... shit they are like shut thefuck up chell go away ... but yea umm im gonna find something to do i think we really are gonna watch a movie ... and today kristyn is going to a show and she invited me to go but i cant cuz my moms not home ... *sob* thats dumb i thought the show was on tomorrow shit i coulda gone fuckin a o well ... damnit that makes me made o well now im gonna go and do something ...

My friend,
You're always the last one to leave those dimly lit rooms
Making sure the last glass makes it's way to the table empty
And every bottle in the place has been upside down
At least a few times
What a waste
Is this what's left of you these days?

You're not 18 anymore
5 years should have been enough time
For you to grow up and get over this
It's not too cool
To be throwing up all morning
Sick from what you might have done or done it with

I swear,
If I could take your pain and frame it and hang it on my wall
Maybe you wouldnever have to hurt at all
I'm painting pictures in red and blue
A portrait bruised just like you
And now you're walking away

You're not 18 anymore
5 years should have been enough time
For you to grow up and get over this
It's not too cool
To be throwing up all morning
Sick from what you might have done or done it with

When is enough finally enough?
All the hang-ups and heartbreaks get you past all failures and bad breaks
Just accept yourself
Find something that brings you closer to complete

Painting pictures in red and blue
A portrait bruised just like you
And now you're walking away

You're not 18 anymore
5 years should have been enough time
For you to grow up and get over this
It's not too cool
To be throwing up all morning
Sick from what you might have done or done it with

When is enough finally enough?
When is enough finally enough?

Thought of you at... |8:05:00 AM|

_____________

Monday, June 14, 2004

[[hoopes i did it again - relient k]]

what's up dude? I'm getting kind of bored
let's get some food and then hit movies 4
what's going on?whats up with all our friends?
let's start a rumor just to find out where it ends

cause a small town is like a small stage
for teenagers and their drama
instead of playing shows, we'll be showing plays
like 90210 without the beverly hills

well, don't you think it's high time
what we never settle down
well, don't you think it's high time
that we get out of this town
cause if we leave then we just might be okay

hoopes i did it again
i messed everything up, and i think i hurt my friends
hoopes i did it again
relationships that work are things that i can't comprehend

ohio has the flavor of a water chestnut
it's not too crazy and it's not the best but
we're not setting forest fires just out of boredom
i'd rather see a movie if in fact i can afford one

well, don't you think it's high time
that we never settle down
well don't you think it's high time
that we get out of this town
cause if we leave then we just might make a difference
and if we leave then we just might be okay
and i don't think it would hurt to get away

dan bakitus said i'm shallow
he said i've got no integrity
but, i don't know dan bakitus
and dan bakitus, he don't know me

cause we always sayin canton
you can't enoy(canton joy) yourself
well, there's thruth to that
but may i add
it's not half bad
and never less than that.

Thought of you at... |2:13:00 PM|

[[boring ... i cant wait till summer vaca]]

i cant wait till summer vaca even tho i no its gonna suck balls ... hardcore ... i wish i had an h drive so i can dl some fuckin mario but this school sucks cuz i havent had an h drive for 3 weeks and i guess we are watching a movie in here eventually ... im pretty tired recovering really takes alot of of you .. like hardcore lol i say that so much ... but i guess im hanging out with george on friday unless something wicked important comes up... but i dont no what is wicked important but i dont really care either way its just gonna be a bitch to convince my mom to go out of the house in a car wiht some random guy that she doesnt even no .. maybe she will be lax and be like chell sure you can go out just be back by 9 and behave your self and i can give her some bs story about how im catching up with him cuz i havent really seen him in a while and we are gonna go out for dinner or some stupid shit .. its kinda shady but it may just be vague enought to work ... but i duno i just cant be coming home fucked up or covered in hickeys ... why am i doing shit like this ... i no its nto even a real relationship or ever will be with george ... fucking horemones ... make people turn into whores ... thats why they call em that ... anywyas ... itll be cool to hang out with him ... too bad i dont no what we are gonan do ... other than stuff ... that people do when they are alone with eachother ... but we are both pretty much using eachother than ass ... but at least we both no it and we wont get lead on ... cuz he told me that if he wanted some other bitch then he would be nice about it and tell me and not be a dick ... i dunno we takled online for a while untill like i had to sleep ...

shop is boring ass ... i hate school i wish i could just stay home until school is done cuz seriously ... sitting around like this blows and it doesnt even feel like the end of the year at all ... its all cold out and rainy and people are all doin work and stuff ... and its the last week of school ... im gona get my period for friday lol ...
yea its just that good to me ....

