ok well kristyn came over or watever i dunno ... umm and i watched her spanish deal it was funnie and stuff ... lol yea but yea ryan just called so yea im gonna ... go yea umm this is how i feel
Don't mean to scare you but I ,i've not been sleeping lately and phone calls aren't doing much to help. So if it's all the same i'd just as soon never have to offer explanation or excuse again.We make believe everyday we make our lives seem like there still worth living we find out in the end it's only us that we've been kidding. So find the darkest place and search under blankets for me.Smothering myself in this darkness.I'm lying down tonight and you're not lying with me.Honesty doesn't sit so well on you some thing you just can't fake.It's just another stupid drama that no one notices but you and you only take an interest when theres nothing else to do.But you won't mind Wait for all of it I just can't wait for all of this
its days like this i wish i had school ... i dont want summer vaca to come at all ... yea ... ive worn out my welcome with all my friends ... yea the two or three i chill with anyways... i duno but ryan doesnt wanna hang out because he slept all day ... even tho he txted me at 930 he ended up sleeping until 130 and now he doesnt wanna hang out because all the day has gone away ... watever but i guess its my fault i didnt fucking go to like thompson or some stupid shit ... i duno i just havent been in a good mood and im looking for somone to come and cheer me up i seriously like wanna cry this sucks i hate my life and justme ... i just suck ... but whatever .... yea ill get over it ... im just in a slump of sorts ... not cool ... but yea im deffinately like not in a good mood tho ... so yea stay away even tho all iwant is just somone to chill with ... what happened to all my friends ... o yea i chased them away cuz im a stupid bitch ... right ... i dunno whatever im just a stupid annoying bitch anyways ... grr i hate my life
as the salt in my body,
i'm giving up slowly.
the hour and injury.
and i am unholy!
street smart like a sailor.
worldly like a whore.
worldly like a sailor.
street smart like a whore.
permanent sleep is my only cure.
if it's all the time,
it won't hurt anymore.
if you can't help me, no one can.
yea ... i mean it hasnt been bad ... but i just like being dramatic but yea .. um saturday ..yea umm i hung out with aija ... but before that i like sat in my room and like moped about for like an hour or so ... yea watever if you cant handle my bitching then get the fuck outta here cuz i duno i just like to ... so anyways i was just doing that and giving my mom and attitude so then i was like fuck this and i watched some old movie about this girl getting an abortion it was from 1959 ... yea so then like ... aija called and shes like we are still hanging out ... well something along the lines cuz i have a shitty memory ... but anyways i walked to aijas house and i dunno we talked about the movie and the book and how i thought she would be lindsay lohan and like we talked baout just stupid shit ... but yea eventyaly we went to dots ... thats cool ... and then to kmart and aija left her purse in the bathroom lol even tho i thought she had it .. but we had to call her parents at point breeze so then like we get picked up and we get to my house andi totally didnt wanna be in my house at like 8 oclock at night ... so i was like mom let me out and shes like no ... so i got all pissed i guess going out to the bowling alley is too much for me you might htink i was thirty trying to get out or something ... whatever so htne like i was like fuck it and me and aija went for a walk ... yea to the condos ... it was a good walk very productive we just sat on the beach at the condos for a lil while and chilled it was nice ... but anyways... umm we get back to my house and we watch gothika it was good i guesss ... but yea and then we watched degrassi and went to bed ... wow what an exciting saturday night ... well compared to last saturday night its ridiculous lol my brain was confused ... yea but anyways ... so then the next day i get changed and shit and like we went to aijas house ... we got a ride and we cleaned her room lol we do that alot ... so anyways ... we get there and like clean and then like her mom was bitching about house we both have really white legs and hw we are gonna cause an 8 car pile up beacuse our legs are soo white and i was like ok kathy lol ... so watever we left and walked to my house cuz its nice out .... yea so then we get to jeffs and me and aija like layed in the boat for a while ... ryan called me ... to check up on me ... it didnt make sense to me but watever so then liek we ate and left and me and aija walked to the beach ... but we got a rid half way so it was good and we like saw her brother and we jsut walked and talked and shit ... i just like going to the beach ... but watever and then we started going home and my dad saw us and picked us up ... and then aija went home to go to shabooms with jaime and melanie or watever so i went home and watched blazing saddles instead of going for a boat ride whatever it was pretty chilly out and im pretty burnt from it all anyways ... so like i called kristyn and went to her house and ryan thoughti called him three times but i didnt or watever ... i dunno whatever ... but im watching the franz ferdinand video for like the tenth time ... yea and now im like not even tired and i wanna stay up but now im alone and nothing is on tv ... whatever ... does this seem depressed ... i cant even tell anymore lol im gonna turn into my nana holy shit not cool ok i need to get a better state of mind ... or fake it ... and get the hollow happiness back .. but watever im rambaling useless thoughts and its weird cuz i cant even feel my self typing anymore because my thoughts are so loud that all i can hear is them .. and its soo cool to watch the words i think appear on the screen almost as fast as i think of them ... yea lol ok im gonna go now bye
love ya ... o yea the quotes on the bottom ... they remind me of like aijas house and hanging out with aija and jsut all this shit and like recovering from fnl lol
Out here in the fields
I fought for my meals
I get my back into my living
I don't need to fight
To prove I'm right
I don't need to be forgiven
Don't cry
Don't raise your eye
It's only teenage wasteland
Sally ,take my hand
Travel south crossland
Put out the fire
Don't look past my shoulder
The exodus is here
The happy ones are near
Let's get together
Before we get much older
Teenage wasteland
It's only teenage wasteland
Teenage wasteland
Oh, oh
Teenage wasteland
They're all wasted!
