yea ... its nice ... i just wanna sink into a warm tub of water ... o man that would be soo fucking fantastic ... like with candles and bubbles lol ... wat a corn ball lol o well ... i dont even care ... but ... like this whole getting homeowork every fucking night thing really sucks like im wicked tired ... i wanna be someplace warm and away on a beach lol ... i just want everything ... o man ... lol my shirt stillsays gurl ...
In my car...five days and counting, here you are
The phone rings, what more could you say
I know you won't ever admit that you fell for him,
He never loved you back.
Isn't it wonderful,
So predictable,
I told you so...
Stay awake,
I'm here now don't say sorry.
Not picking up because he knows your calling,
He's holding back because he knows your falling.
Your night and day and that's why he's stalling,
But one day (one day), he'll be sorry.
I hope that you never relive that,
Something tells me drama always gives you a hand.
It's just a matter of passing time,
After time, after time.
Stay awake tonight,
Forget about your last goodbyes and you'll be sorries.
Stay awake tonight,
Forget about your last goodbyes now don't say sorry. (say sorry)
Stay awake,
I'm here now don't say sorry.
Stay awake,
I'm here, why don't you tell me is it worth it,
To close your eyes and live a dream.
Tell me was it perfect,
Was it really everything, you ever thought someone could be?
Stay awake tonight,
Forget about your last goodbyes and you'll be sorries.
Stay awake,
I'm here now don't say sorry.
Stay awake,
I'm here why dont you stay awake tonight?
Try to forget about your last goodbyes and you'll be sorries.
Stay awake tonight,
Try to forget abour your last goodbyes now don't say sorry.
these lyrics have nothing to do with anything ... its just a really good song lol ... o well im totally out
... i dont no if today was one of those days but i like didnt even get mad really today .. i dotn think so at least ... but like i udnno i had a good day ... i just was in a good mood lol ... so yea o man today ... i signed up for gsa and voting went down for class ... stuff like prez and stuff lol and me and ashley aldrich were the only ones that ran i dunno who she is lol but like if i saw her id know who she is ... but i guess people voted for me cuz they came up to me and told me but ill prob lose so watever and joe agreed to have my baby but he said that he wanted to have one after anothing till hes like 50 and i told him that would make him really loose so he decided jess should be the seregant mother lol it was funnie and then he called me a slut ... but not really cuz he was like you eff eveyrone chell and i was like teh i so do not ... and then i was all like teh watever and lol it was funnie cuz david was all up ons my ass and ... stuff lol and i was like whoa step off and htne ... i saw steph and said hi to her and i saw chad and i said hi to him and i duno being a senior is pimp i wander the halls alot and i got this stuff for college today which is cool and i have to have my mom fill it out while im at work today ... so yea im gonna go and make the most of this half hour i have left before i have to get ready for wokr ... so later
run as far as i can (like to the lights at the end of my street lol ) like just go and get out of this place .... i need to fucking jump off a cliff ... into a valley full of sharp poisonous thorns and get eaten alive by rattlesnakes and snails ...
dude ... i really dont care how much of an ass i am ... whatever i could care less how much of a pissed off mood im in ... just leave me the fuck alone and i wont make anyone feel like shit ... and its great how people thinks its even funnier to make me madder ... yea thats fucking awesome ... im gonna die of a heartattack before the age of 25 ... watch cuz all this shit is taking a toll ..
im so fucking tired its ridiculous like i wanan do my homework but im in a social mood lol ... which is funnie cuz like i just dont wanna deal with peoples shit ... i wish more peopel were on my same page and didnt like make me feel dumb all the time ... i dunno thats just me ... but i udnno im fucking retarded anyways ... and hte boy is all wanting to use the computer and im all getting really pissed off and want to kill ... but like if he just left me alone i wouldnt have just broke my headphones ... sigh ... when will people learn .. lol but yea im out iguess cuz like i have to get off line for 6 or like ill explode ... fucking a ono i have to play my fuckin game it might like die .. im gonna fucking unistall it and then whose gonna be throwing shit ... o well ok bye
yea i dont wanna talk about my day cuz itll upset me but josh made me feel better cuz like we chilled and hes too cool lol ... and jon was there which was cool too i guess lol ... but i dunno i just had fun ... im in a good modo like ... i dunno why im wasting my time writing this post
yea... i have this wicked bad feeling that im going to be let down in a very big way today ...
You may not be in the mood to go out, so why bother if you don't really feel like it? Especially if you just so happen to have someone by your side who you'd have to be nuts to leave.
does that make anysense??? lol my fucking horoscope lol im trying to like figure out why i feel like this ...
Your friends are your top priority this week. Sometimes in the middle of a social gathering you like to just sit back and watch them interact with one another. Where you ever found such funny, smart people you'll never know. On Wednesday or Thursday, invite a couple of them out to a concert or to see some art with you. They each have such original perspectives on the world that it's always an adventure to explore things with them. Over the weekend, you may find yourself in a conversation with a perfect stranger (and, likely as not, a future friend).
roar
fuckin a why do i get so mad ... im gonna go cry... bye
i look so different its ridiculous i really like this pic lol
lol this is me from like christmas time
its sooo good i could cry ... i wihs i was home with josh ... fucking ass ... lol i hope he can get the day off next friday that would be pimp lol
Tell your mom you need a day off
So we can play out in the rain
We'll catch a ride to the mall.
Go down to the arcade
Cuz that's where all the cool kids hang.
Tell your mom you need a day off
Cuz I don't feel like school today
We'll ride our boards down the hill
And to the playground
Where everything's okay.
Tell your mom that we'll be home late,
Cuz building cabins in the woods is hard work
You always know that I'll be there
Cuz summer time is coming near
My closest friend you'll always be
You are a home town kid like me..
Tell your mom to make us lunch now
Cuz we worked up an appitite
G.I. Joes and Karate matches in the backyard
Where everything's all right
Now I can see that things have changed
We've gone our seperate ways now
And it's not you and me anymore..
