yea ok ... so the bf thing ... i havent really discussed this topic the last thing i even said about guys really was that they suck ... and im pretty sure my emotions go in a circular rollercoster ... so its like first im like fuck you fuck everything ... its my body ill do what i want bs ... then its like ... o shit im dumb guys suck blah ... and then im back to o i wish i had a guy and then im like fuck that ... ya i was thinking about this circle when i was walking home from walking aija half way ... but like its weird ... is it just hormones ... bah ... hormones make emotions so difficult to understand and to deal with ... its like making everything 100 x better or worse ... its like death when you get hurt and like exstacy when you happy there is no medium ... and now im just pretty much talking about my guy roller coaster thats not like my just straight up emotions ... but whatever back onto my topic ... i just wanted to explain my reasonings behind my constant contridictions ...
ok so yea ... i really kinda wanna have a guy ... but not totally and aija told me whatever just have a fling ... but when you know its a fling its soo pointless and hollow its like just using somone and then getting hurt in the end ... i mean this is my last year so if i end up in a really good relationship most likely we willjust break up anyways ... but its those damn emotions that get the most of me ... i mean i really do wear my heart on my sleeve ... maybe ill grow out of it ... hopefully ... but im so wishy washy ... its really bad .. but i just miss being told that im loved and appreciated like physically and mentally ... i mean is that corny and "emo" or what ... but yea im just kinda sad about that but another part of me is excited and happy about this school year ... and there is other parts that are like THIS IS YOUR LAST YEAR and im nervous ... its weird and bad ... i dont know what to do .... so many emotions ... i just wanna cry... and sometimes i wish i just would cry ... its like getting sick like once you do it you usually feel better but ... if you cant you have to suffer ...
so thats my dilema im out later
and it didnt even feel like the first of anything ... it was more of a continuation ... which is quite ridiculous because its a new begining ... but anyways this is how it went .....
it sucked
you might think they wouldtn go over the rules so scrupulously but really it was liek i was a fucking freshmen i was like yea i no be prepared on time blah blah blah ... just bs and my teachers are cool but my math teacher never showed up lol it was funnie and like everyone really liked my hair cept steph and shanise but teh who cares ... but yea now im just like bahh ... o yea and my college english teacher isnt gonna be in so i have a stupid normal teacher its so effed i have to pay for the course i should at least get what i pay for so i can learn this shit ... soo dumb but whatever im soo out bitches later
Crashed on the floor when I moved in
This little bunk alone with some strange new friends
Stay up too late, and I'm too thin
We promise each other it's til the end
Now we're spinning empty bottles
It's the five of us
With pretty eyed boys girls die to trust
I can't resist the day
No, I can't resist the day
Jenny screams out and it's no pose
'Cause when she dances she goes and goes
Beer through the nose on an inside joke
I'm so excited, I haven't spoken
And she's so pretty, and she's so sure
Maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her
The summer's all in bloom
The summer is ending soon
It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
Maybe I'm a little bit over my head
I come undone at the things he said
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt
We were all in love and we all got hurt
I sneak into his car's black leather seat
The smell of gasoline in the summer heat
Boy, we're going way too fast
It's all too sweet to last
It's alright
And I put myself in his hands
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
Love, or something ignites in my veins
And I pray it never fades in white houses
My first time, hard to explain
Rush of blood, oh, and a little bit of pain
On a cloudy day, it's more common than you think
He's my first mistake
Maybe you were all faster than me
We gave each other up so easily
These silly little wounds will never mend
I feel so far from where I've been
So I go, and I will not be back here again
I'm gone as the day is fading on white houses
I lie, put my injuries all in the dust
In my heart is the five of us
In white houses
And you, maybe you'll remember me
What I gave is yours to keep
In white houses
In white houses
In white houses
this song reminds me of sophomore year summer with a mix of andrew jp and aija ... yes my old posse lol good times ... i miss it and lol this song i was singing over and over on saturday night wtf mates lol
they hurt you and they are misleading ... i dont understand why they have to make no sense ... ever ... and its just so fucked ... i just hate guys ... all they do is hurt and make shit worse
this air is contagious no one can save us
nothing this good could ever last
tonight is a drug that i wont give up
this is my favorite addiction
the summer comes to a close
and no one knows what we know
no one knows
i cant explain what made me stay
i fall into the same mistakes