this whole .. liek ass thing with george it doesnt even bother me ... like hanging out with him and chad and aija yea that shit was jsut like normal ... nothing really special about it ... itsjust ... normal ... im kinda rambling but it makes sense in a sorta way ... but this summer i have to look at colleges that i have to apply to and i have to sign up for sats again ... im gonna get my sciore by the end of the week but now im gonna go maybe i can sleep ... that would be hardcore nice... ok ill talk to you later i guess ... love ya bye

Thought of you at... |9:58:00 AM|

[[another random weekend]]

... this is how the weekend looked

ok well friday i watched degrassi with kris and aija... saturday i woke aija up at like 10 and she came over at like 11 and cut my dads hair it came out nice and we went to aijas house and we were locked out and we thought no one was home but her mom was sleeping and we were banging on the door for like ever and she still didnt wake up but she finally woke up and let hestia out it was funie but aija was mad lol ... but anyways um we got in the house and straightened up and stuff and we talked to chad adn none of his friends could come so then like chad came and we went to mcdonalds and i saw andrew again and aijas like want me to ask him if he wants to come and chill and i was like no ... so then we went to brooks and got supplies for the night and then we walked to the lake and walked to jeffs house ... we went swimming in clothes like i had a t shirt and shorts and chad in his boxers and aija in pants and a shirt lol so we went for a boat ride and split from that scene ... so we watched the movie monster ... good shit and in the middle of it was did fnl and aderal ... good shit so anyways umm it kicked in and i dont remember alot and all of a sudden it was night time and i was online talking to george cuz he imed me ... i hadnt takled to him in forever ... he imed me because i looked at his subprofile earlier and i duno we started talking and i was like come stop by ... so he was like ok so i called his cell and was like your really comeing right and hes lik uhh yea so i went outside and waited wiht aija and chad and i was like hes totally not coming and then isaw somone walking towards us and im like is that him and it didnt look like him but whatever ... so we started just liek walking around and stuff and then george is like where do you wanna go i have a car...so we went to the lake and it was like 930 and we played on the swings and stuff and i kissed george ... so then like we left there and went to the bowling alley and met up with zach, josh weagle , and john faford and then we left ... at some point we stoped at aijas house and decided to go to weagles house lol but we went there and i did something else i didnt even no what it was i was just showin them like i could or soemthing i duno and thne we went back to aijas it was like 1230 and we watched fear and loathing ... good movie ... lol george like new the hole shit by heart ... but yea then george brought home john and weagle lol he said it was his idea lol funnie shit so then we get back to aijas and like i ended up diking it out with george on aijas floor and chad and aija were on her bed ... good night and george left at like 330 i duno whats with me and him ... i dunno but that quote does say alot ... thats how its gonna be ... we dont want relationships ... hes going to college and im ... just being a dumb slut i guess lol i dont no im not fucking peopel tho so its not even bad ... so i dont care whatever im living and im happy ... its good and yea alright hto im gonan go and listen to this kick ass cd that aija made me good shit .. ttyl love ya

Thought of you at... |7:57:00 AM|

_____________

Friday, June 11, 2004

[[good day ... giesss]]

umm yea so zach cant come so like chad is either gonna bring like garret or some chris k kid or some shit lol i dunno o well i dont really care i just like hanging out wiht people ... yea so after school i chilled with kris and watched the new degrassi ... good shit and aija was there too it was good so yea tomorro morning i have to wake aija up and make sure she gets here for 11 so she can cut my dads hair ... yea im tired but i dont wanna sleep i wanna stay up and talk to somone but i have no one to talk to ... it makes me sad ... o well im gonna go now

love ya

Thought of you at... |9:56:00 PM|

[[just lyrics ]]

i'd really like to see you there
i can't pretend like i don't care
because i really do, yeah
please just kill the drama
go to sleep we'll talk tomorrow
dream about me, and don't worry
we'll be fine

can you hear me
can you see me
what i don't know
cannot hurt me
can you hear me
can you see me
what i don't know
cannot hurt me

i'm turning around
i'm turning around, i'm turning it up, i'm taking it out
i'm turning around, i'm falling apart, i'm hitting the ground
i'm turning around, i'm turning it up, i'm taking it out
i'm turing around, i'm falling apart, i'm hitting the ground

if you said that you were leaving
i'd ask where we were going
do you really, because i really do
want everything to work out
like the motion picture ending
it's what i really meant to say

