Friday, December 31, 2004

[[cant feel my tongue]]

im surprised at how well ic an type compared to teh facted that how fucked i really am ... i cant relly fucking realize what im doing ... im tgrying to do sometghng aija keeps taelling me to do som3ethign ... nd ususallyi cn comprehend what tast but lol no one is gonn be here till iek 8 and i cant taste the vodkla already ... i thin its funnie i hvanet been drunk since forever and my mom, sis goonnn aclal e... lmao i miss josh lets do it lmazjkdsa;lfjdkfd i dunn aijas its tellme me to read somethign nd i cant ... i dont even no i have to go i think i think i habve topeee lmao bye

Thought of you at... |4:59:00 PM|

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Thursday, December 30, 2004

[[sigh]]

why am i even posting i really dont no ... lol im kinda bored ... i have two fucking dentist appts today ...yea soooo much fun ... i had theee best night last night hanging out with joey and david and beck and will ... we all went out to friendly's it was soooo much fun lol ... cept david givin me thee biggest wedgie ... who does that i had snow and pine needs all up ins my ass lol ... but yea then me and beck went back to wills and watched kill bill ... which was pretty good cuz i no cuz its the best movie ever and ive seen it like a bnillion times ... but yea ... umm then i slept over wills and then josh picked me up and we snuggled in my room all day pretty much ... but yea ... still not looking forward to dentist appts .... o man gay ... well im out for now ...

Early in the morning
wake up to a bright blue sky.
Lightening comes at any time
To break it down and make it ugly.
I know that it's just for me,
Cause no one else can feel or understand.
That's alright because,
I can handle all that you throw down.
And I hope you find a perfect place
where skies are beautiful all of the time.
That's all that matters pretty pretty.
And I know that's all that you could care about.
There's no reason why you can't.
It's all about the icing
Nobody cares about what's inside.
You could see the outiside face.
It looks good it must be great.
And I know that is all you see.
What would it matter anyway,
Cause I could see right through,
Your pretty pretty skin, today.
And I hope you find a perfect place
where skies are beautiful all of the time.
That's all that matters pretty pretty.
And I know that's all that you could care about.
There's no reason why you can't.
No reason why I should try to go on anymore
My reasons all gone.
No reason why you should,
Try to make excuses to make me feel alright.
Excuses call for stupid reasons.
And I know that it's not much that I can offer right now.
Just give me one little second
And I will try my hardest
To make you feel like I'm someone else.

Thought of you at... |2:14:00 PM|

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Tuesday, December 28, 2004

[[: D]]

incredible... i havent written two posts in one day in thee longest time ... and they are both good posts ... beck might not be able to go out but maybe ill jsut go out anyways lol ... umm but yea ... im sooo happy and in love and o man i feel sooo incredible lol .... this post is liek the last one but ... this song ... is sooo good it triggered me to write another ... o man im soo happy i love josh



Here we are today.
You look so beautiful I wonder what you dream.
So graceful in what you say
Its all I need to hear your voice everyday.
I wish never to wake up from this dream I’m in right now.
Here I am watching clouds from your bedroom window
As we’re laying here.
And I wake up today
Still smiling in the air.
Wish dreams could be so great.
I think today I’ll try and kiss you on your cheek.
I hope you’ll let me go.
I know you’re the one.
Its all I want to hear you say your mine.
Talk about and take you there you will see the one true thing.
Places that you’ve never been places that your gonna be.
I will be the one person to open your eyes.
In love with me…
I wish never to wake up from this dream I’m in right now.
Here I am watching clouds from your bedroom window
As we’re laying here.
It’s so much fun
It’s so much fun
To be in love
To be in love.
Its so much fun
Cause I’m in love with you.