Why can't it be the way it was
Where pain was only plastic guns
My closest friend I couldn't see
You are a million miles away
And I guess I'll hold my breath
There is no harm in hoping for change
[3x]
And I guess I'll hold my breath..
but yea i took a test and i think i did maybe good i took out some words accidentally when i was rewriting the code but like mr g helped me which was pimp cuz hteni woulda gotten really erally pissed but watever ... im still wicked sniffly its wicked dumb i hate being sick
this is the tight knit click of hte hott kids from the cross country team ... teh we are sooo awesome it hurts ... we are like ... too cool for school... ill tell you how it goes..
top left going across is joe, me and steph then aija is under joe and david is one the bottom
jsut to show all the confusion at north lol ... this is one of the many pics from that black and white camera
i like love everything right now im in such a good mood ... that might change tho o man and i have the black and white pics ... and they are sooo pimp and im gonna scan some of them lol but i cant scan the ones thats school appropriate ... lol ... aija toko the one of me on hte floor of josh's car and its like hidden ... lol but yea ... my teacher jsut came over and was like wats up and im lke uhh im writing in my journal and hes like o lol cuz i was being susupcious ... well nto really lol ... but lilke i have all tehse pics of me fucked up its sooo fuckng hilarious lol and i showed him all the ones of cross countrylol i had to pick out the other ones its wicked funnie half is of me as a good kid and the other half is of me all likle a bad kid its soo fucking awesome ... im too cool ... lol yea and todays josh's bday ... which is spiff andi hope that he has a good bday lol and ih ope i have a good day ... horray ... later
wtf ... what is rong with me... its so dumb how certain tihngs totally set me off ... it like bugs me soo much ... why ... this is fucked up .... why cant likle ... shit not bother me so much??? thats like the same thing i just fucking said RRRRRRRRwhat the fuck i just wanna cry ... i dont wanna go to work i just wanna curl up in a ball and cry ... do you see my fucking mood swings this shit is sooo ridiculous ... ihate my self ... FUCKING DESPISE ... i hate hate hate myself ....
so yea im sitting on the bus watching peopel get off and then adam gets off and i turn around to see if any one i know is out there ... lol and i see andrew and then andrew and adam walk off together lol ... youi may no think this is as hilarious as i think it is but i mean i coulda died ... lol i wonder if adam told andrew about our incidents lol ... and then like o man its just wicked ironic lol ... i wonder how they became friends again lol ... o man lol and then i saw zack when i was wakling home ... and then dube texts me and is like hey was up and then i called him and i was like yea what od you want and hes like tell me when your working so we can chill ... lol so i m like uhh ill tell you later i dont no it off the top of my head and hes like ahh ... ok i was like ill go online and tell you it tonight and hes like ok so yea ... lol i dunno im in a good mood and then ... jamies crying ... poor jamie ... poor aija .... lol and thne lol steph joe and aija LMAO ... o man i hope aija chills with them just so i can no how that works out lol ... ok and i got a kiss on the cheek from joe today cuz hes a sweetie and i got to finger bobs butthole cuz hes got such a nice ass lol
o man wat a fucking hilariously awesome day ...
lol i dont know wat to write but i dont no when ill actually be abel to post today ... cuz of work and such it sucks ... i hate work ... it sucks ... and i kinda did some of my work today ... im gonna get bad grades this yea because i really just dont care ... which is sad ... and i have to make sure to see if i can get sats off ... i hope this girl is nice enough to switch days with me ... and oct 3 i have to see if i have off so i can go to the college fair with jess and that will be wicked pimp .... im bored school sucks and i hate eveyrhting ... i dont wanna come to school tomorrow or work i just wanna sit down and chill and just relax ... i wanna go to the feild and chill ... i just awnna fucking relax ... poor aija ... this song is dedicated to you
She saw the look in his eyes-And she knew better He wanter her tonight-And it was now or neverHe made her feel so sad Oh woa woa-Jamie's Cryin'Oh woa woa-Jamie's Cryin'Now Jamie wouldn't say alright-She knew he'd forget herAnd so they said goodnight-Oh and now he's gone foreverShe wants to send him a letter-Yea YeaJust to try to make herself feel betterIt said gimme (gimme a call sometime)But she knows what that'll get herOh woa woa-Jamie's Cryin'Oh woa woa-Jamie's Cryin'Now Jamie's been in love before-And she knows what love is forIt should mean-a little-A little more-Than one night standsShe wants to send him a letter-Yea YeaJust to try to make herself feel betterIt said gimme (gimme a call sometime)But she knows what that'll get her Oh woa woa-Jamie's Cryin'
Life sucks me and Ryan are over and if you didn't notice the last time I wrote we were and that was in January..... That's gay but that's okay maybe he found a girl with bigger boobs and maybe she don't talk or is do dumb she don't know how which in fact would,d make there relationship wonderful..... But it will be over soon cuz im gonna run himova with my car can you say krazy bitch well i Dunno but that what you will be saying when im locked up in some mental ward crying for my mom and no1 will let me out cuz im crazy, crazy, crazy! you will all learn i will one day be known for the strange but eventful starting now 2004 richual killings of all ex-boyfriends and let me tell those lil ones get around so till the next time bye-bye
i want to be there ... really ... o man so hott and beautiful instead of this shitty new england shit
isnt this the most beautiful thing you have ever seen .... i just want to jump into the picture .. its soo delicious
josh ... this is where we are gonna run away to ... we can watch the sunset on a tropical beach away from everyone and all their stupid bullshit and we can just sit there all night
half of my shop works at dunkin donuts so like ... at least once a week somone brings in donuts ... lol i wish i worked there cuz i cant likel bring in candles or cards for everyone to eat ... even tho candles smell so good ... that you wanan eat thme but thats different ... so yea i am gonna go to practice just nto run hard... and the girls did good wihtout me which is good ... i love music ... its delicious like doughnuts lol ... im really still sniffly and idnt take anymeds im totally not looking forward to work tomorrow or friday ... bah not even cool ... and saturday ... im kinda happy that im only scheduled to work 4 days for the next two weeks cuz like then .. i have more time to do nothing wich is pretty fantastic ... yea i have like make up work but i prob wont do it ... cuz im cool like that?
whatever it doesnt matter ...
all the boys voices cracking
oh, the moaning half tones
come summertime, we're all the same age here
all the tension and the terror
thin limbed gorgeous green eyes smiling
and i'm going straight to hell
all the possibility and promise just weighs on me so heavily
and i try but i'm not convincing
your lips, they pout and twist
and i die trying just to keep myself from kissing you.
