Tuesday, November 30, 2004

[[i heart my adventures with josh lol]]

lol omfg i heart josh soooo fucking much ... lol and ill tell you why ... in a minute after i tell you about our adventures lol ok lol so me and josh .... we hang out today just like anyother ordinary day ... ya no i dunno do ordinary chell and josh things ... like go for walks on the beach and such well first we went to my work and got my coach presents and then we went to the beach cuz thats wat we do ... we are the cool kids lol ... so yea then we went for a walk and we came back and we were sittin in the car and i was like lets sit in the back since its soooo big back there lol so we do and we are just like sitting doing watever nothign really all that bad right and like yea so then i dunno a car goes by and like watever people are weird and drive around ... but like then this car liek turns its lights on us ... not just any lights like this spot light lol so me and josh are like ok lol hes like its the cops and im like haha thats funnie ... so the cop pulls up next to us and josh opens the door and hes like hello or somethign and the cop is like hey is everything ok i couldnt see throught the windows cuz they were all fogged up and josh was like yea we werent doing anything and hes like ok just making sure or somethign and then hes like you can go back to your business lol ... now watever that cop was thinking i dunno but im sure he musta thought we were just being dumb teenagers making out in the back of the car lol but it was funnie all the same so i dunno then we went to look for slushies and we dindt find any but then we went to kmart and just walked around and pushed buttons and picked out a dinner table??? lol but yea and then we went to brooks and i got lemon heads it was awesome i heart josh lol there is no one else that i can have such silly adventures with .... hes such a hottie face lol : D hooray

lyrics bitches


Dear Jamie, I've got a letter I would like to send
It's lacking strings of words with punctuation at the end
But should I trust this dialect
To convey the right effect?
Dear Jamie, I've got some things I'd like to set in pen
I would have used a pencil but leads just not permanent
But should I trust my printer's ink
To express the things I think?
Every page I tried my best to think of something to contest
With inside jokes and other folks who've got much more to say
Dear Jamie, this envelope will represent my heart
I'll seal it send it off and wish it luck with its depart
And this stamp will be every action that carried my affection
Across the air and land and sea
But should I trust the postage dude
To deliver my heart to you?
Every page I tried my best to think of something to contest
With inside jokes and other folks who've got much more to say
Every page I tried my best to fill with something to contest
With inside jokes and other folks who've got much more to say
I'll give you all I can
A flower and a hand
I hope this helps you see
Signed, sincerely me


Y

Thought of you at... |9:29:00 PM|

[[i really dont feel weel ]]


ejjjjjjdlaskfj
Originally uploaded by michelle95839849.
lol so instead of doing work i decided to fuck around with pictures lol yea i really wanna go home and im totally thinking about it but i really erally shouldnt i should at least try to do some work or something lol but yea ummm i did this pic of aija cuz i thought it would look hott in black in white cuz im awesome

Thought of you at... |10:11:00 AM|

[[o man wtf]]

lol o man lol talk about sickness .... i kinda feel a lil better after eating but i hope i dont feel like i did earlier .... but yea will gave me a ride to school and that was good cuz like o man its awesome and then me aija and steph just like wandered around the school randomly and like omg my head really does hurt alot .... i wanna go home i really dont feel good so maybe i will after 11 so at least i have a full day ... im wicked tired tooo i hope i get work done today cuz that would be a good thing ...... but yea i dunno .... i heart josh heheheeh ... lol like just talking to him online and stuff cuz hes such an awesome guy lol ... im so repetitive but watever cuz it doesnt matter alright im outtie bitches heres some lyrics to complete your day ....


You promised me starry night skies
They just remind me of your shining bright eyes
I'm missing your voice at night time
Sepa-separation seem-seems a sad crime
B-b-b-but dont dont dont think think think i forgot you you you
Are are are oh so sweet i i i - i know
If only you were here
(things would be more magical)
If i was there
(Right now would be more radical)
You're so not near
(I'm wishing I could place a call)
and feel closer to you Oh
Miles of air and road and land
That separate me from all my plans
Were havin' havin' havin' havin' fun
But something something tells me I miss someone
B-but i hope hope hope you didn't forget me I couldn't
Forget you the whole time I always knew I knew
If only you were here
(things would be more magical)
If i was there
(Right now would be more radical)
You're so not near
(I'm wishing I could place a call)
and feel closer to you Oh
Say that youre into me just let me know how it will be
If you dont know don't say so
Ill wait till the perfect time think of all the perfect lines
Ill make sure if i let you know
Weve got movies on our list to see
Things to do just you and me
Calls to make from here to there and back
Weve got fun to have and days to spend
Stars to see or just pretend
A least for now just keep things right on track
Say that your into me just let me know how it will be
If you dont know dont say so
Ill wait till the perfect time to think of all the perfect lines
Ill make sure if i let you know
Say that your into me just let me know how it will be
If you dont know dont say so
Ill wait till the perfect time to think of all the perfect lines
Ill make sure if i let you know
Y

Thought of you at... |7:53:00 AM|

_____________

Monday, November 29, 2004

[[tetheheheheh]]

has anyone else notcied that i have been putting like the same lyrics for the past week liek twice lol cuz i didnt ... lol im a tard o well im not worried about ... i dont no why i had to write a post about that but it seemed like a good idea at the time hahahah im awesome ... o well im out to do more work bitches

Thought of you at... |10:47:00 AM|

[[in a good mood]]

but like .... i cant go out so i dunno its gay but maybe i can find a way if imjust home early maybe ... i dunno im like wicked hyper and i have to talk to my fucking guidance counselor about classes whihc i am totally not looking forward to .... but yea ummm i have to get back to work so im gonan do that illl leave you with a brief lyrics thing ?? lol


Spinning on that dizzy edge I kissed her face I kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had To let her go
"Why are you so far away?" she said
Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you
That I'm in love with you
You
Soft and lonely
You
Lost and only
You
Strange as angels Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream
You're just like a dream
Daylight whipped me into shape I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her inside of me
Y

Thought of you at... |9:25:00 AM|

_____________

Sunday, November 28, 2004

[[...]]