Thought of you at... |11:04:00 PM|

[[owww head trauma]]

lol .... im FUCKING EXCITED really like ... o man i cant wait till fucking new years ... im over hyping everything but its ok cuz thats my job .... if i could get paid to overhype things id be fucking a millionaire cuz no mater wat im awesome ..... oww my head ... i think im dieing ... lol im just a bitch lol ... o well im sooo fucking happy andin love .... : D hooray ... everything is as awesome as it ever could be ... well it could be awesomer right now but in general life is fucking great ... great friends ... fantastic bf... things are just going awesome for me or at least it seems that way right now ... maybe later it might not but for now im living for momentsl ike this ... moments where i can think back and just smiling and keep smiling .... just because im that happy .... i love this

Thought of you at... |1:35:00 PM|

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Sunday, December 26, 2004

[[just me bitching about the holidays]]

the holidays are a time for togetherness for families and friends. It is a time to surround yourself with people that you love and care about. Its the season of giving and love, or at least thats what I have been told. My holiday's have never really been a time of peace. I'm not saying that my familiy is unordinarily torn apart by some family issue. i mean i have a pretty normal family. i mean i see families like my own everywhere , the mom tweaking out , the youngest one getting every thing ever the dad never really doing anything just like sitting there .... i dont really no where im going with this but i guess im saying my holidays sucked ass ... as far as im concerned the holidays are nothing but stress i rather be at school for a fukcing week taking tests because im sick of hearing my mom bitch about how shes a shitty mom cuz my lil brother is all upset over something dumb ... not like my dad would try to help her with any of her fucking problems or antyhing ... you no what im not even glad to be fucking home ... yea home... where my family is ... where i can hear them bitch and complain and fight with eachother ... they are just fucking irritating ... i need to get the fuck out ... and when my mom inquired as to why i was in such a rush to get out as soon as i got home from new york i replied ... IM SICK OF THIS PLACE and she said well youve only just gotten home and im like im just sick of everything ... and then she went on a rant about how she is a shitty mother and how she cant do anything right ... and i waslike yea mom thats it just shut up .... fucking a i dont wanna fucking bee here ... im sick of my family at this point i jsut wanna get out of here ... THIS ISNT A VACA this isnt a braeak from any thing that has been fucking bugging the shit outta me ... i need a vaca from myf ucking familiy not for like ever just lkike a week away with some friends ... just enough to get out and fucking see some new people ... god .... i had a great time away .... can you tell????

Thought of you at... |5:55:00 PM|

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Wednesday, December 22, 2004

[[omg]]

i feel soo fucking accomplished i totally did my exam its like fucking 6 pages long lol and i really wrote the whole entire thing ... its the most i have actually ever written RIDICULOUS lol ..... so yea tomorrow morning i have to go to school and bring in my damn fucking test ... GAYYYY .... but yea ... im gonna miss josh soooo much wheni go away ... i love him lol and im gonna be gone for like 4 days .... to gay town .... lol not really lol well just new york ... only like 6 hours away !!!!!!!! lol ... whateve tho .... i dont care joey dropped off my xmas present its the best thing ever its like an elle kit lol ... like o man its hott lol thres a black scarf and sunglasses and arm thingies lol its hott lol im hott im in an awesome mood and relaly hyper ... I LOVE JOSH tehehehe i hung out with him today .... it sucks ... i really do miss him already .... lol im so dumb but watever ... i dont care .... teh ... your dumb lol but yea anyways ...uhh im gonna go and do stuff WOOOOTTTT lol

Thought of you at... |9:43:00 PM|

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Sunday, December 19, 2004

[[im sooo happy]]

i feel like ... i have somone finally that like i have somone that feels the same way that i do ... as corny as that sounds i totally feel that way ... and like i just said that and i have been thinking it for so long and it makes me sooo fucking happy ... i love josh ........ and im soooo glad im with him oman ... i feel soo good all the time tooo ... like i feel light and bubbley like seriously ... like giddy and it makes me feel sooo good and it kills me everytime to say goodbye even tho it could just be for like 10 mins its just so ridiculous .........

Thought of you at... |8:10:00 PM|

[[im in love]]

tehehehehheheheeh e lol i dont remember much of last night but o man who even cares lol i love josh lol soooo fucking mch i m gonna stop ... i went to the movies with brian and aija and josha nd saw that lemmeny snicket movie and it was wicked weird lol i didnt even get it lol .... but yea .... i duno .... its gay ..... lol i dont even no wat im talking abotu right now ... o yea im on my way to this thing my moms works christmas party its at someplace they have it there every year ... so now im goimg and i had to get up extra early to go ... and like everyone left aijas at like 230 in the morning ... andi got up at like 630 or something i duno i dont remember soi had like no sleep lol aija didnt even get upw hen i left so yea ... i dunno lol im out tho so ill talktoyou later