you take in everything with a certainty i envy
it's somehow all i need
just keep me guessing please
darling, all of these awkwardjumpstartstalling conversations
mean much more to me than anything
it comes down to me and you
and whether we're supposed to or not, we still will
we're so much better off than them
all the possibility and promise just weighs on me so heavily...
a look
a laugh
a smile
a second passes by and i regret it
words just aren't right
sometimes i just can't explain
all the ways you devastate me
always on my mind
my words may not make sense but i mean well....lol hey i kinda like this pinkish color its pimp lol i need to get some blank cds ... thats important for me to remember ... im kinda tired.... staying up till 11:30 everynigth might become a bad thing eventually ... staying up is easy its just waking up the next morning thats hard ... cuz like i love to talk to people lol even if i piss them off alot in the mean time ...
shit i have to do my work he says its gonna take a couple hours .... a couple hours .... o man wtf ... i really dont wanna do work .. alright i have to go ttyl bye
bahh
im so like sad and shit ... no one like understands me ... how cliche is that lol ... eww too cliche ... but watever ... im just like sad and feeling alone ... wishing i had an emo boy that understood me ... cuz id unno i dont evne think an emo boy would understand me lol ... but like i dont even understand me so its like wtf.... i wish i could interpret wat im feeling ... but like i cant my words get fucked upa ndi say the wrong thing and theni look weird ... but isnt it weird to talk about your problems anyways ...so why do i do it ??? i dont know ... theres so much confusion in me ... so many things going through my mind and its all jumbled and i dont understand any of it and it makes me soo sick ... why cant anyone just be like ... i understand and its ok ... yoru cool anyways michelle instead of giving me weird looks and justnodding politely ... is it so bad to want to be understood??? theres so many things that i crave from people and i never get but also dont deserve it ... why am i so vague this hole post makes no sense and each statement has nothing to do wiht thenext one but this is how i think and feel and act ... im so sad ... wtf
yea .. im like confused ... damn it ... but yea i stayed hometoday cuz im likewicked sick and like dieing but like i slept all day and i took some meds so now im kinda feeling better cept for the ... like walking into stuff part ... yea and i couldnt b reath and shit ... so i didnt go to my meet obviously but i prob didnt miss out on too much cuz no one would miss me at school anyways lol ... im in a god mood i dled winmx and im dling some anberlin o man sooo orgasmic
YOU FUCKING BITCH lol its not really to her its just some shit she needs to dl and omg ... o man orgasm causing music here it is:
ANBERLIN: really just anything but theres a good song called ready fuels and the fucking awesomest shit ever and theres a song its "foreign language"
THE JULIANA THEORY:duane joseph is wicked good
TAKING BACK SUNDAY: great romances of the 20th century(if you dont already have that song)
MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE: .... i dunno lol ive heard good things lol so dl watever
THE STARTING LINE:make it a note + break up day
STRAYLIGHT RUN: existentialism on prom night
ACTION ACTION: lets never go to sleep (if you can cuz i tried looking them up and i didnt find anything)
HALIFAX: thats if you dont have alot of that already
MADCAP: lovesick ... awesoem song it was on of the samples
FOLLY: whatever they were good
ROXI MONOXIDE:they were good
but yea ... why do people think that smurfs come blue ... lke really that doesnt even make anysense ... fucking people are soo dumb lol
yea well today in shop i was yelling about how smurfs dont come blue and then like my teacher wakled in and he just looked at me like i was retarded and i was like idd you hear me back there and hes like you need to close the door if you gonna talk loud lol
whatever bitches im out love ya bye
lol im not like mad its jsut liek this is the 8th time trying to get to this one spot on the internet and im finally posting lol on to wat i was trying to say ...
Everytime i look at u i wanna kill, i wanna kill
Stranger things that i would do to make u feel the way i feel
Its just that i have been broken so many thousand times
and everytime i start again i wonder why, wonder why
Its been such a hard year, it wont ever change
My heart isnt cold now, Its not what it seems because
you say to me your heart feels far away
im lovesick now.
Everytime i look at u i wanna die, wanna die
Stranger things that i would say to make u feel the way i feel
Its just that i have been broken so many thousand times
And everytime i start again i wonder why, wonder why
Its been such a hard year, it wont ever change
My heart isnt cold now, its not what it seems because
You say to me your heart feels far away
Now day by day i start to realize that nothings gonna change
so i became
it doesnt really matter anyway
its not what it seems to me, because
you say to me your heart feels far away
Im lovesick now.
so yes ... i fucking love music i need to see senses fail on the 24th ??? thats when i think it is and aija said that taking back sunday and atreyu are going to conneticut so like i wanna go see tbs cuz i never ever seen them ... o man and like one of the girls i was with at the show was telling me that atreyu is like nuts ... but i eraly just wanna see tbs ... i only like a little bit of the little bit of them that ive heard ... lol if that makes sense ... o man kris thanks for the cds ... im listening to saves the day lol ... i have like 5 cds today that are new ... so .. ummm yea .. im wicked sniffly i feel all sick and stuff but im still in a good mood ... and i have to work today with becky which is pimp i guess lol but i wish josh could come visit me at work cuz that would be wicked wicked pimp ... but hedoesnt have a car lol ... so wahtever and will came over at like 930 and brought mr.bob a new tank its soo effin pimp its got a light and like a filter deal its soo cool i hope he lieks it... but he didnt seem too happy about like us moving him around so much lol ... trust me i no a happy fish when i see one lol ...umm what else ... uhh ... im tired .... and im like in a goodish mood i think ... and im eatng chocolate why... bahhh why am i eating this shit blahhh..lol ill give it to aija ... hmm
i wanna write down what im thinking ...
right now i wanna be in a feild on a warm summer day and just feel it start to cool off with a light breeze ... like almost toward nightfall ... and watch the the sky go from blue to orange and purple in somones arms
... yea o man i wanna go tanning ... tanning feels like sitting on the beach lol its cool cuz like you just close your eyes and pretend your at the ocean ... sooo awesome ... i really like pulling apart these candy bars lol... that reminds me of supertroopers ... iwanna fucking watch that movie o man its soo awesome lol rightnow !!!!!.... ok well ..imgonna go now ...i htink il prob pop in and out and wriet more shit or throw in some lyrics and then no one will even read this post ... not that it had any importance at all ... but watever ... maybe somone might care ... maybe ...