just feelin straight up pretty shitty ... josh really is keeping me pretty sane tho ... keeping the razors out of my mouth lol kinda funnay ... heres some lyrics cuz im special and they are good to read and they really .. make me think ... maybe or not maybe im just tryin to get you to read it lol

Is it really true
Did you save yourself
For someone who could love you for you
So many times we just give it away
To someone who
Someone who
You met in a bar
The back of a car
And for a moment
You felt important
But not in your heart
Cuz my self esteem
It’s been low
Go ahead and count,
It’s been lower than low
I know the feeling
Of it stealing life out from under me
Cuz I want to learn
How you save yourself
For someone who
Could love you for you
So many times we just give it away
To someone who couldn’t even remember your name
Did you save yourself
For someone who loves you for you
And loves me for me
Give it away
To someone who
Someone who
Can cherish your name
Cuz I want to learn
Did you save yourself
For someone who
Loves you for you
And loves me for me
Give it away
To someone who
Someone who
Can cherish your name
Cherish your name
Y

Thought of you at... |11:22:00 PM|

[[why am i up]]

i dunoo but like im soo fucking not even awake lol i havent evne like i dont even no lol but i dunno lol my body hurts hahahaha lol kinda funnay but not .... i hope im doin something today cuz like i dunno if i could handel being home cuz like lately the longest time ive been home is jsut to like sleep its pretty cool ... but i still havent filled out those applications and i need to get out of my english class like hard core

but yea .... im in a good mood lol


I'm here back in your bed babe
Remember what you said to me
"You can be my james dean, I'll be your sweet queen"
I said that you were my first, but you weren't even close now
Like a frame in a movie, you're just one of many
Can you grant me one last wish
Play russian roulette as we kiss
I'll be your cheap novelty
Blow your brains, oh baby
I gave you these roses now but i left in the thorns
I'd rather hurt someone than hurt myself
I'll dispose of you like a lighter out of fuel
I'll lose you somewhere on the shelf
Y

Thought of you at... |10:27:00 AM|

_____________

Saturday, November 27, 2004

[[soo tired ]]

but its soo awesome ... josh makes me feel so good like i wanan move in with him and just like lay around wiht him for hours like we did today ... : D he makes me sooo happy i havent had this many good days in a row like ever ... he really makes me feel special .... im so in heart with him ..... hooray i heart him

"Show me, Show me, Show me how you do that trick"
"The one that makes me scream," she said
"The one that makes laugh," she said
And threw her arms around my neck
Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you
Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face I kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had To let her go
"Why are you so far away?" she said
Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you
That I'm in love with you
You
Soft and lonely
You
Lost and only
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream
You're just like a dream
Daylight whipped me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her inside of me
You
Soft and only
You Lost and Lonely
You
You're just like Heaven
Y

Thought of you at... |10:13:00 PM|

_____________

Friday, November 26, 2004

[[best fucking day ever ]]

i heart josh sooooo fucking much hes soo awesome ... and o man right i played dress up wiht aija o man sooo much fun and then i went to josh's and we like cuddled for ever and it was special and then teheheheh watever lol thats not important what is important that it was the best day ever ... i like him soooo much o man so much lol i really do alot i like him ... indeed alright ... teheheheeheh


Im gonna tear your ass up like we just got married
And youre all mine now
Tonight is the night weve been waiting for all our lives
Or maybe for just mine
So get your ass up cause youre in no hurry like I am now
Im getting older and older all of the time or maybe for just tonight
Y

Thought of you at... |10:44:00 PM|

[[otha hott chick]]


otha hott chick
Originally uploaded by michelle95839849.

Thought of you at... |10:40:00 PM|

[[otha hott chick face]]


otha hott chick face
Originally uploaded by michelle95839849.

Thought of you at... |10:39:00 PM|

[[otha hott chick face hat]]


otha hott chick face hat
Originally uploaded by michelle95839849.

Thought of you at... |10:39:00 PM|

[[mosh]]


moshpits
Originally uploaded by michelle95839849.

Thought of you at... |10:38:00 PM|

[[hott chick]]


hott chick
Originally uploaded by michelle95839849.

Thought of you at... |10:37:00 PM|

[[dancin]]


dancin
Originally uploaded by michelle95839849.

Thought of you at... |10:37:00 PM|

[[face an sweater]]


face an sweater
Originally uploaded by michelle95839849.

Thought of you at... |10:36:00 PM|

[[legs]]


lergs
Originally uploaded by michelle95839849.
yes these are my sexy legs umm im posting a bunch of stuff from today that me and aija did when we played dress up we are too cool

Thought of you at... |10:35:00 PM|

[[michelle is the best]]

cuz i said so????%? im gonna stab josh in the face in like five seconds ... hes such a hottface its riduclous lol kindah

o man my day was pretty special because i went over to aijass house and played dress up with her and im gonna put up like a bunch of pictures and stuff ... cuz i look soo hott in all of them ... hahaha imi soo awesome ... its ridiculous .... watever umm yea im at josh's house tho hes so awesome .... im gonna go tho ... so i can molest him some more hehehehe haha lol kinda funnay

Thought of you at... |6:39:00 PM|

_____________

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

[[i cant wait til tomorrow ...hopefully ]]

yea im gonna see josh tomorrow its gonna be special ... umm i stayed home from school today even tho i had an exam and a test in related and yea lol im kinda dumb but thats ok i heart everything right now but thats only cuz i have such and awesome boyfriend yea .... im kinda tired tho i think i shoulda slept more but wat are ya gonna do ... lol tehehe im so in a good mood .... im sorry im done lol
Youve made a lasting impression
And if it doesnt feel right
Then I just cant go wrong
Ive been sleeping with the lights on
So if I wake in the night
Your picture is clearly in sight
So lets meet at the mouth for a kiss
Thats been so long overdue
I could explode
Cuz you just never you never know
It would suit the moment perfectly
Y

Thought of you at... |1:17:00 PM|

_____________

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

[[...]]

josh is soo fucking awesome he makes me sooo happy im in such a good mood cuz he makes me feel sooogood i heart him ... : D