Thought of you at... |8:55:00 AM|

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Saturday, December 18, 2004

[[i love random days ]]

i love joshhhhh soooooo much .... i kinda remember yesterday ... a bit ...... but like o man josh is incredible ......i fucking love him sooooo god damn much ...... like o man ................ i wish i could jsut be with him forever ... i lov ehim soo fucking much soo much

but yea i wet and hung out with jess then i dont remember then i hung out with josh and i love him theni went home ... id explain more but im affraid id confuse it with a realy weird dream i had last night about like zombies taking over price chopper im out i lov eyou bye

Thought of you at... |1:31:00 PM|

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Wednesday, December 15, 2004

[[.... awesome afternoon/night]]

yea ................. what can i say ..... about ... today ...... lol cept i love josh ... which is really redundent and i no but wat are you gonna do ..... yea i hung out with him today and hes awesome lol ... hesjsut soo adorable ...

but yea ... stephs fucking report wont open so ... i have to fix it tomorrow and if it doesnt work shes just gonan give it to her teacher and be like uhh it dont work lol .......owell ... josh tired me out so i dotn feel like writing ... i havent really been feeling like writting lately i just like force myself to do it ... im getting lazy ..... o well ...much love lol

Thought of you at... |9:12:00 PM|

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Tuesday, December 14, 2004

[[why canti get any work done]]

lol i dunno but its kinda funnay .... not really cuz pretty soon ill be failing shop and that will suck .... i have a mediation today which i guess its supposedly supposed to be pretty hard core liek savage told me to keep the two people seperated ... so i dunno ... im tired ... and i wish i could just be home .... snuggling up close wiht my hottface hottie lol .... yea im cool ..... i also brought my applications to guidance but she will probably throw them back in my face and beat me witht htem and tell me to shut the fuck up and im too dumb for college .... cuz i mean .... lol i am ... i dunno im wicked tired kinda .... lol i htink i already said that ... watever tho im just really bored andi dont really feel tooo great ... i dont wann go to work either .... i really cant even wait for tomorrow when i can see josh tehehehehe lol ... im excited ... im i dunno lol i need to find something to do .... so ill talk to you later buh bye

Thought of you at... |9:49:00 PM|

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Monday, December 13, 2004

[[]]

yea lol this morning i was kinda like tweaking out cuz i thought my phone was being a gay face and wouldnt let me txt but then i shut it off and turned it back ona nd then it worked so that was good .... but yea .... im fucking tired lol i was in typing andi fell asleep and then the bell rang so i kinda woke up but then like i dunno i wasnt awake anc like i dropped my phone and like practically walked into the fucking door lol it was funnie ... or at least i thought so .... i love josh .... lol tehehehehehehehehe .... i awnan go ice skating with him all the time .... cuz its fun .... like soo much fun .... and then cuddle with him and watch movies in a nice warm bed ....... like o man cuz hes sooo cute and cuddley ....i really love him tho .... tehehehehehehe lol .... im such a cutie face ..... cuzi am ... tehehe ... this weekend was soo fucking crazy awesomei loved it ..... i fucking love weekends .... i fucking love my friends andi love josh lol .... tehehehehehe lol ......... hooray ....... yea but the shitty thing is i have to work so taht sucks ..... but watever .... im gonna go cuz im totally not paying attention to my lecture lol ... buh bye sexy kids


Thought of you at... |3:22:00 PM|

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Sunday, December 12, 2004

[[this has been such an awesome ness]]

yea today was sooo incredibley good ... i heart josh sooo ufkcing much like o man ...like i feel like i could be with him forever ... we hung out with aija and her new bf brian ... it was fun we went ice skating adn stuff

i dotn even feel like explaing itall riht noe cuz im really kinda tired and iw anna lay down ... so if you wanna talk to me """"" josh ... lol call me yes ok bye

Thought of you at... |6:40:00 PM|

[[adfsfd]]

i dunno wats goign on or wat im doing .... im been i mean ive been trying to fuckign ruckint in my damn jouranl but icant cuz im fucking retaredd ed or just aija ... shes like pissed her self ................... o wtf im listing to dashbaord and it remeind me off fuckig horses riding off in the sunset together with nights and princeses and hearts on top !!!1Q WITH WHIP CREAM oww my lounch s. lamo lamo the newst cream from jasonic industries .... it takes the roids raway ................... i dont no whtas goign on .... but it sounds funnie to tupe ...... hahahah aija des ing lmao latazzz