yea so uhh ... willcalled and asked if i was mad at him for his behavior last night but like i totally forgot that he was being a wicked dick to everyone ... like not to me i guess cuz thats what he said .. all irememebr is him telling me how im soo cool and awesome cuz i care and he kept thanking me soo much lol it was wicked funnie ... but yea pretty soon i gonna go upstairs and listen to some cds ... uhh yea ... call me ifyour up for it anyones???> i guess aijas still sleeping?> lol thats funnie shit lol
O MAN i cant even tell you baout anything else but that ... let me explain ...
alright so yesterday me and aija left and her mom gave her moneyy and wa slike dont spend it on pills from people you dont no and we were like we wont lol it was funnie ... so we get to the show and go on the floor we got there at like 230 and like the good will came on they were incredible and then some shitty band came on and then i think like folly came on and tehy were soo awesmoe the lead singer like jumped on us and i was all molesting him ... this happened with like 3 other bands like the guy from halifax and like hawthrone hieghts SOOO HOOTTT ... os yea anyways and we found stephanie and we chilled with her and at one point she had to use her phone to calll her mom or watever ... and then she couldnt get back in front with us cuz of these stupid bitches so me and aija started pushing eachother and shti and the bitches were like ehhhh stop pushing me im a stupid cunt bag .... well thats what i heard at least AND OMG i saw my friend kayla and i got her number and omg we met bayside SOOOO AWESOME got the autographs and we got spital feild (who was hitting on aija the italian model lol) and hawthorne heights SOOO HOOTT and omg steve o lol o man he was sooo drunk and o man it was sooo funnie and at one point it was quiet when i think halifax was on and like i had my shirt in my pants and it looked l;ike a sausage so like i was like I HAVE A SAUSAGE and the lead singer was like i dunno what you said but thats coool lol o man soo good such a good show and then o man lol we got to wills house after ... hehehehe do i even need to explain myself lol .... cuz im not gonna ... .your just gonna have to guess and then this morning we snuck into aijas room through her window lol so they would think we were already here? lol o well my ears are ringing my throat is sore and im all fucking beat to shit .... STUPID EMO BITCHES need to get kicked in the face ... later
just work and i chilled wiht will and aija and the other such characters that are always a t wills house ... o man i had thee most weirdest dream ... yea me and aija like went to the show and like only like 3 shitty bands showed up because it was raining out and then like bam margera ruined the whole damn show like he just like didnt like let the bands play and then like he broke his neck and everyone cheered.... and then then bands came back ... so yea i had this other dream but like it was even weirder but ... whatever ... so yea umm if you wanna no about that one just ask me cuz i dont feel like writing it but ... otday i gotta go out and develp some pics and get some cameras and shit like that and then like we are gonan go and steph cant go which like uber sucks ... i wonder who else is going today .... aija says devin is going ... yea so o man there is this awesome song by hawthorne heights its called "do you have a map cause im lost in your eyes" its sooo fucking incredible ... they are soo great .... hooray .... i think im getting sick ... im sniffly and my throat hurts and i wanna die ... thats all the signs of me getting sick .... O MAN I LOVE THIS SHIT .. i lov emo lol ... but yea ...umm lol i totally woke up and iw as like yea i wicked miss josh and wanna chill with him hard core cuz like i dunno it prob has to do with the second dream i had that im too lazy to post cuz it would take a wicked long time to do it .... but yea i hve to lke figure out whats going on today so ill ottaly talk to you later ... later
lol yea so i was like kinda trying to fix it and then like i snaped the metal part off of it and now theres no place to keep the keyboard ... so like ... now its on the desk and it feels really weird lol ... o man if you could only see the way that im sitting its sooo funnie .. i have on of my legs on top of my monitor and the other on the top of the desk and my hands are inbetween my legs and they are typing on the keyboard on the desk lol ... good good stuff ... so yea umm yea ... lol i got my phone back but like this morning i was wicked wicked pissed cuz they wouldnt give me my phone and then the meds kicked in and i was fine i totally forgot why i was even mad but watever so yea then like i dunno what happened i just like went to clases and shit and i dont no but like yea i went to practice and got all covered in mud and shit it was good stuff im still covered in mud cuz im really really lazy ill prob like get changed and get cleand in like a lil bit ... o mg fucking hawthorne heights are sooo aweomse cant wait for saturday ... but yea umm ... i dunno whats going on right now ... umm i kinda feel upset ... like sad and stuff ... like lonely lol which is funnie .... i have soo much attention but its not what i want i could be liked and loved my trillions of people but .... i dunno ... its different when you have connection with them ... i duno and im just thinking about that i have like so many people but ... lke i dunno ... i dont think anyone connects with me as much as i want them to ... like i dunno like for example ... like i like to chill with them but they are like watever and they just pretend that they do ??? i dunno lol ... and everyone is just looking for ass this year which makes me soo sad ... cuz its so ick... bah i hate that ... i hate people .. .i hate when people get used i hate when people use other people....
"I just want to be liked for the right reasons by the right people is all ... but it never happens that way I have to suffer with a broken heart all the time ... I never get a break from it its always there tearing little by little with every breath and sight of someone maybe someone ... but not no someone for me ... not today not next week not ever ... no ... guys just hurt they are assholes and designed to hurt if life was perfect then guys would be sweet and true and honest and love you for who you are not by the way you look and cherish the little things about you ... and not because you fucked them ... but that’s how they are thinking with teh I don’t know I just don’t want to be hurt or hurting anymore I just want to be held" ... do you see that ... i posted that ... isnt that theee most emoest thing you have ever read ... ive been trying to find it for like the past half hour ... this is how i feel ALL THE TIME ... i wish i could write like that all the time ... ive been hurt so many times ... by so many different people ... i wish i could ... idont even no .. theres so many things that i wish i could have done and should have done to prevent myself from becoming so fucked up .... why didnt i take those chances .. .was it fate ??? maybe i have something better instore ... hopefully .... loneliness with so many people around you is soo akward ... its uncomfortable ... i just wanna feel whole again ... ihave so much love in me ... and its escaping through the wounds that people have created ...
i really dont no where i was going with that but ... whatever ...oman i just remmebr i have homeowrk ... and i remembered i wrote a post that i need to look at for further refrence on many subjects (its ok if you dont get that last statement .. itsjust for me cuz thats what im thinking ) lol
what would happen if like someone just poured out everything they thought out on to a paper constantly .... liekl would you read the book that is their mind ... would you invade somones privacy just to see what other people think ??? like if you really had a choice would you pick to keep that persons privacy or would you let your curiousity get the better of you ...
hmm o well im gonna go doo homework ... later
lol this is funie because i bet you didnt think i was gonna talk about such serious topics with that pussy title ...