like all good things they never last the past is past
id rather be drowning than swimming away
thats something that will never change
i swallow regret and hope for the best
if this is all that i can do
the summer comes to a close
and no one knows what we know
no one knows
i cant explain what made me stay
i fall into the same mistakes
like all good things they never last the past is past
this is why i never try
to make it seem we shouldnt leave
this is why i never try
this air is contagious no one can save us
i must confess im not impressed
theres nothing worse than losing you
i must confess im not the same
like all good things
i must confess im not impressed
theres nothing worse than losing you
i must confess im not impressed
theres nothing worse than losing you
i must confess im not the same
like all good things im losing you
wtf mate ... why am i so sad all the time
ok so fucking i dunno friday i woke up at like 630 to go runnin and shit with aija and like that never happened and like we chilled ass in her room so she could clean it and shit like wtf ... and it took forever ... so like then we went canoeing and then like i udnno we went to the bank and i talked to garrett online and then i chilled with him and shti it was cool and then his friends came and that was gay but watever and then like aija came home and me and here left garretts... so then like we fuckign got supplies and lost eachother and like it was sooo effed up and like she went to dennis browns house by her house which is across town and i was like wtf so then like i like was pissed and then we wen tto aijas grammas pool with like dennis and like this kid and trent was there and then like we went to my house and slept and then this morning we woke up and did the boys hair and then like chilled at her house for like fuckin ever and she cut my hair ... and made cake and then like josh said he got fired btu still couldnt chillwith us cuz he had to go camping and i was like watever ... so then like we like hung out with doug for a while we just like tlked and bull shit and everything so then like umm me and aija left and we went to the beach and like mom called and like i dunno what happened btu like we got changed in the bath house deal and it was like so effed up and dark and like holy eff so then i dunno we ended up in the woods cuz aija was gonan puke and like she stuck a mascara down her throat lmao it was soo funni and i was like omg dog shit robo and stuff it was hilarious ...omg and then lik joe came and picked us up and we went to the movies and saw the village and like i dont even no what happened and then like we were at aijas house and then like josh ddint go camping and like we still wanted to go out but like no one weants to its soo gay so now we are just chilling reading cosmos and eating chocolate with our gay guy ... joes new name is everything because hes awesome so yea now img onan go back to doing this cosmo shit lataz bitches
me and aija chilled after i got outta work and she got her internet so we are trying to make some plans for this weekend and like some awesome fucking kick ass plans like o man soooo if you wanna chill wiht me and aija this weekend call or email and we will hook you up with a godo dtime ... and dotn expect us to front all the shit ... sharing is caring ... yeas indeed so yea umm tomorro si gonna be like hard core and so isnt saturday O MAN O MAN alright im out
uhh so last nighti hung out with garrett for a lil bit and then i stayed up and watched tv with my dad lol and then i slept and woke up really late but i had thheee best dream but it was liek really confusing it was like eveyrhting was happy and all my friends got alon and summer never ended and like we all just sat around and talked and shit and went swimming alll the time and we like were lazy hippie kdis but modern hippies lol it was cool i guess yea its cool o well bnow im gonan go cuz im talking to josh and i have to get ready for work eventually
yeas indeed ... uhh nothign happened ... i hung out with bear and kris for a bit and then .. i went to work then i drove home ... ate dinner and then went driving with my dad and then i talked to aija on the phone ... the end
look at how short that is
yea so i dunno i went canoeing with the boy then with aija and we went really really far then i went to jeffs and we parked the canoe and i cleand and got money then went to aijas grammas and got money ... pot tree dead ...
yea that was my day ... good deal
maybe not as bad as aija tho lol ... but yea uhh so i hung out with josh and aija and chad and zach and it was cool and we hung out like all day and then me and aija went to her house and watched tv ... and her bro stole a fog machine and he hooked it up down stairs its soo pimp yea the basement is awesome . aija trent and i were all talking about shit to do it and aija was liek half awake the hole time and i got to drive home and then i ate dinner and theni went and drove my dad to the package store and to the little store and i did good ... i was kinda speeding tho ... but watever umm yea and now im just like laying around cuz im wicked tired from hanging out with josh and them but they are wicked cool to hang out with even if they throw shit at me ... whatever taht was about lol ... but yea now im gonna go back to my movie ...