Thought of you at... |1:37:00 AM|

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Saturday, December 11, 2004

[[.........]]

i dont no wat kind of mood im in but i dunno ........ its not a good one ..... cuz liek i dunno usually when you cry its not good ..... i just feel like shit .... cuz im a shitty person ....... cuz i am ..... and i feel like sick tooo and i dunno ... i odnt even no wats going on ..... i just wanna fucking like jump off a bridge ..... i just feel really really dumb like i really dotn no whats going on .... i dunno im just a fucking dumb cunt anyways .... watever nothing even matters ....

Thought of you at... |1:49:00 PM|

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Friday, December 10, 2004

[[... uhhh??? what]]

i feel really weird like im wicked hyper and wanna do stuff ... but im also realy tired .... and i feel i dunno rejected maybe ..... because i am a reject but i also feel like wicked wicked conceited cuz im one awesome person ... lol yea .. conflicting emotions are tearing me apart .... but maybe im just crazy and i need to go out .... and this weekend ... i erally cant cept for today but i promised it to will lol ... sooo yea ... and i dunno i have to work satruday night ... i dunno i kinda feel shitty right now i did feel super before but im thinking everyone is just getting sick of my antics .... i mean that must be it .... i dunno i just feel really weird

Thought of you at... |3:10:00 PM|

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Thursday, December 09, 2004

[[good birth days ]]

ive had like two cuz i have to work today cuz like i dunno watever its gay but everyone has been so awesome i heart you all and thanks sooo much for ... your awesomeness lol i dunnjo i dont feel tooo well tho im like dizzy and in pain .... hooray lol but watever im sooo out ill tytl bye

Thought of you at... |4:00:00 PM|

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Tuesday, December 07, 2004

[[i heart delays ..... : D]]

heheheh i heart josh alot tho .... coming and visiting me yea hes sooooo awesome he makes me smile ... like i seriously had a smirk on my face all day just thinking about him .... tehehehehe ... i wish he wasnt sooo tired so ... i dunno hes sooo cute ... : D hooray i heart him

You're standing there alone
And so am I
But I want you here
By my side oh
Your smile at me
Tis everything
The staring game
That song of love
I look you in the eyes
I try to read your thoughts
I ask you to go with me
To a far off place oh
I look you in the eyes
I try to read your thoughts
I ask you to go with me
To a far off place
You and me dancing the night away
You can feel my heart beating so hard
We look eye to eye
And I'm swept away
On a moonlit walk on the beach
Watching the sunrise for the first time
I'm in a trance
From the one slow dance
You're standing there alone
And so am I
But I want you here
By my side oh
Your smile at me
Is everything
The staring game
That song of love
I look you in the eyes
I try to read your thoughts
I ask you to go with me
To a far off place oh
I look you in the eyes
I try to read your thoughts
I ask you to go with me
To a far off place
You and me dancing the night away
You can feel my heart beating so hard
We look eye to eye
And I'm swept away
On a moonlit walk on the beach
Watching the sunrise for the first time
I'm in a trance
From the one slow dance
We don't have to talk
We don't have to laugh at all
I just want you here with me
We don't have to talk
We don't have to laugh at all
I just want to be
You and me
You and me dancing the night away
You can feel my heart beating so hard
We look eye to eye and I'm swept away
On a moonlit walk on the beach
Watching the sunrise for the first time
I'm in a trance
From the one slow dance
Y

Thought of you at... |3:42:00 PM|

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Monday, December 06, 2004

[[iheart school]]

i hopei dont have to worki dont evenno if i have to buti most deffinately want to go to the mall and get presents : D so maybe ill call osme people and see if they wanna go out with me if i am not working ... but yea i am gonna go and do stuff cuz im cool like that .... andstuff buti really dont heart school i just say that i really hate this keyboard cuz its dumb ... ANGER... lol i heart you josh


I guess the most that I can do is make a call and tell you the truth.
And sing the words, in melody and hope that you'll believe me.
Here's another song for you so this one this one makes two.
I still don't know where to begin.
I'll just leave it at this.
I'm sure you always feel my eyes on you.
But I hope that you will never feel unwanted.
Y