Thought of you at... |4:56:00 PM|

_____________

Monday, November 22, 2004

[[WTF]]

im such a cunt bag ... i wish i could stop everything and gte a head start again ... im so overwhelmed and its like i dont care but i do like its soo stressfull its making me not care but its fucking terrible and its really getting to me i cant stand this shit i really just fucking wanna run away and never have to worry about this shit ever again

Thought of you at... |3:26:00 PM|

_____________

Saturday, November 20, 2004

[[alright night]]

yea so we went to exposure it was good and i saw funks band and it was alright and like ... we saw our last night and they were and they were fuckng awesome the little 11 year old kid was soo fucking adorable i wanted to take him home ... it was good there was a bit of drama but its expected from asshole guys .. but watever i really like josh alot ... like i real lot he just lke left here like 5 mins ago and i wish he didnt but he looked pretty bored sso its better that way anyways but watever im gonna go and do something later

Thought of you at... |10:39:00 PM|

[[.... woot]]

lol kinda funnay ... so anyways umm yesterday was good i got to hang out with josh and hes such a cutie awww adorable lol and i got to hang out with bob and aija for a bit which is cool cuz he got us tickets and i let him borrow my hellfest dvd cuz im a nice kid lol and then me and josh like fell asleep in his car at the lake it was funnie lol i heart him hes so cute ... i want him to make me breakfast in bed awww omg lol i was gonna say aww twice in one sentence so i decided to change it to omg lol : D josh make me sooo happy its awesome cuz hes soo fucking nice and awesome and sweet and a hottface and i heart it oman lol i cant wait till the show i hope im not like wickd tired cuz that would suck sooo much ass but watever cuz we are gonna be cool kids lol well ummm .... im gonna go and get more ready for work uhh ill talk to you later hottfaces : D heheheheh

Im gonna tear your ass up like we just got married
And youre all mine now
Tonight is the night weve been waiting for all our lives
Or maybe for just mine
So get your ass up cause youre in no hurry like I am now
Im getting older and older all of the time or maybe for just tonight
Y

Thought of you at... |8:34:00 AM|

_____________

Friday, November 19, 2004

[[emokid]]


emokid
Originally uploaded by michelle95839849.
lol look at me hehe imall emo kid wiht stephs emo kid hat... speaking of suchthings lol i walked around the school all this morning holding her hand lol and i saw my ex bf and it was kinda funnie i dont think he saw tho but i just wanted to see his face cuz i was all like singing this song it was like "having sex an doing drugs cuz thats wat the cool kids like to doooo" lol it was sooo fucking hilarios but not to anynoe else cuz steph was like dragging me around cuz we were trying to chase after this kid that is all emo and like i dunno aija like creams herself for him so we followed him but i was almost late but not oke lol im done tellin stories

Thought of you at... |8:25:00 AM|

[[]]

so yea uhh im wicked fucking tired lol but its ok ... i was up really late talking to josh cuz hes awesome and he made me feel so much better yesterday ... hes such a hott face and im gonna see him today and its gonna be awesome cuz he is awesome ... i heart him hes so awesome to talk to cuz i dunno its just good stuff but now im gonna pass out ... well pretty much wat im gonna do when i get homeis like take a shower and ass out and wait for josh to call me lol i hope hes not tired cuz id feel bad ... alright well im out ill talk to yuo hottfaces later


Here we lay again
On two separate beds, riding phone lines
To meet a familiar voice and pictures drawn from memory
We reflect on miscommunications and misunderstandings
And missing each other too...much to have had to let go
Turn our music down and we whisper,
"Say what you're thinking right now."
Y

Thought of you at... |8:16:00 AM|

_____________

Thursday, November 18, 2004

[[feeling kinda suicidal????]]

despite the fact that i should have no reason to be ... like i dunno i just really wanna disappear forever
its just that simple ... i dont no why i feel like this but i kinda like i dont no i dont really wanan talk abotu it i guses im out bithes

Thought of you at... |10:08:00 PM|

[[: /]]

IJ
i wish i was somwhere else ... somplace warm and comforting...

Thought of you at... |10:33:00 AM|

[[why are you still reading this ]]

lyics ... cuz i never heard the starting line sing this and i thought it was kinda funnie but im just a tard so it doesnt even fucking matter any ways


I got the talk when I was younger
And understood as I recall,
they hadn't mentioned this at all.
My heart was racing like a sprinter
That tripped and fell In love with a girl just for tonight and thats all
Ive got big, big plans
And theyve got to mean something more than just once.
I just dont know what I want.
Im gonna tear your ass up like we just got married
And youre all mine now
Tonight is the night weve been waiting for all our lives
Or maybe for just tonight
I got the call when I was older
Yea and I understood
If it happens then it happens and thats all
My arms the hose and youre the fire
Out of control and Ive got put you out
Before theres nothing left at all
Ive got big, big plans
And theyve got to mean something more than just once
I just dont know, I dont know
I dont know, I dont know
I dont know, I dont know
I just dont know what I want
Im gonna tear your ass up like we just got married
And youre all mine now
Tonight is the night weve been waiting for all our lives
Or maybe for just mine
So get your ass up cause youre in no hurry like I am now
Im getting older and older all of the time or maybe for just tonight
And the next part is the hardest
So admit and explian but ive got to get a rise
She said I'll chew you up and spit you out like all them.
Im gonna put you right back in my mouth
Youre gonna stay like that for now
I will always love you
I said I tore your ass up like we just got married
And youre all mine now
Tonight is the night weve been waiting for all our lives
Or maybe its just
Youve gotta get your ass up cause youre in no hurry
Like I am nowIm getting older and older all of the time one more time
I said I tore your ass up like we just got married
And youre all mine now
Tonight is the night weve been waiting for all our lives
Or maybe its just mineYeah yeah yeah