yea so i dunno what im really doing today but fucking aija called me at like 7 and was like morning sunshine ... or it was a dream that she said that but she deffinately called me at 7 lol and i was like wtf mate i wanna sleep and shes like i havent slept all night ... i was like ... actually i dot remember but i did end up going back to sleep ... lol she wanted to go for a run thats funnie ... cuz it was 7 oclock and i wasnt even awake or even close to being awake ... but i guess i gotta start going to sleep earlier which is effed cuz i dont htink i can lol its impossible .. o well im gonna do something i think well not really umm yea later ...
umm work was good on friday im just hoping i can remember everything for this wednesday when i go back in lol umm yea and i hung out with aija and joe and aija had to reschedule her pic appt so that she could go with her mom so then we went to the mall and stuff it was wicked wicked fun and umm i dunno then aija slept over and on sat me and aija made the basement wicked kick ass and then like i duno just we did watever and i duno i dont feel like writting it down cuz its alot and then this morning i went driving with my parents and today i watched movies alllll day it was a good day now im gonna go back to watching movies ... later
yea i remember adam always bitching at me to get shit done and i always told him thats not how i do ... i have to do it on my own time ... look at this shit
so yea watever i got my permit lol finally and i got my work permit for work and i uhh watever i did it and tats all that matters and now i feel so acclompished and im gonna study and work out and i dont care about people as much as they dont care about me so fuck that thats not gonna get done i should just cross that out ... yeas o well i just made it tiny thats not an important thing maybe when im in school and all i have is aija ill be worried but not now and tomorrow i have work and im going driving with my parents and im hanging out with JOE and AIJA fuckin hells yea i duno what we are gonna do but its gonna be fun cuz joe is fuckin awesome lol yea joe gullekson if thats how you spell it yea that kid is theee best lol but watever i just really need to work on two things now good deal uhh but im gonna go and be awsome somewhere else so later We're gonna die like this you know
thats to all the kids going to the warped tour ...
Miserable and old
Really gotta hand it to you
Really gotta hand it to you
Are you positive?
Absolutely sure
Well just get dressed, Don't do this
just get dressed, Don't do this
Spend the night lit listening to miles davis
You said it makes you want to fall in love
or be smart enough to keep your distance
You can't decide, you can't decide
-Chorus-
We're gonna die like this you know
Miserable and old
Really gotta hand it to you
Really gotta hand it to you
(well just so you know)
Are you positive?
(when we get home)
Absolutely sure
(we're through)
Well just get dressed, don't do this
(we're through)
Just get dressed, don't do this
It's a long way back south
(to where i belong)
Well you've been there once or twice
(and you still don't like it)
I say you just never gave it a chance
(well give me a chance, give me a chance)
Besides did you ever stop to think
hat we could keep this up living like theives
(but you can't decide)
You can't decide
(no you can't decide)
Well you can't decide
-Chorus-
Are you positive, absolutely sure
Are you positive?
We're gonna die like this you know
Miserable and old
Really gotta hand it to you
Really gotta hand it to you
Well just so you know
(we're gonna die like this you know)
When we get home
(miserable and old)
We're through
(really gotta hand it to you)
We're through
(really gotta hand it to you)
Just so you know
(are you positive?)
When we get home
(aboslutely sure)
We're through
(just get dressed don't do this)
We're through
(just get dressed don't do this)
Well just so you know
(we're gonna die like this you know)
When we get home
(miserable and old)
We're through
(we're gonna die like this, miserable and old)
We're through
(miserable and old)
Well just so you know
(we're gonna die like this you know)
When we get home
(miserable and old)
We're through
(we're gonna die like this, miserable and old)
We're through
yea the cape woulda been ok if liek i wasnt with my family i there is some upsides i got the new tbs cd which is fucking ridiculously pimp by the way and i got new pins and one is like
weed $45
wraps $2
smokin with your friends ... priceless
or at least ime pretty positive it says that and i got more pins but watever nothing really exciting happened cept today i went to the ocean and got burnt to a crisp but its an even burn lol at least ill be tan in a few days but im in pain and shit and my skin is paiin full but watever im sooo outt
yea i dont no why i just feel usless and empty like crap ... like no one wants me around ...yea it sucks ... im really really bored and wished i could go out ... but i cant cuz i cant cuz my parents wont let me out past like 830 but watever blah this sucks and i dunno i just feel like im gonna cry but i wont cuz i duno i just wont its dumb i feel like im missing something ... i dont have like a fall back plan when im alone like when aijas here i can hang out with her and then i have a fall back plan and do somethig else but watever im out im through bitching