well ok ryan didnt end up getting his shoe when i said it was like way in a bush so i was like .. what a tard lol ... yea so then like him and the boy played video games ... (not cool) and like i cooked mac and cheese and we ate then eventually my mom and the boy me and ryan all went and got ryans shoe out of the bushes ... yea i dunno ... but like umm then me and ryan went for a walk to the beach and we just layed there and looked at the sky as the sun was setting it was so nice just sitting there ... hes a great pillow lol ... yea and like we just chilled ... so like then i duno we had to leave but like seriously sitting on that beach was so awesome ... no one likes sitting on a beach wiht me ... thats so cool no one has done that with me before and its sooo coooll i like ryan alot ... i really hope he likes me to ... im kinda paranoid about like him not likeing me becasue of dube ... he lied to aija about liking her and he sweet talked her so much and it was believable which is effed and i really dont want that to happen and i dont ryan to think he can do that and get away with it cuz its not gonna happen .. .if he really likes me he can like me for who iam ... not for pussy ... but yea i might be overeacting but i could be finding out that this was ryans intentions this hole time because dube was doing it with aija and thats why ryan came to webster that time because dube promised him a girl ... but watever ... im gonna go because if i think like this more ill like cry cuz i like ryan ... and i hope he doesnt lie to me ttyl
love ya
ok well uhmm ryan and the boy went to go and get ryans shoe out of a tree cuz ryan tried to kick a cup and his shoe went flying into a treeby good year... yea smart lol o well but yea i duno im just thinking about weird stuff and ex bfs .. cuz like this reminds me of like all those times i hung out wiht thim ... they would come over like pet clyde for like 20 mins then watch the boy play video games ... then they would bitch about going for a walk ... yea its jsut that good and repetitive ... it sucks ... why cant they all be different ... and speaking of guys ... i dunno i dont realy wanna get into what i think about them right now especially the way dube treated aija ... i duno why i care so much ... maybe because she is like a sister to me a really really close sister ... cuz most sisters hate eachother but no its better than that ... but watever .. im in a weird mood and my bf is with the boy ... so like yea this is so deja vu ... its happened way too many times and it barely bothers me but the part that is bothering me is that its happend before ... ok im out tho i think they are back
uhh yea ryan is coming over some time .. i dont no when or watever but .. o well ive been emo all day and thinking all these deep thoughts and stuff ... and aija and dube broke up .. he is like THE BIGGEST DOUCHE EVER like i seriously dont no a bigger douche like he is bigger than jp and richie put together ... yea that douchy ... i swear to go if this happened to me id be choppin somones balls off ... aight tho im like heated right now ... heated for aija but in a mellow kinda emo way its weird lol o well ttyl
love ya
sigh ... i could cry im so happy ... i really like ryan alot ... hes so cute and sweet and nice ... and well i dunno hes just so awesome ... love and love and happy afternoons watching tv from your room while your laying in my arms ... lol yea the early november ... all we everneeded ... o man i had like so much fun in charlton lol ... i got muddy and shit but watever i got to see my baby ... so awesome .. and i got to see his pillow which is extra nice .. o yea and i hung out with dube and aija and uhh ... that douche or watever .. but anyways ryan introduced me to his parents as aija lol yea thats a good one ... he was thinking about aija i see how it is ... im totally hopeing he likes me as much as i like him ... yea but seriously i dont want anything to ruin this mood ...i so wish i coulda stayed with him but aijas dad came all early and stuff ... so sad ... but umm yea ... i like ryan alot ... like this >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>> >>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>
>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
much lol yea ok im gonna stop before too many people get jealous of my awesome new bf ...
im outttie peace mother fuckaassss
love ya
holy crap ... after walking home and thinking about what the hell happened to me and why i have become such a fuck up i get this from will in the mail:
A Battle Of Will.
They way I see it i'm nuts…. You might ask me, “why is that will?” well, the definition for crazy would be that you point of views, and your way of thinking, would be completely outlandish to the thinking of you peers. If everyone in the would thinks the sky is purple, and you still think its blue. Guess what, there is no way to prove, no matter how clear you see it, that the damn sky is blue. So why so I, everyday, want to run out into the streets screaming it? It’s a very twisted world. I think people like me exist almost to be like a ying yang effect. There is so much evil in this country, hell there’s more evil in this town then I can comprehend. So people like me are born, to keep the balance. My job in life is to help people be not exactly, but alitle more like me, “good”. Help them make “good” decisions. The problem is I suck at it. Besides what give me the right to tell people what to do. I see it as the best thing for them, but what if im wrong, or crazy. Maybe i’m just the exception to the rule, maybe all other people on this god forsaken earth need to be stupid asshole teens, and need to fuck there themselves up. Maybe its all dedicated to them learning a lesson. A lesson that is needed to become the adult the need to be, or kill them… A lesson I learned in rehab meeting with my mother, at 6. My family has told me that I grew up at 9, I was 9 going on 25. I never felt the effect of puberty. I never was incomprehensible, I ALWAYS and I mean always had the ability for abstract thought. I had my head on my shoulders for as long as I can remember. Why can I just make one person see the lesson that I learned o so long ago. Why am I cursed to watch ever person I fall in love with crash, and burn. I had a friend who freshmen year was studying for the sat’s, she had sex once, and regretted it. She was pretty, talented, and smart as a whip. She doesn’t know it but back then she could argue anything with me. Now she’s become close minded, she cant even argue her own points, she drinks, smokes, and god only knows what else. She’s failing (so much for the sat’s) she has unprotected sex on a regular basis, knowing “she can always just murder her child in an abortion clinic”, lol that not a real quote.. but its close enough. I mean who y cant people do the right thing, because it’s the right thing to do. Why do we need a reason to be good. Are people as a whole, that far gone? Are we that misguided. How are we going to protect ourselves, and run this country. If all we do is fuck off. I find it hard to believe that this is nesisary to making a good person in the long run. Well maybe i’m not crazy, maybe i’m just the last of a dieing breed. Unfortunately for me, unless I can figure out how to help the world, that how ill die, alone. And the last of my kind. Everyday is a fight, one that I will take to my grave. A fight that drives me insane with rage and despair. But now at least I have been shown finally, by the people I have given the lable of my friends that it is.. a hopeless fight. I am not going to help the ones I love, simply drive them away. So I need to take it down a notch and let them make the mistakes, untile I learn how to teach them. Who knows maybe i’m not here to change the world, maybe this is punishment for something i've done before. lol what a great irony if that’s true. Punish the evil, by giving him a hyper conchens. God I hate this place.
“A tiger sensing his death will never go quietly into the night, knowing his own demise lies ahead. He takes his last breath and goes down fighting.”