can you hear me
can you see me
what i don't know
cannot hurt me
can you hear me
can you see me
what i don't know
cannot hurt me

i'm turning around
i'm turning around, i'm turning it up, i'm taking it out
i'm turing around, i'm falling apart, i'm hitting the ground
i'm turing around, i'm turing it up, i'm taking it out
i'm turing around, i'm falling apart, i'm hitting the ground

what i don't know
cannot hurt me

spitalfield - kill the drama

We all know the girls that I am talking about.
Well they are time bombs and they are ticking
And the only questions when...they'll blow up!
And they'll blow up, we know that without a doubt.
Cause they're those girls, yeah, you know those girls
That let their emotions get the best of them.
GO!!!

And I've contrived some sort of a plan
To help my fellow man...

Let's get emotional girls to all wear mood rings
So we'll be tipped off to when they're ticked off
Cause we'll know just what they're thinking,
Just what they're thinking...

She's so pretty but she doesn't always act that way
Emotions swinging on the swingset almost everyday
She said to me that she's so happy it's depressing
And all I said was "Someone get that girl a mood ring!"

If it's drama you want, then look no further
They're like the Real World meets Boy Meets World
meets Days of Our Lives.
And it just kills me how they get away with murder
They'll anger you then bat their eyes
Those pretty eyes that watch you sympathize
GO!!!

And I've contrived some sort of a plan
To help my fellow man...

Let's get emotional girls to all wear mood rings
So we'll be tipped off to when they're ticked off
Cause we'll know just what they're thinking,
Just what they're thinking...

She's so pretty but she doesn't always act that way
Emotions swinging on the swingset almost everyday
She said to me that she's so stressed out that it's soothing
And all I said was "Someone get that girl a mood ring!"

Cause when it's black means "watch your back" because you're probably
The last person in the world right now she wants to see
And when it's blue it means you should call her up immediatly
and ask her out because she'll most likely agree
And when it's green it simply means that she is really stressed
And when it's clear it means she's completely emotionless
And that's alright I must confess

We all know the girls that I am talking about
She likes you Wednesday, but now it's Friday
And she has to wash her hair
And it just figures that we'll never figure them out
Well, first she's Jekyll and then she's Hyde...
at least she makes a lovely pair.

Mood Ring, oh Mood Ring,
oh tell me will you bring the key
To unlock this mystery?
Of girls and their emotions
Play it back in slow motion
So I may understand
The complex infrastucture known as the female mind


relient k - mood ring

Thought of you at... |9:08:00 AM|

[[i havent written]]

ok so yea this is how its been ... alright ... but been better i dunno it hurts when i breathe lol im not havein that one bit but then of course i duno ive been in a god mood when the weather had been good and me and aija made plans this summer and we are gonna be so hot ... its really nice out and im hoping the plans aija and i made with chad and zach go through this weekend cuz she hasnt been able to get ahold of chad and we ahvent seen him really in the hall ... but that will change ... aija said she was gonna stalk him and pin him down and ask him if he still wants to chill ... i really hope he still wants to cuz it would be fun ... i think i hope i dunno this weekend doesnt have the same vibes as last weekend i dont think itll work but whatever ... im hurty and im in related which is cool ... but the bad thing is i have to right a ballad and that consists of 10 - 12 stanzas on a book about vietnam ... im excited : / but yea not much happening really nothing exciteing at least but im hanging out wiht kris tonight to watch degrassi ... helllsss yea ... i dont have to go to nanas which is good tooo yea i wish this pain would go away ... three days its been doin this and i got dizy yesterday and thought iwas gonna pass out ... feerr serious ok now im out ttyl love ya bye

Thought of you at... |8:10:00 AM|

_____________

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

[[wow school seriously blows]]

yea ok by the end of the year ill only have one close friend ... aija... yea everyone isg etting on my nervees really they are so dumb adn talk so much shit ... and i no i do so i dont fucking care when i do i have a fucking reason its really fucked to say shit just to make your self feel better i say shit cuzi erally dont like peopole ... yea im wicked heated fuckin chem class sooo dumb i hate them all cept aija really ... everyone gets me so pissed really tho and the only one that cares about how i think or feel is aija and no one in that fucking class noes aija like i do ... and thats why they say shit if they new the aija i do then theyd be like hells yea she is a cool fuck and id be like yea i no she can be dumb but she means well and i dont care ...fuck all you fuckers if i end htis year with one fucking close friend ill be happy cuz i no weve been through thick and thin and we can get through all these douches and their shit ... they are dumb anyways and all fucking back stabbing two faced s o b s yea fuck you