YEA I GOT MY FUCKING CELL PHONE TAKIN AWAY CUZ I FUCKING LOOKED AT IT I FUCKING OMG AND THEN I WENT TO GO FUCKING GET IT AND THE FUCKING DEAN DIDNT HAVE IT... WEHRE IS IT ... I DONT FUCKING NO but i couldnt just walk around the school to go and find it because i had to catch my fucking bus so i could go to fucking work ... now i dont have anyones numbers and IM GONNA FUCKING KILL SOMEONE i fucking HATE MY FUCKING SCHOOL I FUCKING HATE ALL THE FUCKING TEACHERS AND HOPE THYE ALL FUCKING BURN IN HELL FUCKING BUNCH OF FUCKING DOUCHE BAGS THAT NEED TO SUFFER PAINFUL HORRIBLE DEATHS
well by default but as long as you pass the only girl on their team thats all that matters ... cuz a bitch that trains with those hott guys ... i mean good runners must be good ... lol yea so i came in 6 mins more than the last race cuz it was the same size but o man i just wanted to be the first girl soo fucking bad lol o man that bitch musta been pissed ... i had a wicked good day and like o man the captain of their team GORGEOUS lol ... and i talked to him ... but watever thats not important
umm yea awesome day tho ... im kinda upset about this weekend tho ... like im soo ofucking busy im working friday and sunday and i have that show on saturday ... so its like i really wanna chill with josh again ... and it sucks taht i cant ... : ( aww sad face ... but yea
umm that like lion or watever at school turned out to be a bob cat .. it was funie and like it was on the news ...
my lungs hurt ... lol CROSS COUNTRY STAR RUNNER / CAPTAIN lol
thats me
o man at the meet today there was all these people standing at the corner telling people to vote and shit and like they were throwing like pamphlets in the window and i yelled DONT FORCE YOUR RELIGION ON US and this lady gave me like theee dirtiest look lol and everyone laughed it was funnie ... at least i think so lol o well
alright im out bitches love ya bye
i have like thee best day and everyone else is having shitty ones its fucked up and now its making me feel liek shit ... i dont even no like i still am in a good mood buts its weird cuz i have so much negativity going on ... it maybe aijas meds ... whatever lol later
ok so yea .. my dad comes in hes all effed up and fucking mumbling stupid shit that i have no idea what the hell he is talking about ... sometimes i wish he could see himself ... he is so much of a better person .. I FUCKING HATE DRUNK PEOPLE i hate people altogether right now ... i just like wanna jump off a pier with cement blocks tied to my ankles ... i hate everything ... its soo irritating ... i fucking hate it ... i hate how people treat me ... and talk to me and ... i dont even no im just so pissed and depressed and shit its soo fucking retarded WTF IS WRONG ... i dont understand how ican just fucking go from so estatic one day and the next feel like complete and total shit ... is teenage hormones really realy this fucking bad ... god damn this fucking suck ... this must be why suicide is one of the most leading causes of death of teenagers ... this shit is crazy ... why am i being wicked crazy ... why ... why cant i just be like ... content... just content that would be great ... or like something ... im so flustered and ... sigh ... i dunno like ... i dunno i was thinking to my self earlier
like how when we are young and niave we trust everyone our parents and grandparents and everyone just anyone we would me ... then you meet the bastards and people that fuck you up and your never the same again ... and then you will see the true faces ofyour heros ... the shitty fucks that created you ... and you can tell that if you never came about they would still be out partying with their friends ... their lives would be soo much fucking easier without you ... and you can tell this when you get older and they are more likely to let their gaurd down and forget that they are putting on a show until they think its good and alright ... when people are so nice to you when your little ... i cant even talk to my grandparents because they dont accept me for who i am ... even tho like im not really anything all that different i effing dyed my hairwhatever thats soo messed up i hate people especialy fake ones
i understand that you may not understand my point but as long as i have said that i feel a whole shit load better
i dunno whats going on but likeim sooo fucking tired i wanna just fall over and like ifeel icky and im just bahh ... not good im not in a good mood ... maybe i need to take a bath and calm down ... maybe thats what im gonna do ... maybe a shower ... just to calm me down ... or like relax me a bit it always makes me feel better after ... always ... then ill put on some pjs and relax .. maybe itll amke me feel better ... mabye ... lol i spelt maybe rong lol im soo cool ... o man ihate being all out of it and shit it sucks ... i like didnt even talk to anyone today cuz like my tiredness is over whelming and i wanna get mr.bob some fishy toys cuz his house is soo boring and i was trying to find a background for is lil fishy bowl but i couldnt find anything good ... ill findsomething eventually ... alright i think im gonna go and do something .. hopefully feel better ... ok
love ya bye
i forgot ... i got fish food for mr.bob and hesnot dead ... HOORAY hes lasted two days in my room without dieing ... hes a good fish... i love him
ok yesterday .... WAS SOO AWESOME ... lol o man i couldnt do a weekend better my self ... this is like when me and aija used to do this everyweekend before igot a job abd before school ended last year .... o man ... o ... if i could just like ok ill tell the story... theres alot oflike it missing but might rememeber as i go on...