“ If I can draw but one drop of blood before I fall, then I will die a happy man.”
im fucking crying my eyes out .. i duno why ... i duno if like its ... i just duno im so fucking confused right now i wanna like seriously just get shot ... everytime somone like will tries to help mei do push them away ... and i dont listen .. why i duno ... but i try to help aija soo much and she does it to me ... wtf ... sigh .. i hate fucking being a teenager so much for the best years of my life ... yea best years of my life doing drugs and partying getting hurt and trampled on ... no one cares in high school and why should they ... it doesnt matter how you feel ... im not even making sense
yes ... school seriously blows ... im chillin listening to brand new becasue this morning i remembered that i had that clip from the show so i was like i wanna listen to that cd ... i dont like it as much as most cds and its not that cheerful ... it sucks czu i left all my happy music at home so .. i duno cuz i dont really talk to anyone in shop all i have is my music ... it still loves me ... i geeeuuuusss lol anyways umm i took a bath last night cuz i was tweaking ... i dont even liek baths htey like make me irritated more cuz like your sitting in your own filth ... have you ever thought of it that way everyone is like its so relaxing and im like eww what are you a tard ... anyways ... umm i dunno no one is in shop this is the 7th day of shop in a row its weird i kinda wish i had shop all this week ... i hope we dont have to make up all these achedemic days that would seriously really blow ... i dunno im feeling alot better compared to yesterday .. but man aijas brother is really good at making drinks .. i duno its was liek rasberry something O MAH GAADD deliscious ... lol it was like a sluchy with like rasberry smirnoff and like i dunno just it was deliscious .. o well im gonna go and uhh ... touch my self i suppose cuz im really sick of playing mario lol and ive only been playing for like i duno 20 mins or something of the sort ... we arent gonna do anything today anyways we are prob gonna watch a movie ... o yea i called aija and she didnt come to school ... and dube was all like you keep taking my friend like everyday and i was like not really dube i only saw him yesterday for an hour adn you still chilled with him (or something along the lines of that ) yea so nayways im gona go before i have a total convo with this compy ... alrighty
love ya bye
really somone please kill me ... (im looking at you ryan)lol
anyways yea so umm im feeling a little better im gonna need more excedrin for later ... and like ryan stoped bye and we hung out which is mucho grande cool nesss like what ... notice my better mood than earlier yea ... umm i have to go tho cuz i almost said somthing that would have pissed somone off so ill ttyl before i almost say it again
love ya bye
now that i look back at all the shit i have done ... why do i do it ... is it bragging rights or am i just an idiot or is it because its just like some sort of weird phase that we all go through at some point .. but if its a phase then why dont all people do like all this bad stuff ... i dont understand maybe some people are jsut smarter and some people might not be able to live life to the fullest for fears of their own self ... scared of what the out come may be later on ... they may think that they will turn out terrible ... but it doesnt happen all the time ... but they just cant trust themselves i suppose ... but as for my self im starting to believe i cant trust myself ... because if i was smart i would have not done all the shit i did on saturday but i did it ... and that makes me believe that if i cant stop my self now wat would stop me in the future ??? i no my friends wouldnt and that makes me question my friends ... should my friends had stoped me and my poor judgement ... but why didnt i stop them it was jsut as much my fault as theirs what we did but i dont think aija regrets it one bit ... why do i do it when i no ill regret it ... now that i only do it once in a blue moon i wonder why do i even do it at all if i dont like the consequences ... maybe im just thinking all this because im sick and hungover ... but the sad thing of all this is that i probably wouldnt stop myself from doing it again ... that scares me ... who is gonna stop me before i go overboard ...no one but myself ...
o man o man .. .hang over yesterday ... yea terrible i wanted to get shot ... so i saw shrek 2 it was awesome but like i duno there was drama i got home and i called ryan and i talked to him ... and theni got likea wicked migrain adn i just liek slept all day ... and now i feel like fnl again but a bad kind of fnl ... not good ... o man my tummy and my head ... fucking ryan i duno what i mean by that but i have a test and im gonbna fail i jsut hope i dont end up pyukin todat ok tty llove ya bye
lol yea so yesterday this is how i went .... alright well i went and got up and went shopping with my mom it sucked and then i went to aijas houssseee lol yea ... anyways so i got there and dube and aija are there and dube sad somethign about how aija had some juice i was like alright ... so i wastired and shit and i was like want some gum and dube is like im hungry so me and dube walked to brooks and then to burger king and we just talked about watever ... and then we got back and ryan still wastn at aijas ... so we waited and he came like whenever i dunno when and then aija pulled out some juice and i drank it straight holy eff ... lol yea it tasted sooo good but like aija looked like she was gonna puke alright so me and aija downed this shit right and i dunno what happened but aija and dube ended up having sex next to me and ryan and my bra ended up by my fucking like stomach and i wasl ike what the eff... lol i was ppretty fnl lol yeas lol "GET FUCKED UP " LOL yea anyways i duno really wat happened but like me and dube went to the store like sunny sides and i bought some soda and i duno what dube got but whatever lol yea ... and then like i think dube like had to go home or something and like it was just like me and ryan and aija ... and like i duno we were just chillin and taking liek quizes and shit ... i dunno so then like we were like i duno we might have been making out but watever... yea and like o man that shit tasted sooo good like straight and like holy eff like nnormally i cant down like shot after shot of it but man was is good so yea by this time i have like sooo much caffiene in me and im all like wanning to pass out cuz of the juice ... yessss but like i think somone wouldnt let me sleep or i dunno they were tryibg to jkeep me from doing something ... but watever and then ryan left ... yea hmm yea ok so then like me and aija were like wee need some fnl well like more so we go and find some and we go and chill at the bowling alley and bye times tim im totally wired and like fucking crazy i was the mother fucking greatest and like we went to burnger king AGAIN lol yea so then like umm we like walked around and shit and like we went to the swings and like id unno we walked and like aija started puking so i was like lets go to bartlet so we started walking towards slam pig or watever and like i dunon we got distracted so we wakled home and like oman i duno what happened but thne i remember playing like psyco babble and calling ryan and tell him about how i cant dl music because like ... i dunno my comp dont have enough gigs lol orwatever lol ...and like umm ... then eventyally like we decided to sleep at like 11 ... yea and we heard aijas bro like yelling at his parents how he fnls and we are like hey trent come in adn talk yea trent was all tyring to get into my pants lol and hes like all fuck up your bf hes a pussy and shit like that and im like dude your like 10 and shit like that and he was telling me i was hot well trent brought in more juice he drank like almost the hole bottle me and aija just had like the little bit that was left we didnt go to bed til like 4 and like holly eff i woke up at liek 6 and im wired it might have something to do with like ... the little balls but yea i duno ... lol o well so now aija is cleanign her roomo o man now that i look at this i really dont remember alot liek i barely remember habnging out with ryan o well im out ttyl