so yea uhh me and the boy beat that game and i got my senior pics tahts it nothing exciting woooo not yea im bored fuckin a
yea so im addicted to this sudeki game i think thats wat its called im trying to beat this liek super computer but its soo hard so now imjust waiting for the boy to come home so he can do it for me cuz its too hard but iduno ive gotten pretty far on it and its all like thee best thing ever ... says i well im out tho cuz nothing big has happened really today lattttaaaazzzzz
* study for sats (kinda)
* get permit (the end of this month)
* apply to some jobs(teh)
* get a job(I GOT ONE FUCKERS)
* work out for cross country(working on taht)
* look kick ass for next school year(im soo tan)
* become a better person and more considerate of others and their feelings (uhh i dont care )
yea so like see that list i totally have alot of that shit almost done lol ... well i should make lists like that and O MAN I GOT LIKE ALOT OF STUFF DONE ON THAT LIST i need study today im gonna do it ok bye
yea so like uhh everything is working its just now its back and old and shit so the internet needs to be updated so ill be doing that later yea ... um i dunno the boys were good yesterday umm i dunno i just watched a shit load of movies like swat and umm the italian job and shit like taht ... the italian job is the best movie i saw it last fourth of july with adam in the movies it was sooo gooood ... yea umm i didnt sleep good again last night i didnt fall asleep till 2 it just proves that im more of a night person but umm ...i dunno i came home at like 9 and i played project gothem racing 2 and like we used to play the first one allll the time but i dunno this one kicks ass too and my liscence plate says w00t w00t lol yea and we were listening to all this like russian music and shit i dunno ... i look like shit today tho like it looksl ike somone like fucking draged my face on the ground for 3 miles blahhhh and my hair is all like nasty and i just look like shit ... its gross and i dont wanna be seen by the public ... im not going outside today ... i really need to work out tho so maybe ill just work out inside ... blah im so fat too blahhh ... im in a good mood despite all these negative feelings towards myself ... im just gonna go take a shower and feel better cuz i dont like wat im wearing right now anyways ... so yea umm bye
yea ok so like last night at i dunno something like 1 shanise called me and im like wtf and then i duno i had a hard time falling asleep last night and i finally fell asleep at like 3 and then i was supposed to go running with aija but i dunno she never called me so i dunno then i woke up at 730 cuz my alarm went off and then my dad calledme at like 930 and like it was all staticy and i waslike wtf im hanging up and then dean called i have no idea what he wanted at first i was just like shut up and hung up the phone and then my dad called me back and told me to delete all the mail in his account and then dean called and was like hey wat happens when school starts you cant be waking up this late and im like shutup and then hes like your watching the boys today and im like shiiiiittt lol i thought i had to watch them tomorro and hes like no cuz my mom has surgery and i was liek watever and then i finally got up and took a shower and shit and like idunno im still pretty ass tired and i dunno i dont wana babysit but i dont really have a choice its gonna suck when my new job gets in the way of babysitting but watever and then i have cross country too and jeffs ... teh i can do it remind me i have to get my permit ... i need that shitbefore the end of this month
but im outt ttyl love ya bye
ok so yea uhh aija woke me up thismorning cuz i slept through my alarm at 830 and like aija called me and woke me up at 1030 so then like i met her half way to go running so i dunno i went and got crack water lol ... so yea then we went out and we were gonna go to the beach so we could tan as we ran and then the boy texted me and told me that the lady from halmark was gonna call in a half hour to talk to me about hours so i like sprinted to my house and like i had to wait for like an hour and a half cuz i think there was a mess up in the boys message but i ended up like doing chores while i waited anyways ... umm so then like i guess i going in for trainging on next friday 1-4 and hopefully at some point hang out with joe that day and i gues like i dunno i cant hang out with josh and zach and aija cuz aija isnt gonna be around so maybe ill just like reschedule for another weekend or something o yea so then after i takled to that lady we went to aijas grammas and went swimming and like we found bobs pot plant in the back of the shed and i took a pic of aija next to it lol yea it was funnie so then i dunno she tried to teach me how to dive but im so uncooridinated that i couldnt do it so yea umm then i duno her bro and mom and dad came and we swam with trent hes a dick and then like her family was talking abotu the plant it was funnie ass so i dunno they lft and we stayed a lilttle bit longer and like swam some more and i dunno went to my house and watched some aqua teen cuz its soo awesome so yea that was my day im outtie i guess