Thought of you at... |8:59:00 AM|

[[hmm : /]]

its kinda gay ... kinda bitchy today ... its sucks i hate school everyone is angry and its kinda shitty outside right now ... and i dont wanna be here i dotn wanan do any work i just wanna go to sleep forever in my room ... close my window and my door and just sleep ... cuz that would be nice ... i fucking hate this im out bitches

but not before some quality lyrics

i know your not blind so open your eyes and make an attempt
its more than you could ever understand
and its because you want to see things differently i could tell you what im thinking,
i could tell you what im thinking
but it could wreck what we have
and im not in the mood for taking chances
you're beautiful
and i dont see why you havent realized this truth
and i try but its useless
[youll never see]this is one bridge ive walked across and one bridge ive fallen off
so say these looks are something and that these hints are nothing
youre hard to read and its hard to tell
what we really mean
and what you want me to do
see you have it easy and you dont knowthe feeling of falling's becoming a familiar face in this crowd
theres never any floors beneath my feet, my feet
the feeling of falling's becoming a familiar face in this crowd
theres never any floors beneath my feet, my feet[youre beautiful]
[and i dont know]
why you havent noticed

Thought of you at... |8:07:00 AM|

_____________

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

[[... tired ]]

... josh tired me out ... yea ... uhh ... tired ... gay ... so now im all like grrr irritated i dont like being home cuz everyone is loud and annoying the fuck outta me ... and i dunno its dumb fuck them

i heartjosh ...

im outbitches later

Thought of you at... |5:52:00 PM|

[[I HEART EVERYTHING]]

hello everything is awesome ... i might be able to get ticks to exposure before the show from bob ... which is pretty fucking cool ... but like o man i heart josh ... andi cant even wait to see him today cuz hes such a hottface and i do miss him soo like hardcore : D lol hooray o man im so like o man and i got like 3 cases done which is good i have one left but i prob wont do it but i was gonna take a book home and do it at home but like ... mr g wont let me but i so dont even care ... im sooo fucking excited likei could like cry and o man i heart this shit i heart o man lol who cares ... i heart music ... and my awesome bf and how awesome he is lol ... well im gonna go and do something awsome so ill takl to you later cool kids

Thought of you at... |1:55:00 PM|

_____________

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

[[procrastination is a bitch]]

kinda like me..... but watever .... despite wat you may think due to my past statement i am in good spirits lol... i wanna go to exposure on sunday cuz i wanna see one last night and a bunch of other bands goin and i think steph is going... im sooo addicted to music it hurts lol its kinda funnie cuz im only using one hand to type lol o well im out bitches .... uhh if you happened to be my bf josh lol ill talk to tonihgt afterschool probably ... i heart you hottness



Sifting through weathered photo albums
looking for glorious aged polaroids
of places you have never been
a place to accept that you dont really exist
"Smile for the camera sweet heart
I really want to immortalize this moment"
but just remember the first step in forgetting
is destroying all the evidence
with friends like you who needs subtext
This is a 44 caliber love letter straight from my heart
Straight from my heart (deal with it)

Thought of you at... |1:09:00 PM|

[[i feel kinda shitty : /]]

i kinda dont like it .... i kinda dont no.... i kinda miss josh alot : / ..... i hate this i feel so shitty i wanan cry really bad ... i dnt even no why i even feel like this its terrible ... i hate everything ... i duno ihope i feel better later i want to see josh really bad like you dont even no ... i just wanna give him a really big big hug and a big emo kiss and be like I Y YOU lol but i dunno he didnt seem like he even wanted to takl to me which is even more depressing and when will gave me a ride to school we talked about all the coke heads in oxford adn all the kids in middle school that are taking acid and dealing pills like candy ... this shit is so fucked ... i feel so shitty .. this place sucks

Do you, do you like dreaming
Of things so impossible?
Or only the practical,
Or ever the wild?
Waiting through all of your Bad, bad days;
Just to end them
With someone you care about?
But do you like making out,
And long drives and brown eyes
And guys that just don't quite fit in?
"Do you like them?"

Thought of you at... |7:56:00 AM|

_____________

Monday, November 15, 2004

[[i had thee worst night sleep ]]

but it was really good.... lol i was seriously up late thinking about how awesome josh really is lol i seriously was glowing ... or it seemed that way cuz myeyes were all blurry with insomnia lol but o well im not worried about it ... im not really that tired im just like ... weird but im extremely pissed off but in a good mood cuz fucking well im mad cuz they fucked around with my c drive and now i cant listen to my fucking station ... and now i have to listen to ghetto brand radio online bahhh ... i miss my extremely emo statinon but o well ... i hate school i especially hate this school cuz fucking people are soo fucking dumb ... cant even fucking fix my comp fuckers but they can fuck around iwth everything else ... fucking cunt bags .... but watever lol i have to do work later hottness

This vacation's useless
These white pills aren't kind
I've given alot of thought
on this 13-hour drive
I miss the grinding concrete
Where we sat past 8 or 9
And slowly finished laughing
in the glow of our head lights
I've given a lot of thought
to the nights we use to have
The days have come and gone
Our lives went by so fast

I faintly remember breathing
on your bedroom floor
Where I laid and told you
but you sweared you loved me more
Do you care if I
dont know what to say
Will you sleep tonight
or will you think of me
Will I shake this off,
pretend its all okay
That theres someone out there
who feels just like me
There is
Those notes you wrote me
Ive kept them all
Ive given alot of thought
of how to write you back this fall
With every single letter,
in every single word,
There will be a hidden message
About a boy that loves a girl
Do you care if I
dont know what to say
Will you sleep tonight
or will you think of me
Will I shake this off,
pretend its all okay
That theres someone out there
who feels just like me
There is
Do you care if I
dont know what to say
Will you sleep tonight
or will you think of me
Will I shake this off,
pretend its all okay
That theres someone out there
who feels just like me
Do you care if I
dont know what to say
Will you sleep tonight
or will you think of me
Will I shake this off,
pretend it's all okay
That theres someone out there
who feels just like me
There is.

Thought of you at... |8:41:00 AM|

_____________

Sunday, November 14, 2004

[[im a sexy girl]]

im michelle and im sexy.. and thats all because i have a lame boyfriend who cant write in blogs for shit..