ok so after work i chilled with josh and like as soon as we left my house we went to bartlett and did whatever .. so then like aija called and i was like laughing at her cuz i couldntt alk to her lol it was soo funnie and then like she was gona come and hciill with us (which kinda suckd cuz i wasnted to hang out iwth josh alone for once butwaterve) lol i have so many typos .. so anyways and then she came like an hour later and i was liek layin on the floor in the front seat of the car ... it was comfy lol and then we did it again ... and then ... we went somwehre i think mcdonalds lol .. or burger king and we like picked up chad and we went to the mall lol and then .. i dunno why we wentbut like josh got pissed at aija cuz like she wanted to play on some game but she did ??? lol i have no idea lol and then we went and hung out with chad and did whatever i think .. with aija and ..??? or maybe we went to wills and got more first and then droped aija off ??? i really have no idea .... umm so then like i hugn out with just chad and josh for awhile and then i went to dereks party ... which was cool and i did more lol o man i coudlnt even see ... o man i wish i could remember more ... we went to baypath at some point and like we were gonna go to the beach or something nd iwanted to go to the ocea and then we were like in charlton like driving around and it reminded me of a movie ... and my dad called and talked to me i dont no this is so much shit and i dont no how it goes in order ... and my legs hurt really bad .. i dunno yesterday was funn and i fell asleep on wilsl bed cuz icuodlnt do anymore of anything cuz like i would have died ... so yea i thik thats what happend
but o man i had soo much fun .. chillin wiht josh and shit helly ea lol
and stuff so yea im out cuz im lol whatever WHATEVER I DOTN CARE lol buy lol
O MAN we did really really good which is way better than ihad expected I CAME IN FIRST FOR OUR GIRLS and i was second girl in for like teh all of the girls AND WE WON so exciting im in a good mood but im really really tired .. and i wanna tlak to josh and i really really really erally wanna hang out iwth him tomorrow cuz hes sooo aweomse and fantastic and the best guy and nicest lol ... teh ... yea
lol
umm but i have to go and let my gramma use the computer so laterz umm ill talk to yallz later love ya bye
...yeap ... tired .. i almsot assed out on the bus ...
Hey there
I know it's hard to feel like I don't care at all
Where you are and how you feel
Put these lights off as these wheels
Keep rolling on and on
(And on and on and on)
Slow things down or speed them up
You're running now for way too much
(And on and on and on)
How are you when I’m gone
And I can't make it on my own
(And I can't make it on my own)
Because my heart is in Ohio
So cut my wrists and black my eyes
(Cut my wrists and black my eyes)
So I can fall asleep tonight and die
Because you kill me
You know you do, you kill me well
You like it too, and I can tell
You never stop until my final breath is gone
Spare me just three last words
"I love you" is all she heard
I'll wait for you, but I can't wait forever (x2)
And I can't make it on my own
(And I can't make it on my own)
Because my heart is in Ohio
So cut my wrists and black my eyes
(Cut my wrists and black my eyes)
So I can fall asleep tonight and die
Because you kill me
You know you do, you kill me well
You like it too, and I can tell
You never stop until my final breath is gone
(You kill me well)
So cut my wrists and black my eyes (you)
(Kill) my final breath is gone
(Me) so I can fall asleep tonight (well)
And I can't make it on my own
(And I can't make it on my own)
Because my heart is in Ohio
So cut my wrists and black my eyes
(Cut my wrists and black my eyes)
So I can fall asleep tonight and die
Because you kill me
you know you do, you kill me well
You like it too, and I can tell
You never stop until my final breath is gone
(You kill me)
awesome song its awesome ... it gives me chills thats how good lol ... im ni a good mood but tired ...i bit nervous about my meet which is weird cuz im usually not nervous baout stuff liek that cuz ... im just not that kind of person ... uhh yea so now im doing work and ive convinced joe to sit next to me so he can help me lol ... umm yea but i have to go do work later loves
he is the most awesomest guy who comes and visits me at work and keeps me company so that im not all bored and lonely ... hes so awesome it makes me happy lol ...
(ill talk after the lyrics ... they set the mood lol)**
the sharper the edge,the cleaner the wound
so i'll be keeping it dull tonight,for i deserve to hurt
disfigure the outside to show how ruined i am
there's no pain and no pleasure when you're too numb to feel
there's a pedistal across the room,
and if i try to climb again
this time the fall is fatal
i dont deserve such an easy exit
so maybe my, spine will snap on impact
and i'l have to crawl away
i'm ready to take that big step
start tearing off the layers i put up
or is it too late to feel anything but what i am?
i dare to find a problem
now it seems, we can fix anything
Just close the door and let me do what I need,
'cause it's better for us if you just let me leave.
****alrighty soy ea im in a wicked shitty mood ... IM FUCKING SOOO TIRED im sooo excited to fucking sleep in .. even tho i still have to work at 9 its better than waking up at likel fucking 530 ... but itskinda my fault that i stayed up (well its all my fault) but i couldnt help it cuz i was talking to josh ... who is like theeee nicest guy ever and he doesnt even understand how awesome he is ... so umm but yea ... im tired and wicked bitchy ... and my mom is like gonna ground me pretty soon for it too ... which is wicked fucked up cuz shes beign more bitchier than i am cuz her fucking mom is coming ... and shes all tweaking about the house being clean and i dont really have time right now to clean i mean yesterday i had an hour and a half to get changed and eat and just sit ... theni worked my ass off cuz it was hard core at work and im gonna have to do it all over again todaybut im only gonna have and hour and hten on friday i have a meet and then my grammas gonna be here when i fuckin get home adn then i have to work saturday 9- 3 but i hope i can chill with josh after work cuz that would totally make my day soo much better ... see the prob with me is im stressed out ... andim sticking by it ... i mean really that has to be it cuz liek my calender ... is soo full its crrazy .... and people think its funnie when im mad too so that makes shit worse so they liek provoke it .... wtf but yea umm im listening to one of jessenias emo kid mixes lol .. its good ... umm yea so now im gonna go and play mario for bit before i have to do work .... josh is awesome
christmas is a load of bs anyways ... its so dumb and over commercialized ... teh not like halloween isnt but the point of christmas has liek vanished now its all stress and bull hsit and a waste of energy to be "happy" ... HAPPY wtf is that HAPPINESS does not exisist its not even an emotion .. its a false hope ... its something thtas soo unattenable by anyone and is always wanted by everyone ... and people think the person next to them may be happy ... and they cant be its either a charade or they dont understand what the are actually feeling ... if they are "happy" about a person they like ... thats more like lust ... or if they are "happy" they got a raise they are being greedy ... whatever tho ... halloween is better ... cuz its not based on money and posession ... and all this "happiness" ... teh if they mean stress, irritating family , and shit they dont need by happiness than holy shit i always hav ethe happiest holidays
ok lol im done
uhh yea i dunon what the hell we are doing in here but like ... im playing mario cuz joe found a way to get to the c and the zip files from last year ... SOOO GOOOD ... lol so yea umm thats what im doing all day and i like almost all the way beat this one but ... my name got deleted ... fna ... alright im outttie .. TO THE LYRICS ...