so yea yesterday was fun with ashley and we watched a shit load of movies and shit and we went riding and all that shit ... yea i dunno nothing really exciting after that ... im just like bruised on my legs and hands and have blisters on my thumbs but watever so yea ... umm today nothing at all happened like i was gonna hang out with aija but she had too much shit to do so i just sat around and watched tv yea and then like randomly aija came to my house and asked if i wanted to go to marys for drinks with her mom so i was like ok so we went down there and we talked and shit and watever and then aijas moms like shit dss is coming at 330 and im like it was 330 when i left lol so they like sprinted back to the car and i walked home lol it was good yea thats all that happened today ... yea im boring o well ... i had practice today again but i dint go again cuz first of all i didnt have a ride and second of all i didnt wake up until it was overlol ea umm but i need to like start running soon and i really need to look at colleges fuckin a o well im totally out love ya bye
theres a voice in my head telling me why i should hate you but i hate myself instead theres a pair of dead eyes in the mirror looking back at me i guess its wrong to live life so lifelessly scars are tearing open along my palms and knees i guess thats what i should get for crawling back at your feet now im feeling so down that theres no god above no mercy for a soul thats just way too fucked up theres a pain in my chest growing stronger with every heartbeat now thers nothing left of me but empty bottles of pills and bacardi i guess its wrong to live life ...leave me here to die
--Bayside
lol i love this song
yea so umm yesterday ... uhh me and aija went up to jeffs (im skipping the morning bullshit cuz nothing cool happened) and we planed wat we were gonna do to the basement when we got to her house and then we ate and shit and left and went to her house and we like layed down in the bed of the truck because there was no room in the front ... so watever lol yea so we get down stairs and then all of a sudden fucking trent runs in wicked fast and is all like GET THE FUCK OUT and we are all like no shut up cuz hes not supposed to be down there cuz he always smokes and shit down there .... so anyways i dunno aija and trent were fighting and shit but fucking trent was blazed cuz he smoked with dave belville lol yea thats funnie shit so yea and then id unno we ended up watching porn some how and like then we went out for ice cream came back and i ended up watching more porn than i wanted ... not that i really wanted to watch that nasty shit anyways it was all anal sex bahhhh so yea then i dunno i was liek where the fuck did aija go cuz she went up stairs to get the xbox ... so i ran upstairs all quick like cuz i didnt wanna watch more porn ... bahhh .... so yea then umm i duno we got all the xbox shit and brought it down stairs and we hooked it up and played sims on it and then trents like wtf i wanna watch my porn and we were like shut the hell up we will show you how to make and apple bong if you let us play ... so then we did and we showed him how to use it and shit it was funnie like we had a bunch of apple maybe like 3 or 4 lol it was good shit and then i dunno i think we ended up watching more porn and i was liek wtf i dont wanna watch this so like i dunno i guess we ended up playing tetris and we had another apple but not an apple i dunno really watever thats not important so like eventyally i called josh and i dunno he didnt call back for a while i dunno really i think we just watched tv for a while and trent left at some time so like i dunno i was like this place sucks lets go so then aijatook her purse and we went for a walk and i dunno i was likelets call josh back and then he said he and zach were gonna pick us up or watever ... we ended up going to this huge ass feild over by bartlett and did watever for a lil bit .. and i was liek fucking wicked hungery lol thats good spellings lmao anyways so we went to mcdonalds and got MILK SHAKES yes they are fucking awesome and so cold tho it was fucking cold ass yesterday ... but we were at mcdonalds for like a while and i dunno i guess we went home and i dont remember if we jsut watched tv or not but i no eventually we went to bed and it was really hard cuz aijas room was a mess from earlier wen we were looking for the xbox shit
and you no what the fucked this is ... we bought a camera specifically so we could catch one of our crazy saturday nights on camera and i fucking forgot it and i didnt wanna go upstairs and get it cuz i didnt wanna go and see her parents lol theres only like a before and after pic but watever there will be other times ... but i mean that wasnt a crazy saturday night that was just like a well planed one ... cuz like we did an apple and her dad came down stairs and we had inscents lit and shit and trent was smokin a butt and he didnt even notice it was wicked funnie but yea ... um i dunno so yea it was wicked fun last night lol id totally hang out with josh and zach again they are wicked funnie
but yea i guess im going riding today so yea im pretty phsyced up about that i dunno even if i spelt that right ...