love ya
lol mehhh im all like lost and confused at aijas house and my hands i cant even like feel thenm lol i put an m and n... anywayx ummfucking geey aija is a tard and needs to be punched in the ovaries ... fucmkign gaaayyyy i cantg even like type anyways i was gonna put somethging inspirational but then like whatever watever ... but umm yea im gonna go ... yea ill tak about my day later cuz i cant seem to do it now lol anyways but i mean bye yea lol thats it ... o well
ttyl
love ya im sooo awesome ... bye
hmm i dont dont how to spell happiness ... and that says something ... omg the acoustic version of hands down SOOO MUCH BETTER THAN the cd version AHHHH MAAAHHH GAAAADDD .... chris carrabba can have my heart forever lol ... corny i no ... im kinda nervous ... i dont get nervous during times such as this unless i no something bad is gonna happen ... lol yea i get nervous when i no something bad is gonna happen not like for stupid crap this this ... yea i can talk tand type today .. its so nice to be able to look down on the valleys of like worchester lol i dont no how to spell it uhh county ... lol yea all the hills and shit its soo nice and stuff iomg i cant wait tog et my errands done so i can call ryan horray ... lol o well im gonan go now horrrrrraaayyyyyy
love ya
i mean look at this streak of happiness it had lasted like since like what saturday ... omg wat is with this ... but anyways ... umm yea ryan is coming over tonight i have no idea what we are gonna do ill try to think of stuff today ... i have a job interview ... not cool i dont want a job to fuck up the schedule i just made for the summer ... not cool i wish this happened like 2 weeks ago so that way if i got the job it wouldnt be so bad ... but i just got a new bf ... and i dunno ... ryan reminds me of mike anderson before he like ... i dunno well when he was all innocent and like a good kid ... o well but yea hes driving here and we are gonan hang out and watever ... i dunno whats goin on for saturday i havent talked to aija really ... but watever lol im just in such a good mood ... im waiting for my nice cloths to get washed so i can take a shower... ok i ttyl
love ya
my old posts ae like so depressing and im so moody ... is that because of the winter ... or is it because i was with adam ... and i had drama problems ... but im like so happy likereally ryan makes me happy ... but like adam made me happy once .. i wish that i relized how stupid adam was when i was with him ... cuz wow its like now i can see how bad he aws treating me ... and like im a stupid bitch hmm ... and like all i do is bitch ... o well lol i have to go now cuz ... im gonna find somehting to do ok read these lyrics
love ya
And we wait above a road.
We're turning to go home.
And the silence from the side of the car,
Tells me everything and how we are.
Is there no more trying to make this so right.
Theres no more trying tonight.
And you know it's not so easy when you're all alone,
And I wonder if, I'm alone in your head.
I know something is wrong,
I just don't know what to do.
You say it's only me, and, that I'm so perfect for you.
I don't want to try no more,
I don't want to make this right.
I just want you to be true to me one time.
And you know it's not so easy when you're all alone,
And I wonder if I'm alone in your head.
Twelve days gone by, since I have saw you last,
I'll give this one more try,
I'll give it all my best, and, I'll ask
What could you be doing that is so much fun?
Without me by your side,
Without me by your side.
And, I will take a step back, and, I'll let you ahead,
And, I will take a step away, and, see if you come back,
Because there's no more trying to make this so right,
Theres no more trying,
Theres no more trying tonight.
We will never be the same,
We will never be the same,
We will never be the same,
We will never be the same,
Until you're done.
ok yea i shouldnt be complaining aija has some sort of sprain of her ankle i dunno some 4 wheeler thing and i dunno all this effed stuff and me and ryan were ll woried we wouldnt see eachother on sat ... but we are gonna see eachother on friday if i talk to my mom ... ... umm yea so anyways unn i dunon what else say im in an alright mood ... only cuz like them damn painters ... owwwwwwwww... ok ill ttyl
love ya
yayyyy... yea so uhhh i have a new bf and youll never guess in a million years who it is ... ok guess... well or not cuz its ryan and its not even a question of who it is ... hooray hes so adorable and he asked me out after school when i hung out with him .. and i wish i could of hung out iwht him more but i couldnt cuz my mom came and picked me up... and its gonna be 3 days till i see him ... but i get to txt him and talk to him on the phone ... hes sooo adorable ... yea ... so exciting ... anyways hes gonna like call me in like 10 mins alright im gonna go ttyl
love ya
http://stoned_riders.blogspot.com/ remind me to look att his
o man o man i cnat wait until ... afterschool ... i dunno... wait i do because i get to see ryan o the coolness ... i still dunno how he is getting here .. but i hope aija is up that crazy bitch .. im so happy im not gonna be able to do my work cuz ill be thinking about this afternoon ... lol o well im gonna go now and eat some foody
love ya
O man ... so happy ... talking on the phone till 1130 yes ... o man ... i remember this feeling ... somewhat the feeling that ... somoen likes you ... holy crap happiness ... yea so i guess dube has a note for me from ryan ... ive been txting ryan since i got up cuz hes got a phone A VERIZON PHONE so i can use all those shitty mobile to mobile minutes ... HOORAY lol o well umm i like used a hundred something of em last night ... the sad thing is i kept ryan up and he has mcas today ... i feel bad ... but he said not to wory about it .. and then i like apologized for that nexck thing hes like its ok its not like i didnt like it or anything ... but like we both like the same kind of cartoons ... lol yea thats awesome i no and reno hells ya ... i cant wait to get that note from dube i wanna no what it says ... o well im gonna go and be all smitten some where else
love ya
You and I cold February night,
it's been half an hour.