"Empty fields move me so much more then rooms filled up with friends
The way the trees look dead
Remind that there's more to life then living
Maybe giving up's not bad, but part of letting go of you" - Bayside

"My best friends are gone, fallen way beyond
And they left me here with no one by my side
How can I get by?
With no one to try and pick me back up when I fall down
My support has left me and I'm bareft
of the things I need to help me make it all through
Now what can I do, with no cheering crew
that you make me feel like I don't suck
Woah There was a brightening day

woah there was a brightening day
My whole scene has split they don't give a spit
About anybody else on earth but themselves
So we'll burn in hell and think that it's swell
Just as long as we get our own rooms
So we'll burn in hell and think that it's swell
just as long as we get our own rooms" - Weezer




Thought of you at... |1:51:00 PM|

_____________

Sunday, June 06, 2004

[[shittttyyy sun]]

alright this is the spot that i would use to tell u the storie of last night ... yea if i could remmeber lal of it ill try


ok so yesterday ... lets just pretend that i didnt right in this already cuz o shit .. alright let me start at the beginning ... so ye a i had sats ... it sucked i had it in a room whwere no one was in it from bay path and like all these people from bartlett i dont like were there ... i mean wait i dont like any one from bartlett anyways ... yea so then like i made plans with aija to hang out with her ... we were gonna get a hold of lloyd ... so anyways ... i get to her house and we decide we are gonna get some ... poland spring water kool aid teenies and red bull cuz there was none in the house ... so trent tried callin all his friends .., and he didnt get a hold of htem so then we decided to go the angelas party .. yea it wasnt good so we sent trent to pick up some like poland springs and like we were like wait i dont trust trent lest go find him so we left that shitty partyato find him and we went to mc donalds and we saw andrew i was like damn... lol yea so yea i was looking peeimp lol so anyways um we decide to wakl back to the party and we saw angela and shes like aw man trent just left ... so we left and we met up with him and got the poland springs ... so then we went to the bowling alley to get so more well to see if trent could get some more so i waited there for aija and trent ... yea and they didnt get any so we decided to get some ... other stuff ... so me and trent walked aija home and then me and him went to go find some ... so we walked almost all the way to dudley and finally got some ... i stoped at sunny sides and shit ... like yea some guy bought some more stuff for trent lol he was a hott guy too ... alright anyways ... we get back to the house and we make all kinds of stuff and we end up doing the stuff not the poland spring tho ... so yea then bob walked in and started laughing at us i was liek o fuck cuz it was funnie but weird and then trent askk bob if hed like to join us and he said no so then we finished what we were ddoing and her mom came home and was like ... it smells like burning rubber lol it was soo funnie ... and then like i duno i tried to get on aijas computer but i couldnt type in the password and eventyually it let me in cuz im cool ... theni kicked the plug or something and it was beeping and iw as confused i was like wehre is that sound coming from and aijas like you have to replug it ... yea funnie shit ... so i dunno what happened but like i went into trents room and helped him mix some shit ... and i think its still in his room and then i brought it in aijas room adn started downing it ... then i added green teenies witht he red bull o man sooo goood so i guess like fucking amy and her bf and these other people came and i duno we played basket ball then like mike and brian left and then we decided to hit the wizard(lol jess) so like right behind aijas house in the parking lot and then her dad pulls in so rand out into the front and i jumped of the fucking wall and hurt my ankle ... hte next thing i remmeber is that we were walking and i spilt shit all over me and ajias thong was half way out of her ass ... and some how we got to the feild and me and aija were running around in the feild lol ... and like we were falling and thats when i think i got taht bruise on my knee whatever so then like we ended up in aijs cuz we thoght the cops were coming so we like layed on the ground then like sprinted to her house lol ... and then i guess she was talking to chad and i told him id fuck zach for a dollar and at some point i knocked over the table shit and i was laying with it on my body likei was stuck .. o yea then i passed out in trents rioom and i woke up i dunno i ripped pcis off his wall thats all i remmebre about that but then i woke up in his room and i couldnt walk cuz my ankle fucking killed ... and like walked into the door cuz it was locked ... and i dunno it was fucked that hole night it was funnie tho so yea sorry i havent updated in a while but whatever my comp is broken ... and this weekend im gonna be chillin wit chad and zach with some fnl ... but yea i duno i dont remmebr alot but yea enought about that


ok so like today i had chemistry adn i forgot we were going outside and i wore a skirt cuz its bakin outside and we went into the tall grass wiht the ticks and now im all paranoid and itchy cuz of the ticks eeecckk yea and i dunno i had a good day shit has been pretty goood im not worried about it but im gonna go now thats my weekend o shit omg gonn go love ya