Thought of you at... |10:04:00 PM|

[[rewritting an emo poem i wrote with aija in english class]]

maybe itll turn out better or ... prob worse ill put both versions so you can see how much i suck lol ok

first version:

i walked across the world to kiss your hand
but you trampled my heart into the ground
you left me with nothing but pain and tears
i am broken hearted and alone
all that i had was you and now your gone

new version:

i walked across the world to kiss his hand
but he trampled my heart into the ground
he left me with nothing but pain and tears
i was broken hearted and alone
all that i had was him and now hes gone

but through my pain there was you to save me
to help remind me what it was like
to be happy and to be loved again
i am so glad i have you here with me
here to help me brighten my life
a life that had become so dark i couldnt see
see things for what they were but now...
your here and now im finally spellbound


lol can you tell when like i gave up lol i really cant even concentrate on something i wanan do lol o well im not worried about it lol





Thought of you at... |8:50:00 PM|

[[good day with will]]

yea so i hung out with will and did normal michelle and will things it was fun and insightful ... hes one of the few people that can actually make me think about things and rethink my actions ... but i duno im gonna be thinking for awhile ... but its ok ... it was jsut a good day ... hes such a good friend i heart him ... i missed josh today it kinda sucks but its ok cuz now im gonna talk to him in a bitish? lol o well im out buh bye

Thought of you at... |8:29:00 PM|

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Saturday, November 13, 2004

[[ok.... ]]

so since i dindt really tell you about my night .... im gonna try to remember watevre i can ... or as much as i can or ill just like explain the best details that i remember lol that are funnie ... and they wont be in order wat so ever lol so let me try to get them in order as much as possible lol ok this is wat i remember lol ok lol

so right ... the first thing .... josh's lights were on in his car like for ever and it took us really for ever to figure out what the fuck happened but it was funnie lol

and then like umm i dunno we went to the beach or watever and like ... because it was snowing it pretty much reminded me of fucking christmas ... but like if you looked a certain way because of the water on the windsheilds it was like jurassic park ... and like all we needed was like a cup of water and that banging noise lol and according to aija i was making that banging noise for a while lol ...but like aija and fucking steph were in the back lol and josh was convinced that they were gonna dike it out by the end of the night lol funnie stuff ... and umm ... i dunno there was some car that drove by lol that was like doing donuts but i was like maybe they are testing their handling? and like the roads were really bad so we like went to the bowling alley parking lot and like ... it was funnie like aija and steph like passed out and like it was just weird .... and i think between those two times we went to the fucking foot ball feild and steph took a piss inside the utility shed lol .... o shit and they were like having like races or something??? thats what it looked like cuz me and josh were still in the car lol ... but like o man it was soo funnie ...so anyways like it looked like a movie like they were on an ice skating rink .... and then like i dunno so yea after we went to the bowling alley (lol look at my awesome chronlogical logic ???? lol ) ok so yea after uhh me and josh went to that feild or watever ... and then like we played in the middle and josh said it was like a stadium but it was totally soomuch more like an ice skating rink ... lol and like i dunno then we ended back up at bartlett and like we found another apple even tho steph said she ate two but she was just like fucking obliterated anyways and dint no what was going on so like it was quarter to ten and we were like doing watever and josh had to be home in 15 mins it was funie and then i guess aijas mom new what was up and they bought us a pizza lol funnie shit CHEERIOS = VAGINA IN FRENCH lol im out bitches


Thought of you at... |1:20:00 PM|

[[its a blizzard outside]]

i kinda feel like its christmas break like last night ... .hahahaha ... eyea it felt lke christmas really bad and now im like wicked out of it and cant make anysense but thats ok ok im gonna go now buh bye i heart everything covered in snow .... im kinda wishing that i didnt have to work so i could go out side and play but o well ... ill ttyl bitches o wait some lyrics to complete your journal reading experience

Taken by surprise you've found
a way inside my heart.
a heart that has been hurt and
Torn by love so many times.
dreams of you
and the day we fall in love
Fill up my mind all day
So all that i have left to say is..

Please take this piece of my heart
And never let it go.
Things may not work out quite right
But i won't lose hope.
And I didn't see you coming
You walked through my hearts' doors
Where i'm so vulnerable and very few will get inside.
Dreams of you and the day we fall in love fill up my mind all day
So all that i have left to say is.

i know i'm not the one who makes your life complete.
The one who you thought is so charming and sweet.
This feeling inside burns deeply for you.
It's not who you are but it's all that you do.
But i wont lose hope

Thought of you at... |8:13:00 AM|

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Thursday, November 11, 2004

[[i heart days off]]

i wicked heart awesome bfs that i spend my whole day snuggling with .... cuz they are awesome and sooo awesome lol ... im in a pretty good mood im just really tired and stuff and ... i dont really feel good ... but im in a good mood cuz i got to spend soo much time iwht josh which is wicked cool and i slept over aijas which was cool even tho her mom was being quite ridiculous and i did get quite messed up on those apples lol o well umm i am gonna go and do stuff ttyl

Thought of you at... |9:24:00 PM|

[[im up at like 7?]]

yea...yesterday was funill go more into that later ... but lke i just got up at lke twenty to seven lol like my alarm didnt even go off ok ill ttyl tho buh bye

Thought of you at... |6:51:00 AM|

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Tuesday, November 09, 2004

[[another great one for the record ]]

i feel soo shitty ... dont ask me why but i ... dunno ... i hate re reading old posts lol dont even ask me why i do it ... they make me look wicked dumb ... o man i feel so fucking dumb ... i wishi knew what i know now ... that whole adam thing was such fucking bullshit and i no theres like 2309843 people sitting there reading this and thinking yea ... shes totally right and i even told her that when she was with him ... i just feel really uncomfortable wiht myself ... i wanna go back to sleep forever and never come out of my room just fucking hide in my room i wish i felt better ... i need to go someplace warm ... i want everything to be ok ... just ok ... it would be nice ... im so worried about college ... i need to fucking apply but i keep putting it off sooo bad .... i feel neglected ... i really wish i used proper grammar when i wrote this ... maybe i will ... not fuck o well im out bitches bye...

im going to cut these loveless wrists
cuz my head sure hurts today..
take another 20 pills to try and make my troubles go away...away
why waste time

lifting my head
i'll keep it downsave face instead
i once felt strong

it wouldt last for long
wrap my hands around my neck
kill myself again
cut my arms with the
biggest knife that i can stand
stand in line for days and nights

making up lost time
this is how i feel
It's more then i can stand

Thought of you at... |4:40:00 PM|

[[didnt go to school today]]

so nothing exciting and pretty much nothing to bitch about ... that will come later so ill talk to you later bye bitches