Taking sweet time saying our goodbyes.
One minute more.
The best day of my life is all thanks to you.
Precious remembrance saved for a rainy day on February.
Few scenes from my life or moments mean more to me
than our fine night.
I remember like yesterday the time of my life.
Please don't leave me without saying good bye.
Please don't leave me without saying good bye. (without saying goodbye)
lets travel back in time
2/12/99 at the stroke of midnight.
Holding you tight your body and mine, in February.
Few scenes from my life or moments mean more to me
than our fine night.
I remember like yesterday the time of my life.
Please don't leave me without saying good bye.
Please don't leave me without saying good bye. (without saying goodbye)
Please don't leave me without saying good bye.
Please don't leave me without saying good bye,
Without saying goodbye.
will is gonna pick me up after school so me and him can talk we both have alot on our mind and it sounds like we need somone to tlak to someone to about it ... ???? im like i dunno im weirded out by the fact that ... i keep thinking about thsi shit ... whatever hto ok im gonna go now ttyl love ya
I never thought this day would end (never thought this day would end)
I never thought tonight could ever be this close to me (close to me)
So let my hands stray past that boundaries of your back
to get you breathing (get you breathing)
And get this started (get this started)
yes everytime i listen to this song i get a smirk on my face .. .what is rong with me ... really tho its sickening why am i thinking about this weekend so much ... why am i so emotional ... why ... lol yea and hwo did people in shop see the hickeys on my neck all the lights are off ... not cool ... love and love and happy afternoons ... watching tv from your room... while you laying in my arms ... sigh ... lol i mean really ... maybe im being crazy ... maybei need to call will and have him smack some sense in to me im gonan txt him ok ill ttyl
love ya
i fixed aijas blog and we had a meeting for us girls and ummi we can wear pj pants ... not cool : ( o well im so like ... smirking and listening to all we ever needed ... o man .. im so like ... happy ... like its soo weird im never happy ... like i dont even no what it is but this must be it ... maybe its the feeling of that somone wants u but not like in a bad way like in an innocent like 12 year old way ... maybe im just being dumb ... but im deffinaltely digging the soft melodies of the early november like you dont even no ... yea im so like not doing my work and htinking about alot of stuff ... i hope that ryan calls me ... that would be so awesome liek this : D hooray lol its so dumb this is like a preteen crush ... lol makes sense ryan look slike hes 11 lol anyways im gonan go and try to concentrate ... *sigh ... i love spring time and summer
love ya
Sagittarius
May 17, 2004
Daily Teen
You may feel like daydreaming all day about that guy or girl you have a crush on. That's cool, but don't get so wrapped up in them that you forget about that test you have to study for!
lol yea so if anyone sees me day dreaming tomorro smack me cuz i no im not gonna be in the mood at all to be doing anywork at all ...
hmm now the regret is setting in ... ido liek him but im just thinking like how i dont act like that infront of my friends ... id uno why im tweaking out about this soo much but like ... maybe chells are just not built to handle this kind of randomnes s.. i mean maybe if like other people werent there WATCHING US ... then i wouldnt have such a problem and thne that stuff on his neck yea lol .. im deffinately tweaking over nothing .. i duno i think ireally do like him and i just dont wanna fuck it up ... that is so weird of me to say stuff like that .. i mean ... since when did i fucking care ... at all ... lol i mean .. its sum guy i jsut met and im all like ... i like him ... have i turned desperate ... idont think so he is pretty cute ... teh im just being delusional or something of that nature ... o well tomorrow in shop is gonan be hell if this thing is still here o man thats all i will hear about from everyone ok im out and i need to stop talking so i fi start talking to you about ryan just tell me to shut the hells up ok im out
love ya
holy crap i cant sleep i dunno im thinking about all kinds of stuff like how to hide the hickeys on my neck ... i mean they arent that bad i kinda feel bad for ryan cuz his were all like black lol ... but like i dunno ... i catn sleep ... lol yea i dunno it sucks and it was down pouring last night at like 230 and im waking aij aup witih my typing... but i cant help it my mind is still buzzing ... why did i do that ...i dont do things like that... like making out with guys i barely no... and then like likeing them .. well i mean i do tend to be spontaneous in the people i lke i mean i wouldnt have gone out with adam or andrew if i wasnt all crazy like that .. but making out with them is a totally different story... i had like less than 5 hours of sleep and its ridiculous ... cuz im fucking wide awake and im all wanting some tums... jeez last night ... this all would have made so much more sense if i was fear and loathing but it was all pure soberness all night... wow my mind is crazy and my moms gonna beat me ... i wonder if its cool out and i can get away with a sweater ill find my senses fail one ok im gonna go heres so good lyrics that remind me of last night
Tonight is a story of love
And two broken hearts set by one
And all he wants is a sign
Of how she's making her mind
All we ever wanted was
Love and love and happy afternoons
Watching TV from your room
While you're laying in my arms
And I know it's not fair to me
To see this love walk right by me
Say, will we ever meet the right way Again, again
Tonight I will sit next to you
To see if you act like we're through
To make you laugh is all I want
I'll hold you while tears fill our eyes
Love and love and happy afternoons
Watching TV from your room
While you're laying in my arms
And I know it's not fair to me
To see this love walk right by me
Say, will we ever meet the right way
Love and love and happy afternoons
Watching TV from your room
While you're laying in my arms
And I know it's not fair to me
To see this love walk right by me
Say, will we ever meet the right way
Again, again
im so smitten ... aww its too adorable ... this kid ryan i just met today is the sweetest thing ever and hes wicked cute and he can drive and hes really cute ... and i duno im so like omg ... aww im so like i dunno i swear if aija saw this she would be like omg michelle uhhh .... yea but yea we all like made out and i all have all this like marks on me ... yea and its not like he dont either ... and we all went 4 wheeling and i crashed in a pricker bush and im scratched ... omg im so like happy right now... aww ryan is adorable but he is like two feet shorter than and like all that too lol ... and i saw jannessa and shanise while i was rubning down the street with no shoes on .. because i wore these like gay ass shooes they were hott but i have like 20 blisters like if somone saw me they think i was torchered im all ike limping and have blisters and scratches everywhere and what appears to be bruises on my nexk lol ... o man best fuckin night on the trampoline ... aww im so happy and excited but ... i dunno im excited and he likes me alot and thats soo adorable ... omg and aija was like your are lke a mini me and dube ...aija thinks that if we were all like trashed that we would have fucked not cool cuz that wouldnt have happened t all orr nott faaagggeettt