Thought of you at... |8:43:00 AM|

_____________

Saturday, June 05, 2004

[[nhand sme and somr]]

yea today ihad to talk some fuking test it sucked cuz like fuckinga ll these people swerwe that athta i hate yera and theni hujng oust with aija nc duckeol rreasjkldf yea what the hell but tturent tyraid to gt in my fucmng pants and aime and fuckom wahtefe lefty and trent not here ijustwanna fuckini fi last no the night ow holy shit imginna die pl ;vp eou but i dont remmebre this and ija pas out she be lepeping oamd aigha died damd im lisenteing to brand nwe im not gona remember this trent whas hitting on me i cant seee sttraing and im fuckied holy shit oman if i surcvien the nite imll be suprpnsie o man ashely called me ill have o talk to here o shot i cant se ok be love ya bye

Thought of you at... |10:57:00 PM|

_____________

Friday, June 04, 2004

[[yea ... the seniors have left the building ...]]

so yea uhh ... im gonna be a senior ... wow .. im gonna cry ... this sucks i dont wanna leave ... i mean be a senior ... i wanna be like a sophomore forever ... best year of my life ... well so far ... i havent seen anyone try to make improvements to mine lately so yea my life is effed but its probably because im becoming more mature in my descions so all the shit i did wheni was a sophomore was like whatever but now im like ... o shit i cant do that hsit no more i gotta grow up ... and that makes me sad ... i have lke a nervous feeling in my stomach ... but yea whatever ... not much to really talk about .. .umm all we did today was some excel crap i did in freshmen year sooo simple like yea ... but right now i want some salt and vinigar chips ... o mannnn that would be so awesome ... speaking of food i cant eat anymore ... i was pissed off yesterday so like i ate soooo much i was like shit likei thought iwas gonna puke and i was still eating lol ... yea thats fucked i no so ... no food and i need to start running ... but it sucks ... my phone when off in class like 10 mins ago to remind me htat i have sats tomorro ... yea scarry ... im not haveing it at alll .. ill suck but i mean at least i have more chances to do it you no ... o well .. im not really nervous about it ... it just like sucks up time that i dont wanan waste taking a test on a saturday morning ... ok maybe im a little nervous but its not too bad ... like im kinda nervous cuz ive never done it before and like im gonna see all these people from bartlett and its gnna be really really weird ...

joe hurt himself on his bike ... he looks like hes hurt he was like bleeding this morning and i was like joe what happened ... and hes like ill tell you later i guess he like slid off his bike or something i dunno its fucked i ddindt get all the details ill talk to him abnout it later ... but yea ... umm i tried to call aija and waker her ass up this morning but her mom wouldnt let me ... but watever ... im haging out with kristyn today which is kick ass ... it just blows that i cant go go to that show with her because i havent gone to a show in a while ... yea and i never did get tickets to that fucking dc show what the eff ... o well they will come again it just sucks cuz funking thrice and the get up kids were going tooo ... shittt ... o well i dunno what im doin this weekend really cept sats cuz aija is doin soemthing sat maybe ill call will up and see what he is doing i havent chilled with him n a while o well im gonna go and play the flood game ... alright i love you bye

Thought of you at... |9:06:00 AM|

_____________

Thursday, June 03, 2004

[[what a fucking cock smooch]]

yea whatever ... immature guys are not cool ... specially ones name ryan ... yea i wish i was cool and broke up wiht people for the hell of it and lead them on to believe that they liked em yea thats fucked o yea and kristyn asked me to go see rooney but my mom was like hells no im comin home and im like shut up bitch ill fucking bust a cap in your ass ... and shes like werrrd and then there were these people and they started dancin in the street to a crazy mexican beat and it went like this ... doo doo doo ,, dod soo yea im tired and out of it ... lol crazy mexican dance ... banhhhhh lol anyways yea bye

Thought of you at... |10:04:00 PM|

[[wow what did i do rong...]]