yea i left aijas house and she was still sleeping lol and i have practice tomorrow WTF lol thats gonna be a bitch i dunno how im even gonna get out there ... o well im outt ttyl love ya bye
Shakedown 1979, cool kids never have the timeOn a live wire right up off the streetYou and I should meetJunebug skipping like a stoneWith the headlights pointed at the dawnWe were sure we’d never see an end to it allAnd I don’t even care to shake these zipper bluesAnd we don’t knowJust where our bones will restTo dust I guessForgotten and absorbed into the earth belowDouble cross the vacant and the boredThey’re not sure just what we have in the storeMorphine city slippin dues down to seeThat we don’t even care as restless as we areWe feel the pull in the land of a thousand guiltsAnd poured cement, lamented and assuredTo the lights and towns belowFaster than the speed of soundFaster than we thought we’d go, beneath the sound of hopeJustine never knew the rules,Hung down with the freaks and the ghoulsNo apologies ever need be made, I know you better than you fake itTo see that we don’t care to shake these zipper bluesAnd we don’t know just where our bones will restTo dust I guessForgotten and absorbed into the earth belowThe street heats the urgency of soundAs you can see there’s no one around
i just wanted to put these lyrics hin herebecause it reminded me of good times with good friends ... good friends i no longer have ...
smashing pumpkin - 1979
good effin song ... i wish i could go back sometimes but other times i wish i could never look back ...
uhh yea yesterday was watever .. i hung out with chad and garrett and john lol yea but i dunno i got wicked effed and i dunno watever so yea i guess me and aija are hanging out today and tomorrow but tomroro jeffs having a bday cookout so its like wtf how am i gonna do wat i wanted to do so maybe i will pop by and do watever and yea itll be good hopefully but i got a new outfit today its sooooo adorable its like a plaid skirt and its hottness and i got a new zip up and a new shirt and its all so cute so now im just waiting for aija and babysitting but i only have ot babysit for like i dunno an hour ? yea so watever ttyl love ya bye
well today i went to jeffs and did my thing and then i like sat around and played video games all the rest of the day until my mom made dinner ... yea and then my mom was like blah and my dad aws like ill buy you new shoes tomorro and i was like im babysitting i cant ... and hes like ill take you out to get shoes after i help skeletor lmao well not really but ywa then i dunon we went out and i got a pair of new runing shoes ... not the ones i wanted tho they were out of them but i got the 2nd best they are saucony they are mfing pimp but i duno then i got home after getting beat with sox at kmart by my dad fuckin douche and then we wen thome and i wastched a show on brewerys lol yea so then i dunno im all sad and shit cuz aija cant come babysitting with me tomorrow wtf yea but im all kinda said but the fact the josh is high is funnie cuz it is and i duno im really just fucking not in a good mood... : (
yea but im not worrying about it as much but yea my comp is still broken and i dont feel like dealing with but lately ive just been playing sims ... and my famiy tried to discuss like what we are doing on the cape but we are all fighting about it so its ridiculous lol yea i just wanna go chill on a beach but yea im going out with carol later to get a flip flop necklace yea its cool but i dunno i feel good today about my self i wish i had somwhere to go but i dont ... and still i need to find a bf lol
ok so like yea im just really just having a rant moment ...
i feel as if im not gonna have anyfriends next year ... and alot of it is my fault and im only semi sorry for my actions ... because im just not putting up with anyones bs ... and i dunno right now im just upset ... i really miss having a bf to hug me and be like ... are you ok and and to tell me that he loves me or just likes to be around me ... no one says shit like that to me and if they do it just isnt the same ... i dunno ... i just wanna love and be loved in return ... i mean am i ugly ??? ... i mean ... maybe i am ... i probably am ... but like i must have a shitty personality too because i see nastier girls get with good looking guys ... that are good guys ... i dunno im quite upset and just i dunno when ever i feel like this i just wanan be held ... no one holds me ... i think thats why i want a bf .... no one inmy family holds me and tells me shit will be ok ... i mean you wouldnt even have to say that just like give me a good reassuring hug and ill be fine because i no thats what you mean ... but i dunno shit ... maybe i deserve this ebacsue im a shitty person ... maybe im just pmsing ... but i dunno i miss it ... i wanna go out and meet guys ... nice guys ... the sweet kind that do stupid shit but mean well and just are silly and ... whatever i dunno im sooo upset somone please come to my rescue even tho ... i no you wont
I'll be your friend in hell, until then I despise you. And I probably always will. I cant afford to make another mistake like this. Cause this is more than I can take. I don't mean to leave angry, this is by your own device. I'm sure this comes as no surprise.
My Memories
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