im out
love ya
i dunon this week nothing happened really exciting i ve been tired all week so yea but today well idunno what im gonna do but me and aija should be getting all fear and loathing later ... weeerrrdd cant wait for that lmao and im gona help her bake a cake and well she was supposed to call me last night and never did and i tried to call her this morning but she is still sleeping wtf ... o well ill ttyl
love ya
i duno im really really tured and dont no what to do because i went to cross country and im all tired and ... i dunno and im hott and tired and i dont wanan do anything so im gonna do my homework tomoro...but i am extremely disappointed in aija and dube and they no why
love ya
ok nothing exciting i just hung out wiht aija today to see what people would say ... will is gonna clal me later and we are gonna go for a walk but im all really really really really hott cuz its all like 80 bnillions degress out o well ihave to go now ttyl
love ya
ok so me and aija hung out afterschool and i helped her with her homework beacsue she is gonna pass no matter what damnit ... and if she doesnt i swear to god some heads are gonna roll ... o yea i found out heather and lynn are friends again that might be why she was being such a bitch to me but i could care less fuck her ... and ifyou wanan see why i have this fuck everyone mentality read me and aijas blog... yea so umm ... i dont care really fuck everyone cuz aija is the only one there for me anymore not fucking lynn ive never seen lynn compasionate to my feelings ... or anyone ive been hanging out with latley cept will aija and kristyn even bear was being quite compassionate ... so yea ... fuck everyone because i could give ashit less about all this drama ... anyways .. umm when me and aija were walkin down the street these random kids where taking pics of us and i tok the camera and was like fuckers if you keep doing this im gonan tell trent and they like freaked out lol i was all confused by the little fuckers they need to get hit .. but anyways ... umm nothing really exciting cept me and aija were inspired byt our new ideas of highschool anarchy ... teh i really dont care who is reading this fuck you ... i dont like anyone anyways ... i really only get along with aija ... and kristyn and will and bear and i mean i get along better with my brother than anyone lol at school o well bye
love ya
im in related .. yea not exciting obviously everyone is talking about prom and i really really could care less its really irritating and im tired cuz i didnt sleep at all ... grrr i wish everyone would stop being so mean to me i mean really wat di di to them maybe its just karma i dont care whatever i just needed to get that of fmy chest ok bye
CrazyAdam421:i hate you
michelle95839849: why
CrazyAdam421: classified
LiLBch321: ure suck a loser
michelle95839849: uhh yea i dont control my friends or what they say adam
michelle95839849: sorry i gues
michelle95839849: go ahead and hate me adam
michelle95839849: i dont care now at least
michelle95839849: teh you are a total ass anyways
actually this doesnt make me sad it makes me laugh and not regret stuff i jsut wanted to write this so i can look back on it and laugh lol aww im getting over it lol i just needed to be hated
o man check htis shiznet out
ok well wow so much stff now im tweaking later i will go into more detaisl but ill define it by a few lyrics a few poems
Emo Girl
She’s just an emo girl
Stuck in her own cruel world
A tough outer shell
With a deep inner hell
She’s waiting for her savoir to come
She thinks she has a good beat
Just like every one you meet
Another stand-out face in the crowd
That’ll shout it out loud
She’s waiting for her savoir to come
The stereotypical picture
Of a rock-punk golden mixture
Her attitude it never dies
But still inside she cries and cries
She’s waiting for her savior to come
I think that everybody knows
The pain inside that she withholds
With all the anger, hurt, and sin
That she does not keep within
She’s just an emo girl
Stuck in her own cruel world
A tough outer shell
With a deep inner hell
She’s waiting for her savoir to come
and this....
We're so nice sitting very still,
in a room where no one else can feel the pain
that breaks my heart each day,
I'm not ok.
Sunlight shining through my window,
let's me know that I'm still alive
Why did I ever let you inside my heart? I'm such a fool.
Paint my face in shades of blood
and grey and take a seat right next to me
But I should have known that you were a killer.
But now I'm dead.
A gaping hole, shot through my heart
A lost connection from your poison dart
Shot from your tounge to end my life.
You're blowing at the fire to light your strife.
You'll never know.
The hardest thing about dying is,
knowing you'll never see the light of day.
A gaping hole...(shot through my heart)
A lost connection from your poison dart.
My head now spins and my ears bleed gold.
I try so fucking hard, but I can't fit your mold.
The hardest thing about dying is
knowing you'll never see the light of day(x2)
You ripped my heart out,
you tore my eyes out, now you're gonna pay
I'll stab you one time.
I'll eat your heart out so you feel my pain.
Don't you know that I always see you in all of my dreams?
I wanna kill you.
I wanna kill you now.(x2)
I'm insane.
AND THIS...
We're so nice sitting very still,
in a room where no one else can feel the pain
that breaks my heart each day,
I'm not ok.
Sunlight shining through my window,
let's me know that I'm still alive
Why did I ever let you inside my heart? I'm such a fool.
Paint my face in shades of blood
and grey and take a seat right next to me
But I should have known that you were a killer.
But now I'm dead.
A gaping hole, shot through my heart
A lost connection from your poison dart
Shot from your tounge to end my life.
You're blowing at the fire to light your strife.
You'll never know.
The hardest thing about dying is,
knowing you'll never see the light of day.
A gaping hole...(shot through my heart)
A lost connection from your poison dart.
My head now spins and my ears bleed gold.
I try so fucking hard, but I can't fit your mold.
The hardest thing about dying is
knowing you'll never see the light of day(x2)
You ripped my heart out,
you tore my eyes out, now you're gonna pay
I'll stab you one time.
I'll eat your heart out so you feel my pain.
Don't you know that I always see you in all of my dreams?
I wanna kill you.