Thought of you at... |11:54:00 AM|

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Sunday, December 05, 2004

[[i hate it ]]

i hate ... it doenst matter i dotn even care im just ina shitty mood andi wanna cry

Thought of you at... |9:32:00 PM|

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Saturday, December 04, 2004

[[i have no idea wat happened last night]]

lol the only thing i remember is like ....... uhhh..... sitting behind subway or something ....i dunno my brain is like not in my head or something .... o man lol i dont even no ...hahah ok that all for now

Thought of you at... |9:05:00 AM|

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Friday, December 03, 2004

[[fuckin a ... angry]]

im just hating this mood im in like im soo like irritable ... its really bad like i dont even wanna hear people speak .... im missing josh : ( i wish i culd see him today ... .really bad im realy like in a shitty mood its bothering me .... so im gonna let you go buh bye




Impossible, its possible
cause that night seemed a little different
we were holding onto this moment we'll soon miss
you were holding me tight as i gave in to your lips
impossible its possible that's what she said
no need move the pieces until they fit
it is true this ride was worth it
I thought how could something so good
could ever come my way
hard to believe but so true
I cherish the day I met you
you're living proof that dreams come true
you're all that I wish for
Y


Thought of you at... |10:40:00 AM|

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Thursday, December 02, 2004

[[tired cold and bitchy ]]

and sore too .... lol nothing positive at all to say and i dont want to work and id otn wanna get changed and i dont wanan do anything but curl up in a nice warm bed with my nice warm josh and sleep and cuddle and stuff.... lol hehe cuz hes soooo cute i heart him ... im tooo lazy for lyrics or even colors for that matter so im out like wat btiches

Thought of you at... |3:54:00 PM|

[[im soooooooooooooooooo sick of school]]

o man and im wicked tired and my neck hurts like wicked wickd bad ... i just wanna fucking go home and curl up in a ball and sleep .... or cuddle ; ) ..... i really hope like i dunno no i dont even care im done ill talk to you later buh bye bitches ........... cuz im done



Sifting through weathered photo albums
looking for glorious aged polaroids
of places you have never been
a place to accept that you dont really exist
"Smile for the camera sweet heart
I really want to immortalize this moment"
but just remember the first step in forgetting
is destroying all the evidence
with friends like you who needs subtext
This is a 44 caliber love letter straight from my heart
Straight from my heart (deal with it)
Y

Thought of you at... |8:35:00 AM|

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Wednesday, December 01, 2004

[[oman... finally ]]

so yeafucking a imsooosickof shop and just everythingin general ... my neckand head hurt sooooo badi really need some fucking asprin .... then ill feelbetter butwatever ummill leave you wiht some lyrics ... omanthese computers inthemedia suck like the space bar doesnt work


the wilted flowers that i gave
were not as nice as your bouqet
all the lyrics that i wrote
not as smart as the words you spoke
the starlight above my hometown
aint as bright as the star ive found
every drawing that i drew was never ever as cute as you
I'm serious as a heart attack
im looking in my almanac
ive gotta find out all the things
and find out where she got her wings
shimmy shimmy quarter turn
i feel like i will never learn
how can i check lost and found
when im too busy getting down
gotta get it back to a back up plan
to find you start acceleration
take it back to square one
gotta get it back to a back up plan
to find you start acceleration
take it back to square one
i swear that im not kidding
were just trying to fit in
with all the other answers questions
never confirmed states
that keep us far apart turn down
the beating of my heart mark the places
in my book with photographs we never took
i swear that im not kidding
night time is so pretty
with all the stars above your eyes
im sneaking out and making ties
states that keep us far apart
track the beating with a chart
mark the rythyms that i shook
everytime i caught you look
gotta get it back to a back up plan
to find you start acceleration
take it back to square one
gotta get it back to a back up plan
to find you start acceleration
take it back to square one
gotta get it back to a back up plan
to find you start acceleration
take it back to square one
gotta get it back to a back up plan
to find you start acceleration
take it back to square one
Y

Thought of you at... |1:18:00 PM|

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Storyboard Author

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Name:
Location: Webster, Massachusetts, United States

I'll be your friend in hell, until then I despise you. And I probably always will. I cant afford to make another mistake like this. Cause this is more than I can take. I don't mean to leave angry, this is by your own device. I'm sure this comes as no surprise.

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