Thought of you at... |2:32:00 PM|

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Monday, November 08, 2004

[[best part of my hole day ]]

some random kid at lunch: are you like hard rock?
joe: no they are little emo bitches
chell: wtf joe you fucking douche bag ill kill you i cant believe you would say something soo fucking dumb ill kill you

lol the look on joes face when i yelled at him ... soo priceless ... some random kid calling me hard rock ... with my dashboard sweater and dashboard shirt .... even more priceless .... and the fact that i can bitch somone out about something so ridiculous with a striaght face .... incredible ... but off to work for me eventually ill talk to you later

Thought of you at... |4:00:00 PM|

[[school is terrible]]

i hate acedemic week its soo bad i most deff dont like it ... i mean its like doing owrk all the time and getting bad grades and like o man just stupid ... but i did get a good grade on my prince exam that will helped me with so ill have to send him a fruit basket.... i miss josh and i wish i didnt have to work so i could make him feel better : ( .... but yea i dunno i have to work at 430 today which sucks cuz its like ealier than normal but i gotta go ill ttyl bye

Thought of you at... |11:50:00 AM|

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Sunday, November 07, 2004

[[done btiches ive been owrking on this since fuckin 1]]

Michelle Gauthier November 5,2004
Utopia and The Prince



It is difficult to settle on Niccolo Machiavelli and Thomas More’s views on human nature. Each took a different approach to the topic. Through Utopia, Thomas More attempted to change peoples thinking by creating a perfect society. Thomas More, in Utopia, tried to express that the only way for a better life was through change. More’s key objection of human nature was greed, power, and pride. More imagined a society, in which these three things no longer existed, believing that they were man’s downfall. More attempted to create a society in which oppression did not exist, More also intended to erase power. Increasingly conflicting is that More states that women are the “…weaker sex…” and “…are given the lighter jobs” Thomas More unsuccessfully, describes human nature. He depicts that man by nature is good-willed and conforming.
Although Niccolo Machiavelli, through The Prince, attempted to teach people how to deal with human nature. Machiavelli’s interests were gaining, maintaining, and expanding his political power. Though in some cases Machiavelli may seem harsh. Machiavelli generally did not trust citizens, “…since men are a sorry lot and will not keep their promises to you, you likewise need not keep yours to them”. In addition, “ a prince never lacks legitimate reasons to break his promises” when, “such an observance of faith would be to his disadvantage; and when the reasons which made him promise are removed” Machiavelli pronounces human nature to be very callous, deceiving, self-centered, and most of all unpredictable. Niccolo Machiavelli, on the other hand, triumphantly describes human nature. He depicts man in a form, though pessimistic, truer to reality. Machiavelli suggests that man will never change and that one will always attempt to overcome the other. He portrays man as an untrustworthy, ungrateful, greedy, and lying lot. Machiavelli admits the unchangeable faults of man in a way that stuns the reader, unlike More who has a more positive aspect towards the human nature of man.
In More’s vision of society, all citizens are thought of as equals. More's “perfect world” lacks classes, everyone shares in the same work, everyone is equal, and everyone has the same rights. In Utopia there is an obligation for all to work a minimum of six hours everyday at whatever he is best at. All people spend time in the country working on the land. All clothing is plain and simple, designed only for usefulness and sensibleness. More points out that if someone were dressed in 'finer' material, he would not appear better dressed to the Utopians. To prevent any manner of showing off, the Utopians exchange homes every ten years and eat together in mess halls. Hereditary distinction does not exist because children are easily moved around from household to household, depending on which profession he would like to be trained in. Since there is very little distinction in occupation, dress, lodging, riches, or use of free time, pride is almost non-existent in Utopia.
While Niccolo Machiavelli believes that when regarding how a prince should rule and act, Machiavelli states that in an ideal world, it is important for a prince to be good. But in reality, princes who distance themselves from moral concerns and do whatever it takes for the benefit of themselves rule best. Therefore, it is better to be frugal than giving, cruel than loving, cunning than honest. Machiavelli's general rule is to be as good as a ruler can get away with, but be willing to resort to any means necessary for the good of the state. Wisdom is also needed in picking and satisfying his closest advisors and avoiding flatterers.
If Utopia were an actual state, the citizens of Utopia would treat issues much differently than the citizens of modern day America. For example in Utopia the government forces men to work the land in two-year terms. In modern society, the government does not own the economy but it does control the economy. Also today people adorn all sorts of jewelry to beautify themselves or attract attention. People today are like the Anemolian ambassadors, they strut their fine jewels because they are "more proud than wise, they decide to dress as splendidly as the very gods." Utopians do not believe that this is beautiful or attractive; they believe that it is nothing but child’s toys because this is the way they are brought up. The Utopians also highly prize virginity. The government forbids marriage for life, for those who commit premarital intercourse. Yet the percentage of people marrying without premarital intercourse in our society is minute. In most cases, the couple has a long-standing sexual relationship. Utopian society is very controlling and would not allow many of the immoral acts that go on every day in our current times.
In, The Prince, Machiavelli stresses the importance for a prince to have the ability to relate to his citizens. Machiavelli also stresses the importance of gaining the support of the people because that is essential in times of trouble. This is also true in today’s society. Presidents need support of the people just to be elected; they also need the support of people during times of war. Having a leader that you, as a citizen support, would make you more liable to go and defend what your leader believes in. Machiavelli also states that a prince who is prepared in the art of warfare both in mind and body can overcome times of unfavorable fortune. This is also true in modern times because even when we are not at war we still train our, willing, citizens for combat. Another point that Machiavelli makes is that it is common sense that generosity is a good quality, but for a prince, it can lead to his downfall. In a practical sense, a prince cannot be generous all the time. Therefore, it is better for a prince to be economical from the beginning than earn the disapproval of the people. When choosing a leader people of our country tend to choose the leader that would most benefit them but, when a leader enters into office they don’t always end up keeping their promises to the people. Our presidents do this because it is not important to our country and may not benefit as many people.
Many of More’s and Machiavelli’s views are very different although they both believe in a strict system of rules and order. Both of these authors differ on equality and how their citizens are treated. Thomas More and Niccolo Machiavelli would run modern day America different from one another, due to their contradicting ideas on how a society should be run.