i feel like manny in degrassi when like her and craig went on the date adn she was oblivious to how much he thought it sucked ... yea

so umm yesterday i thought i had a good day ... this is how it went ... school it was ok ... then i met up with dube and walked to his house because ryan had to do whatever ... so like me and dube just like hung out ... there was fnl ... aww brings me back lol ... but anyways we did that ... lol so then like ryan came and i was like smiling and hes like what happened and i was like nothing... i mean it was obvious wat did happen but i didnt no why he kept asking... i thought he thought that me and dube did something ... butwhatever lol so yea i dunno yea we went riding ... and id unno they kept trying to make me drive but i didnt wanna because lol i jusst dont wanna make an ass out of my self i suppose ... yea but like then we went back to dubes and they liek lit shit on fire for a while ... i mean i no what happened yesterday i just wasnt so like ... all therei suppose lol umm yea and like we hung out at his house and stuff .. but like i dont remember him like getting mad or just whatever ... why would he wanna break up with me this makes no sense ... and he had fucking dube call me to tell me yea how fucked up is that whatever this shit is fucked and it wicked pisses me off ... wow what a fucking pussy douche ... i just wanted to talk to him about it and he wouldnt yea whatever im not sad like i coudl care less relaly im just pissed off because he fucking just is doing this because he can and because he had dube fucking call me yea ... soo cool i wish i was a fucking pussy bitch like that yea whatever...im out love ya

Thought of you at... |7:45:00 AM|

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Wednesday, June 02, 2004

[[eya ok yea ... happy ... ness>?]]

uhh yea so like im going to see ryan yay ... awesomeness ... it doesnt seem like he is as excited as i am about it tho ...but watever yea already all these fucking peaople are like fucking like all hype and shit holy shit o well um ooo man awesome mood ... shawwww yea im awesome ok im outtie beiacthes

love ya

Thought of you at... |7:43:00 AM|

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Tuesday, June 01, 2004

[[im really happy this time]]

im kinda excited about going to practice tomorro cuz i havent ran in awhile but i dunno it sucks cuz i cant see ryan ... yea but i did talk to him after i got like dube to call him and tell him that i was gonna break up with him lol ... yea whatever but yea my mom was all not having the fact that me going to charlton without a ride yea nooo lol yea so umm i dunno im just kinda happy just cuz i talked to ryan horray ... lol umm yea uhh bye

love ya

Thought of you at... |9:08:00 PM|

[[im soo happy]]

hooray .. i have practice tomorro and it might be muddy sooo coul yea awesome and like ... i dunno i have some tomorro and i might like ... do some easy work which is awwwweeesssooomme and like ... i almost finished that book for english ... and i have such an awesome bf lalalalal and my friends yea they would die for me ... and like yea ... wooo hooo yea and i ahve soo many ... and they are so nice to me and the listen to me when i give them advice ... at least some times ...


yea if you cant tell im trying to look on the bright side beacsue ... im sick of bitching its just harder too look at shit positive i suppose but i used to do it all the time and everyone lvoed me ... yay ...

ok love ya bye

Thought of you at... |6:16:00 PM|

[[great begining of the week (o if you could hear the sarcasm)]]

ok so anyways ...umm this morning i got to school and i tried to log on to my account ... and it didnt work i was like WHAT THE EFFF yea like that ... so then i guess they deleted my fucking acount .... yea so all my shit gone ... good thing its the end of the year ... or id be wickeddd pissed but i was only moderately pissed cuz i like couldnt play mario and i got sooo far in it and then like we did some wicked eassy html shit ... like yea babyshit then when i finally finished ... the internet didnt work so like i sat infront of my computer ... but i got to like txt my baby aww hes too cute i really miss him tho :-( but i might be able to see him if like i dunno aija can somehow come too cuz i guess dube said he would be friends with her ... but i dunno seems kinda shady to me ... but like i kinda want them to like fucking get over it or have ryan move out to websterbecause this shit of him living far away blows ... feerr serious... but yea im in a moderately good mood im just like ... i dunno being dumb i wanna do something buti gotta work which blowsss soo much andi bet have to do all the dishes from fucking sunday yea thats ridiculous ... but yea i wanan talk to ryan but like every time i try to likei cant totally .. .its weird ... but watever umm i hate school ... i hate drama ... and i hate my life ... it could be worse but its jsut hollow ... so yea im outtie ttyl fuckass

love ya

Thought of you at... |12:51:00 PM|

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Location: Webster, Massachusetts, United States

I'll be your friend in hell, until then I despise you. And I probably always will. I cant afford to make another mistake like this. Cause this is more than I can take. I don't mean to leave angry, this is by your own device. I'm sure this comes as no surprise.

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