I think I’m crazy baby
I let you off the hook too easily
If you were a telephone you'd still be off the hook.
This is my last leg, been awake for days,
in a minute I'll die of starvation
I'll come back a ghost,
back to haunt you and float around your room.
What do I do when you get close?
If I kiss your neck, would you slit my throat?
Are you thinking of me when you're putting on your make-up darling'?
Dying your hair like you do?
Well, you’re wasting your time if you’re trying to impress me,
I waste all my time just thinking of you.
I'm not imagining how you give me the shivers,
standing up to your waist in your river.
You’re the sweetest boat builder I think I've ever seen.
Dream in Japanese, dream in Japanese,
Some language I don't even know how to speak.
But your still pretty, I am still choked up,
it's probably just the same.
The more I hang around you,
the more hang ups I get.
Are you thinking of me when you're putting on your make-up darling'?
Dying your hair like you do?
Well, you’re wasting your time if you’re trying to impress me,
I waste all my time just thinking of you.
I know that you're an angel,
but you could never stay true.
Hey Angel, I think your halo has a screw loose
Cause you drop me like a brick off the rooftop of your high school.
Could I watch the next time you're applying you eyeliner,
I waste all my time just thinking of you.
sooo cute i love that song ... i wanna see brand new again ... soo hott so sexy ... so INCREDIBLE ... lol ok bye my loves
yea third post today ... im wicked tired ... and wicked got a short fuse problem not just like for my temper but like ... even just every emotion changes with a drop of a hat ... why have i been acting like this ... its soo weird ... maybe its stress??? too much shit ... o well im not erally worried abotushit but my attitude its kinda hard core ... so anyways umm ... lets see .. practice was good ... i wanna knock that kid steve out tho and dube gave me a ride for some of the course cuz hes cool like that lol ... umm nothing wicked exciting at home jsut more fucking cleaing ... its fucing gay ... like im gonna have to clean now alright im out bye
im kinda feeling a lil like these lyrics for the past weekish???
.....I am moody and messy
I get restless and it’s senseless
How you never seem to care
When I’m angry you listen
Make me happy it’s your mission
And you won’t stop till I’m there
Fall, sometimes I fall so fast
When I hit that bottom crash
You’re all I have
Ohhhh
It seems like I can finally
Rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhh
It’s as if you know me better
Than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
How do you know?
Everything I’m about to say
Am I that obvious?
And if it’s written on my face
I hope it never goes away
Yea .....
lol o well who the hell cares anymore lol ... umm so yea uhh i love this song ... well its kinda over played but its got a good message ... it makes me feel all warm and smiley lol ... aww im soo awesome ... yea ... ummm im in a good mood listening to good music and just soaking up the uhh .. i cant think of the work lol watever im in a good mood right now ... i think i have typing in a bit ... eww i think they are gonna try to teach us bahhh
just chillin and talking to jess ... but like yea .. uhh i have practice and shit ... and thats kinda exciting but like i only can go one day cuz i have work and then i have a meet on like friday my first one and my gramma is coming down ... but like yea im bored and i cant print ... cuz they effed up my profile in the school network ... o well ... umm i hope i come home from practice early ... maybe ill do something cool ... i dont even no what to do .... i mean im not making anysense ...lol i drank alot of coffee this morning so im being RIDICULOUS lol .. uhh yea umm call me if you care lol or text me .. lol YAY lol ok im out love ya bye
lol this post makes no sense cuz im talking to people i love me
... i dont no why ..but i feel sick and lonely ... and hurt ???? just disappointed and dejected ... this has been theee fucking worst four day weekend ever ... and now im home and like as soon as i walk in the house my moms telling me that if i dont clean my room by tomorrow morning im grounded from everything except practice school and work and meets ... so it would jsut be like my life normally ... cept she was thinking about taking away the internet ... o no like i dont play on it all day in school ... thats just fucked up ... when your paretns try to punish you but its the same as your life is when your not punished ... its like wtf why even bother ... but watever i like wicked dont feel good at all .. i just wanna curl up in a ball and cry ... lol what a lil emo bitch ... o well ...
later
yea ... wtf ... no partying no drinking ... no drugs ... wtf this is a weekend A LONG WEEKEND and not once have i been not able to talk , think or act straight ... just like being crazy today ... that all i had ... and im like all weird and tempermental and emotional ... which hasss to be pms ... WTF yea ... excitement abotu that ... but watever umm .. today was lke alright cuz i mean me and aija did somet of the photo book and like will came i dunno like today was alright when i wasnt around my parents .. but like i dunno i got to hang out with josh and talk and shit which was cool ... i like to takl .. a really alotso i guess thats a good thing for me ... maybe not so much for him lol .... but yea umm so i was being all crazy and like hitting people and shti today ... which isnt like me at all i was jsut being totaly ridiculous ... cuz ican and like it was kinda fun but watever ... so im hoping tomrroww will be a better day but i all need to clean my room and do jeffs house tomorrow ... which sucks and then i have shcool but at least i have shop which is uber good uhh so yea uhh enough of that im done typing in this shitt later bitches
OK OMG IM SO TOTALLY GOIGN TO THAT SHOW im going to fucking skatefest and its gonna be incredible ... im sooo fucking excited dude like today at work sucked cuz i didnt work with becky but who cares im going to a show lol ... the excitement so yea anyways umm WOOO omg i read this card today i wanted to by it jsut cuz it was soo funnie it was like
the other day i notice two squirrels circleiing around a tree and i thought to my self ... their relationship consists of only sex and on the inside it was like ... ours is all about love .... and then at the bottom it was like .... (and sex)
i thought it was sooo funnie lol but yea watever .... IM SOO EXCITED