Thought of you at... |4:25:00 PM|

[[i need to get shot in the face ]]

excuse me while i go do that now ....























i feel like such a skeez














so many fucking wasted emotions ... i feel so shitty ... not like thats anything fucking new ... i really just wanna jump off a bridge .... theres one just down the street theres traffic below it .. so if i survive the fall ill at least get run over a few times .... get my face spattered on the concrete .... yea .... but watever .... being niave is the worst fucking thing ever .... i hate it sooo fucking much ..... i cant even help it .... i dont no .... im not gonna do my essay and im not even gonna deal wiht mr bob .... everything is so pointless im just gonna go lay in my room ... and do nothing because thats all i seem to be good at .... call me if you wanna save me .....

Thought of you at... |10:54:00 AM|

[[what a fucking sketchy weekend ...]]

i swear to god webster bleeds fucking sketchy people ....

alright so like i dunno friday i went to wills and chill with him and josh and it was cool you no it was like normal its just weird like the people you see at his house but like ... o man saturday was the wierdest fucking night well like yesterday morning we had the open house at work and it was sooo fucking insanely busy like o man i hate people that shop at that store like some guy spent like 223 dollars on fucking ornaments alone .... cuz i guess thats the cool thing to do lol but yea so i got out of work and i called aija and i was like yea im coming over so then likei ended up meting up wiht her and josh ... so aija was like o yea i never found our shit and i was like wow thats incredible so we went to find it and like we couldnt so then she goes and asks her dad if he seen it ... and he goes down there and flips out trying to find it as if it was like somehting really important lol so then like i dunno he could find it and aija was wicked pissed so then we were in her room looking up info on some random pills that like ... me and josh did and it was like i might as well have fucking blew salt lol sooo bad but it went away and like i cut my finger open and it hurts wen i type i need to get a bandaid so anyways like tanya ends up coming over and brings a shit load of ccc and like i guess sometime aija talked to brian and told him to bring shit too so like ... i dunno but aija too the ccc and like she was all likeim sick and bullshit so they left and me and josh like totally left cuz i cant stand anyof those sketchy people cuz like some how they "found" aijas pot but it wasnt even hers it was better which is really erallly weird and i didnt wana jsut wander around with a bunch of kids rolling on fucking ccc especially ciuz i was straight and i didnt wanna babysit anyone so me and josh like ended up getting his car and we went to subway and like we hung out forever and it was sooooo much better than my night coulda been cuz i most deffinately wouldnt have been having anything that night espiccally if i ended up not being straight it seemed like a really bad idea so watever i dotn even care cuz it ended up being a really good night cuz josh rescued me from a shady situation hooray alright so im gonna go back to doing watever i still have a four page essay to do and a dirty fish to clean lol alright bye

Thought of you at... |9:46:00 AM|

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Friday, November 05, 2004

[[hooray??? lol hooray for real lol]]

im in a pretty fucking great mood its pretty fucking AWESOME lol and awesome is like one of the best words to fucking describe anything and o man holy shit im in a good mood and i totally cant even wait to get out of school and see .... josh lol hooray o man im sooo excited .... i heart everythign and my life hooray lol ... yea and like otday this morning i was on the bus and it was raining but there was like blue skies everywhere and it was really kinda sunny and i was like hooray everything this is soo happy its crying lol which is wicked corny but i dunno i was like wow this is weird and like i dunno im just excited about like soo much stuff its crazy and like .... i keep saying like im so retarded ... i dunno i dont wanna do work and im gonna get a bad grade this quarter ... o man lol o well i keep i dunno whatever i dont even care hooray buh bye bitches

Im on fire and now I think Im ready to bust a move
Check it out Im rocking steady
Go!
Betty wont stop listening to modern rock
Now She hates to be alone
I try to compensate her lack of love with coffee cake
Ice cream and a bottle of ten dollar wine she says hey
I rock the Haro sport
I rock the cow girl blues
I rock too fast for love Im footloose in my Velcro shoes
Whats up with Will & Grace?
I dont get drum and bass
The future freaks me out
Im on fire and now I think ready to bust a move
Check it out Im rocking steady
To the beat in my head
It goes oh, oh, oh, oh
I know shes the only one
Id rather waste our time together
Yea, cause we can get down
Betty cant quit carving question marks in my wrist
How come were so alone
We waste away the days with nicotine and television sets
From an era we hate to admit we embrace
We fail to represent
We fail to be content
We fail at everything we ever even try to attempt
And so the story goes
As only Betty knows
Its time to take control
Im on fire and now I think ready to bust a move
Check it out Im rocking steady
To the beat in my head
It goes oh, oh, oh, oh
I know shes the only one
Id rather waste my time with her
(Betty, I need you
I miss you
Im so alone without you
To call up on the weekends with my cellular phone)
Betty its so hard to relate
To the whole human race
I dont know where to begin
I dont know where to begin
If we can both find a way
To do the things that we say
We might not sit in our rooms
And drink our daydreams away
Betty, Im a dreamer
No im not a vicious schemer
Oh betty wont you.. ah fuck it
Im on fire and now I think ready to bust a move
Check it out Im rocking steady
To the beat in my head
It goes oh, oh, oh, oh
I know shes the only one
Id rather waste our time together
Yeah, cause we can get down.



lol i no soo much lyrics lol

The cup is not half empty as pescimists say
As far as he sees nothing's left in the cup
A whole cup full of nothing for him to indulge
Since the voice of ambition has long since been shut up
A singer, a writer, he's not dreaming now of going nowhere
He gave heed to nothing, and all that he was...
Is just a tragedy
So he voyages in circles
Succeeds getting nowhere
And submits to the substance
That first got him there
Then in violent, frustration he cries out to God or just no one
Is there a point to this madness and all that he was...
Is just a tragedy
He feels alone
His heart in his hand
He's alone
He feels alone
I feel...
Then on that last day he breaks
And he stood tall
And he yelled...and he takes his life



i heart music

Thought of you at... |9:02:00 AM|

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Thursday, November 04, 2004

[[.... yea ]]

alright iwas in a really random mood at work i wanted to push everybutton and be really loud and talk alot and like just be a totall goof ball and like i sat in the back for a few minutes to listen to the rain hit the roof and it was like sooo awesome i was soo happy and content even tho i was at work ... but .... as soon as i steped in the car it was like i instantly got aggravated i dint wanna be talked to i didnt want to be looked at and i totally felt like shit ... i dont no why and i instantly got totally tired ... and now im sooo fucking irritated and shitty that its ridiculous ... i hate mood swings .... wtf im soo fucking pissed