I wanna kill you now.(x2)
I'm insane.
OMG SOO MANY CONFLICTING EMOTIONS I WANT EVERYTHING TO BE HAPPY I WANNA BE WITH ADAM AND BE FREIDNS WITH ANDRREW AND HEATHER AND AIJA AND LYNN AND EVERYONE TO BE FUCKIN HAPPY ANGET ALONG INSTEAD OF MY FUCKING HYPERVENTALATING BECAUSE I MISS SOMONE SOO MUCH I CANT TALK TO THEM AND I STUTTER AND DONT I HATE MY SELF FOR FUCKING EVERYTHING UP I JUST WANNA JUMP OFF A BRIDGE AND GO BACK IN TIME AND MAKE EVERYTHING GOOD AGAIN
yea i feel like crap
yea umm i didnt get much sleep and everyone is bitching and fucking itching to get out of school because of prom i wish everyone would just shut the hell up about it because i dont care and i really could care less damn just leave me the hell alone i no that im not going ... and that omg i should but im not and i dont wanna and eveyrone isg onna have fun ... but whatever but im going with willtoday horray .... well imnot that excitedbut maybe ill get mroe excited later when he picks me up which is good cuz i hate talking the bus
ok im out
love ya
WOOOOTTTT
im in a good mood i wanna do soemthing fun tonight i hope angie can babysit with me and ihope she is liek home this afternoon when icall her ....she beter be or ill be soooo heated...but not totally i dunon i just wanted to right in this ... i wish liek id unoe i could have lika a huge party and all my friends would get along but they dont ... what the hell ... ok im gonan go ttyl
yeap.......
nothing exciting i flooding jeffs kitchen and i might not be babysitting tomorro and that sucks cuz then i wont have alot of money then ill be sad cuz then i wont have alot of money to get my mom a mother's day present .. sad lol but yea right now im listening to led zeppelin cuz it was out and i was like hells yeas im in da mood for somet oldies im thinking about bringing it to shop tomorro yea ... so ummm not much to really say .... but whatever o yea katie is gonna have puppies and like there are two new people that are pregnant in school lol the number of pregnant girls or girls with kids in my school is growing does any one no how to use pertection i mean really ok im outtie
love ya
LOOK OUT ITS THE JUNIOR PROMMMMMMMM AAAHHH
teh you might just think it is a monster or some terrible virus by the way eveyrone is talking about it ... all of the horrible and good things that could happen... the sad thing is its more horrible htan good ... why put your self through all that just to dance get pics and eat ... yea ooo ono whatever ill be joining the masses next year for the senior prom lol im not like my peers i guess im just a non conforment peice of crap but i dont care... go off with all of your friends have a fun time id rather jsut have a quiet night ... becase i no its gonna be a disaster and people will be talking about it for centuries or at least for a week ... yea lol anyways umm that enough of my ranting i have to go pee lol ttyl
love ya
LOL DAMN YOU ANGIE
yea now im listening to my drive thru dvd cuz angie got that down song by something corporate stuck in my damn head lol o well its a good cd lol yea soo anyways no i have it stuck in my head and then ill be singing something geyyy like new found glory ooo not cool lol o welli already finished my flow chart so now ill have to do is code not bad for 9ish in da morn lol o well i think im gonna go ill tell you if anything develops o wwait did i tell you i got a new shirt its hott like ... i dunno straberries lol its blue and it has stripes but you cant really see the stripes im gona wear it on friday ... i think im just gonna have will pick me up on friday and say fuck da bus cuz im jsut that coool lol thats three o's too cool for you double o's ok im done before i do something KAarazy
Let's get drunk, you can drive us to the harbor
Wish upon a star, but do you know what stars are?
Balls of fire burning up the black space
Falling from the landscape
Exploding in the Face of God
Let's get crazy, talk about our big plans
Places that you're going, places that I haven't been
Build my walls up, concrete castle
Keep this kingdom free of hassles
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
But I hear sound echo in the emptiness all around
What you can't change is loneliness
Look at what you've found, I'm falling down
Taste the saline rolling down your cheekbone
Tell me that you’re alone, tell me on the telephone
Feel your heart, it breaks within your chest now
Try to get some rest now
Sleep’s not coming easy for a while, child
Child, yeah
But I hear sound echo in the emptiness all around
What you can't change is loneliness
Look at what you've found, I'm falling down
Down, down, down, down
But I hear sound echo in the emptiness all around
What you can't change is loneliness
Look at what you've found, I'm falling down
Look at what you've found, I'm falling down
yea not excited
but my horoscope says that if i dont make things worse than they are my life will brighten up by hten end of the day ...great cuz my nana said she was gonna bring me shopping hells yea ... maybe i can get something nice for friday so i can look pretty for once ... o well aww it would be soo cool cuz everyoen else is going to prom with their loves ... not me tho considering the fact that i dont have one sadly ... but im not gonan dwell on it i really havent thought baout adam .. well i have and im probably contradicting yesterdays blog but right now i dont miss him and by the end of the night i probably will ... but watever umm yea we had a mock car crash today to make sure kids that are going to prom dont drink and that they should wear their seatbelts i guess that might help them if they are driving drunk ... lol but anyways it was cool but there was a mock trial too which was really really boring ... yea so then like we did nothing today and shop and i got introuble for playing games ... i htink i want a ferret ... can you make them not smell bad ... beacuse i seriouslyu would get one if they didnt smell bad ... hmm maybe you can by ferret cologne yea cool ... i no umm but watever ... im gonan go and like do watever ok ttyl love ya
good rest of the day ...