FUCKING WORK i dont wanna do it ... i dont wanna go out tonight i just wanna snuggle up and be safe at home ... i feel secure here even tho its boring but i no i wont get let down if i dont set myself up for it so yea i just have work and i went shopping iwth my mom and got panties and bras and shit ... and like this kid that was checking us out at the register was liek can i haveyour zip code (he was wicked cute lol i looked like shit obviously) but i was like uhh yea i have one and hes like well could you tell me and im like sure lol i looked like an ass but he was cool about it and hes lkike got all flusterd cuz i was like ... im soo hott gonna pick up some hott guys tonight AT WORK damn dont i look hot and then when we left my mom was like chell he was totally checking you out and all that and i was like teh if you werent here id totally woulda been hittin on him and shes like sorry and i was like teh you better be lol .... so yea and shes like o yea and he got to touch your panties and everything lol but yea i dunno its cool and i got a new shirt for work whcih is cool and panties that have a name tag and say joe lol soooo pimp lol
uhh yea so im gonna go now later
i wish they had an emotion for that ... yea like today was like theeee best let down and was just really weird and akward ... it just was like one disapointment after another ... and like i dont know how to feel about stuff ... like its weird ... but like im so sad i wanna cry hard core and aijas like shes gonna yell at me and i was like i dont even no what the hell you are talkinga botu im not in a bad mood ... yea i bought ticks to skate fest but i duno if i can even go so its like wtaever ... so i blew my paycheck on that but like im so empty right now its like i should be doing something but im not ... why not i could but i didnt and i should so no we are in the hosue at midnight when we dont even have to be ... no one is here ... my heart feels broken ... im sorry if my statements dont mak any sense its like my brain is runing sooo fast and its like im sooo quiet i dont even wanna talk im just silent .... and its cuz like i dont no what to thihnk ... seeing aija and will like that was really .... weird .... i like i wicked like hanging out with josh ... i kinda wish it was just like me and him tho ... but like i duno what the hell thats all about .... i dont no im so ... hysterical and no one isaround to talk to ... no one wants to talk to me baout shit like this its too sad to talk about ... dont bring shit like this into conversations ... its impolite ... i like feel like i just got busted for doing something bad ... but i didnt ... like i feel all anxious and scared ... and confused like what am i gonna do ... i dont have any fucking money and my mom is bringing me shopping ... no money at all i dont no what im gonna do ... o man .... somone please call me .. ill be up all night tweaking out ... it would be cool to hear a calm colected voice ... but thtas just me
so yea im out i guess
yea this is like the 8th time i came to write a post and i finally did lol i just got lazy ... but yea im like wicked bored ... i guess aija is still effin sleeping so like im just sitting around by myself and i went to the bank and cashed my check so now i have some coinage which is awesome ... but i really should of depositted it but watever ill get over it .... umm yea so im just sitting around ... it sucks ... i woke up at 9 and did my nanas checks too and shit ... i dunno im kinda like feeling dejected ... but watever i wish i had school this day woulda gone by soooo much faster but nope ... alright tho im out for now love ya bye
yea so i worked with becky and i swore i knew hher from somewhere and we relized it was cuz we both went to one of ashleys parties and chilled but working with her is wicked fun and josh and faford came in which was pimp cuz work is soooo fucking boring ... they are soo cool i hope i can hang out with him tomorrow it would be pimp o yea i called aija ad she was all effed and i was kinda disappointed cuz i wanted to talk to her because its cool to be excited when your sober .. it sucks taking to somone effed up its jsut hard lol but yea im out love ya bye
uhh alright day it was just shop and i played rune scape all day with jessenia and joe it was alright ... and i helped coach sort the uniforms and uhh then i hung up posters with jessenia ... but yea i have to work ... well get ready for work soon ... which sucks ... but i udnno what the hell is going on tomorrow but i hope aija straightens everything out tonight ... alright later
O MAN I WANNA RIP PEOPLES HEADS OFF AND FUCKING STUFF THEM DOWN THEIR OPENINGS IN THEIR THROATS ... I JUST WANNA KNIFE EM UP AND TELL THEM TO LEAVE ME THE EFF ALONE AND TO FUCKING JUST PISS OFF ... WTF MATES IM NOT IN A GOOD MOOD DONT MAKE ANY SUDDEN MOVEMNETS ... I REALLY JUST WANNA SIT AROUND AND TALK CALMLY ABOUT SOMETHING ... IM SO HEATED I CAN FEEL MY FACE GETTING HOTT ... IM JUST MAD AT MY HOLE FAMILY ... THEY MAKE TOO MUCH NOISE AND ASK TOO MANY QUESTIONS ... JUST LEAVE ME ALONE ... PLEASE ... DAMNIT ... DONT SPEAK TO ME UNLESS SPOKEN TO AND PLEASE JUST GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY WAY BEFORE I GO CRAZY .... HOLY SHIT ... not that im not already crazy ... BUT IM FUCKING PISSSED I DONT EVEN NO WHY BUT IM JUST REALLY IRRITATED ... i prob didnt get enough sleep and i feel like shit ... like real shit ... hard core cuz like i just feel like somone took a cheese grader to my face for and hour or so and like they injected me with silicone in all the rong places and my hair is liek straw ... and looks like bad ... bahh somone just shoot me dead... but not really
yea so i dont really care about school ... fuckin a but yea umm i dunno nothing exciting the teachers tried motivating us to do work but that wasnt gonna happen ... so yea that blew bu today at practice i totally kicked ass and like i did two miles and i dint stop and i mean i havent ran in like a month im gonna be sore as fuck ... and my lungs feel all lke wicked worked out lol ... so yea im a fucking captain too me and aija its fucking pimp ... we are cool but it sucks i cant go to pratice tomorrow cuz i have to work ... im sooo tired its ridiculous ... i kinda miss being tired like this from running i feel likei accomplished something ... because i have .... im awesome i feel soo good ... yay ... but my mom pissed me off when i was driving home cuz she makes me all nervous and i just wanted to stop the car and be like get the fuck out before i knife you up ... i was gonna stop in like fucking traffic to uber piss her off but i thought twice about it cuz im cool but yea i was still wicked pissed ... umm yea so now im gonna go and chill
later bitches
I'll be your friend in hell, until then I despise you. And I probably always will. I cant afford to make another mistake like this. Cause this is more than I can take. I don't mean to leave angry, this is by your own device. I'm sure this comes as no surprise.
My Memories
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My Blabberbox
My Friends
Da boy
melissa
kristyn
Aija
Josh's old
Josh
Joey
Joe
Jessenia
My Space
Aija's Space
Josh's Space
Stephy's Space