Thought of you at... |9:22:00 PM|

[[weird yesterday ]]

lol alot of sketchy business lol i dunno likei hung out iwth josh and then will and then josh and then i saw like joey and i saw garrett lol which was kinda funnie too hahahhaahaha lol but yea i dunno and like sketchy old people whacking off is really really creepy .... lol but yea i had fun hanging out with josh as always lol it was fun.... really ... lol im all cheery and extra looking forward to some school workk andkinda wishing i dint have to work because i wana go home and write an essay ??? lol but yea and otto all ilke called aija last night when she as fucked up and it was theee funniest thing and like wow so much weird stuff likei dunno everything aws really random ... like at least to me hahai mean joey in webster??? for rodney lol yea it was that ufnnie alright well ill talk to you later so i can get backk to work lol i heart yuo all lol buh bye

Thought of you at... |8:05:00 AM|

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Wednesday, November 03, 2004

[[dont have to work]]

hoping i might be able to do something after school today ... i feel bad really bad ... i feel lke i dunno i did something rong ... i wanna no whats rong with josh... it makes me sad and worried .... i kinda feel like its my fault maybe lol??? i dunno its shitty i dunno but i have to go back to work .. alright ill talk to you later


Drink down that Gin and Kerosene
and come spit on bridges with me
just to keep us warm
light a match and leave me be
I keep my jelousy close
because its all mine
and if you say it makes you happy
then I'm not the only one lying
Keep Quiet
nothing comes as easy as you
can I lay in your bed all day?
I'll be your best kept secret
and your biggest mistake

(the hand behind this pen relieves a failure everyday)
so wear me like a locket
around your throat
I'll weigh you down
I'll watch you choke
You look so good in blue

Thought of you at... |8:10:00 AM|

[[a guy and a girl ]]

a guy and a girl are on a motorcycle.

Girl -- Slow down. Im scared.
Guy -- No this is fun.
Girl -- No its not. Please, its too scary!
Guy -- Then tell me you love me.
Girl -- Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy -- Now give me a BIG hug.
)*(+Girl hugs him+)*(
Guy -- Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? Its bugging me.

(In the paper the next day)
:A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of brake failure. Two people were on it, but only one survived.

The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy had realized that his brakes broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug one last time, then had her wear his helmet so that she would live, even though it meant that he would die.If there's anyone you love this much, re-post this

Thought of you at... |8:09:00 AM|

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Tuesday, November 02, 2004

[[soooo tired ... trying to stay awake]]

lol its a fucking bitch but watever ... i kicked ass at my meet it was pimp lol i place 44th out of 89 or 90 i dont remember but watever thts like really good for me and i was first bp bitch which is good too im proud of all my bitches this season they made alot of improvements ...

but the bus ride home was a bitch cuz i was all trying to sleep so i wouldnt be tired and bitchy but like o man it was soo bad everyone was beign really dumb and immature and loud and i was like wow shut the fuck up and like i screamed it and everyone went dead quiet for like 5 seconds and then went back to giving me the worst headache i got home and ate dinner(two asprin) and took a bath it was nice now im just sitting and chillin and shit .... tired but trying to stay up so i can talk to josh lol cuz i miss him aww sadness umm yea so bye bitches

Thought of you at... |8:02:00 PM|

[[hard core meet today is it gonna rain...]]

i hope so lol i heart the rain ... im in another good mood today lol its funie but ireally dont wanna get anywork done lol im so like giddy and smitten lol and smitten has mitten in it and mitten is such an awessmoe word its all like MITTEN lol aww i heart it lol im so ridiculous its like moods like these i say ridiculous things andid otn care and then later on ill hurt somone really bad and i wont even mean it but i guess im sooo cool like that but watever i dont even care im gonna touch jessica all day today lol hahaha well ihave a meet so im leaving during typing and the boy is touring the school and stuff so tahts cool i hope he comes through the senior side lol o well i hope i dont get the painters either today that would be very very depressing ... i miss josh ... but yes i must go cuz im hottstuff later bitches

Thought of you at... |8:10:00 AM|

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Monday, November 01, 2004

[[wow]]

lets see ...

ok so yea promises and trust mean nothingwell watever so dont friendships i guess ... a friendship is nothing with out trust and when you do fucked up shit that you promise not to do then you fucked our friendship....

not looking forward to work tonight at all we have to put away all the halloweenshit bahhh im fucking tired and im pretty pissed off ... could you tell im not like ordinary o yea im gona kill itslike wow ... i have some awesome friends kinda pissed .. but watever uhh ill talk to you later bitches bye

Thought of you at... |4:10:00 PM|

[[... its like left over halloween candy]]

lol thats so funie i heart my ttitle horay lol.... aww im in so super mood cuz i dunno i keep thinking about josh and how nice and awesome he is lol its kinda cute and kinda funnie lol but yea i have shop this week and its soo i dunno but i hop e i dont have a lot of work but i most deffinately probably will becase tomorrow im getting dismissed at like 1130 which is wicked pimp but i deff think that i wish i was missing that much time on a acedemic week cuz that would be sooooooo much better ... o man im just in like a wicked good mood i cant even beleive it ... maybe its because of the over abundance of candy or maybe its because im not tired becase of daylight savings watever lol o well im out bitchs

Thought of you at... |8:06:00 AM|

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Storyboard Author

My Photo
Name:
Location: Webster, Massachusetts, United States

I'll be your friend in hell, until then I despise you. And I probably always will. I cant afford to make another mistake like this. Cause this is more than I can take. I don't mean to leave angry, this is by your own device. I'm sure this comes as no surprise.

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