i never finsihsed todays program cuz mrs lew wouldnt help me ...but watever so then i get off the bus and eat some food and call will ... we go out to pet co and look at the ferrets and the birds lol ... yea so then we decided we wanted to watch alice in wonderland or wizard of oz i dont remember lol so we drive back home and we decided to go on a "date" lol yea we are gonna go to a nice restaurant lol and we dont no wat else but we never no wat else anyways lol but like wewatched homestar and hung out ... its cool tho o well im gonna go now i have to do something ... well not reallybut i can pretend
HEATHER DONT LOOK AT MY Stuff
anyways ... ok good day and that well i mean we ahd to do our programs all over again but o well lol well not over again but we had to get another lecture beacsue our stupid related teacher doesnt teach and im almost done and will txted me and asked if i wanted to hang out and i was like "yea sure as soon as i get out of this hell hole" lol o well ok umm not much to say really ... umm yea aija apologized so i guess everything is cool im gonna more apologize to her for being an ass or watever for the past while that she didnt say anything ... i wish she said something cuz i would have stoped ok and i wish stupid bitches would mind their own business lol ... effed in the a lol soo funnie lol they took err jerbs lol yea anyways randomness so yea i thnk da boy has a game but its prob gonna be cancelled and im gonna see if will has to work on fri cuz then we can start planning for our prom lol o well im gonna go ttyl
love ya
good day ...
well umm today i went out with will and i picked up the pic slips from aija ... yea watever and then me and will dindt no what we were doing so then we went to brooks and got the pics lol hilarious shit on them lol so anyways ... we went to block buster and rented big fish and we watched it and like i ate chocolate teddy grahams with spaghetti iwas soo good lol and all of his roomates were like are you retarded lol ... and then like we went out and talked and stuff and then i told him if he asked me out i wouldnt sa no and like i dunno we jsut talked baout stuff like that OMG I SAW FUCKING ANDREW AND ADAM TODAY like iwanted to jump out of the car and talk to andrew and i just like stared at adam like a sad puppy ... but its cool im not worried .. o and then i told will that me and him are gonn ahve our own prom on friday and we are gonna have fun and im gonna take will next year to my senior prom lol yea ok well im gonna go now ... good day
love ya
i pretty much talked to bear and kristyn on the phone for like an hour ... they are cool kids we were all depressed just trying to keep eachother happy and have some company in that state ... so the boys didnt go home untill 1030 and then i watched south park till lik 230 in da morning and then stayed up and read some bookage for like a have hour then i like woke up at 8 lol yea i got alot of sleep and me and will are supposed to go mini golfing but i dunno cuz its supposed to storm so we dunno what we are gonna do but will brought over some cherry garcia ... lol yea ice cream makes me happy specially cuz of my burn i just like put it on it and i was like creaming my self and i was like will you are awesome ... i tried to cheer kristyn up like all day but it wasnt happening but o well finally she saw some of her john may may on the tube cuz bear showed her and then she was singing on the phone and me and bear could barely hold a convo lol o well lol ... so anyways i woke up and my mom is like your driving me nuts your walking around talking to your slef like an idiot talk to your gramma and she handed me the phone and i talked to her ... and i was liek mom thinks im KaRazy ... and she laughed lol but watever now im just chillin idid call will to tell him the weather shit but he was like ineed more sleep so he is gonna sleep another hour and call me i felt bad but he said i didnt wake him up ... he was also up watching south park last night lol o well ... i have to go now ... and i dunno i just wanna seem like i have something important todo alirhgt ass holes ... ok bye
loveya
Sagittarius
...With Scorpio
NOT
A MATCH
MADE IN HEAVEN
Definition of Marriage
Love isn't love unless it is expressed;
caring isn't caring unless the other person knows;
sharing isn't sharing unless the other person is included;
Loving, caring, and sharing can make for a very happy marriage.
LOVE AND MARRIAGE
These two are so unlike as to make one wonder whatever could have been the attraction for either of them in the first place. If it was a strictly a physical attraction it is not likely to last for one whole season much less a lifetime. Scorpio is the type who lives to possess the ones he/she loves and to manipulate them in anyway he/she chooses. This would not set well with the freedom loving, independent Sagittarius who refuses to be tied down or restricted in any way. All of Scorpios attempts in this direction would be wasted on this personality.
It is almost impossible for any one person to tame this one as he/she will chase excitement, adventure, and the opposite sex with equal abandon. Scorpio would have to handle the finances, and the risks that Sagittarius takes daily would soon have Scorpio a nervous wreck. There is no way that Sagittarius will ever be a reasonable, serious person no matter how hard Scorpio tries to turn him/her into one.
If Sagittarius gets the impression that he/she is thought of as the exclusive sexual property of Scorpios, and it would be unwise for Scorpio to act as if this is so, that is when he/she begins to kick over the traces and will go bed-hopping. This is an unlikely alliance and not a match made in Heaven.
BUSINESS PARTNERSHIPS
This would also be an unwise business partnership for much the same reasons as outlined above. Sagittarius will be much too busy searching out the excitement in the business and will work at it willingly, unless it becomes a hum drum affair at which time he is likely to lose interest in the whole thing. Scorpio is not as adept at dealing with the public for he is apt to sting those who can help and cultivate those that can harm the business. Not a recommended business partnership.
:-(
what did i do rong none of this makes sense i guess im jsut a peice of shit that has no friends ... whatever tho ... its jsut too much to right and too much to think about thanks you guys ... i guess im just a peice of shit for real a total peice of shit cant do nothing right and i guess i should jsut jump off a fucking bridge into pirranah infested water where i belong witht he fucking outcasts of the fish world with two friends kristyn and will i hope i dont be an ass to them like im an ass to everyone else but i probably am an ass to them and they just wont tell me and they will wait for the day to blow up on me and ill have no one and end up being a pirranah i wasnt trying to be cool aija i was just telling you wat was going on and i wasnt laughing at you i was laughing with you the shit they say its rediculous and if you dotn think that im a good frien than watever and me telling you wat to do i was trying to get u on track be cuz you dont focus ... but i dunno i dunon what to say i need to calm down before i seriously put a hole in the wall for real ... wow ridiculous
Stop these looks and letters
This isn't for the better,
you've put me down
It's for the worse
You're not my girl
(can't recall, I can't recall all the times)
I can't recall all the times
that she talked down to you
Letter's come again ...
Better scenes... I wish you'd seen me
Better off if I just let it be
Better pretend it don't matter
Better off if I could have her
Better days since the day I met her
I'd better hope she got my letters
Better off in two year stretches
I'll be your friend in hell, until then I despise you. And I probably always will. I cant afford to make another mistake like this. Cause this is more than I can take. I don't mean to leave angry, this is by your own device. I'm sure this comes as no surprise.
My Memories
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