holy crap ... after walking home and thinking about what the hell happened to me and why i have become such a fuck up i get this from will in the mail:


A Battle Of Will.



They way I see it i'm nuts…. You might ask me, “why is that will?” well, the definition for crazy would be that you point of views, and your way of thinking, would be completely outlandish to the thinking of you peers. If everyone in the would thinks the sky is purple, and you still think its blue. Guess what, there is no way to prove, no matter how clear you see it, that the damn sky is blue. So why so I, everyday, want to run out into the streets screaming it? It’s a very twisted world. I think people like me exist almost to be like a ying yang effect. There is so much evil in this country, hell there’s more evil in this town then I can comprehend. So people like me are born, to keep the balance. My job in life is to help people be not exactly, but alitle more like me, “good”. Help them make “good” decisions. The problem is I suck at it. Besides what give me the right to tell people what to do. I see it as the best thing for them, but what if im wrong, or crazy. Maybe i’m just the exception to the rule, maybe all other people on this god forsaken earth need to be stupid asshole teens, and need to fuck there themselves up. Maybe its all dedicated to them learning a lesson. A lesson that is needed to become the adult the need to be, or kill them… A lesson I learned in rehab meeting with my mother, at 6. My family has told me that I grew up at 9, I was 9 going on 25. I never felt the effect of puberty. I never was incomprehensible, I ALWAYS and I mean always had the ability for abstract thought. I had my head on my shoulders for as long as I can remember. Why can I just make one person see the lesson that I learned o so long ago. Why am I cursed to watch ever person I fall in love with crash, and burn. I had a friend who freshmen year was studying for the sat’s, she had sex once, and regretted it. She was pretty, talented, and smart as a whip. She doesn’t know it but back then she could argue anything with me. Now she’s become close minded, she cant even argue her own points, she drinks, smokes, and god only knows what else. She’s failing (so much for the sat’s) she has unprotected sex on a regular basis, knowing “she can always just murder her child in an abortion clinic”, lol that not a real quote.. but its close enough. I mean who y cant people do the right thing, because it’s the right thing to do. Why do we need a reason to be good. Are people as a whole, that far gone? Are we that misguided. How are we going to protect ourselves, and run this country. If all we do is fuck off. I find it hard to believe that this is nesisary to making a good person in the long run. Well maybe i’m not crazy, maybe i’m just the last of a dieing breed. Unfortunately for me, unless I can figure out how to help the world, that how ill die, alone. And the last of my kind. Everyday is a fight, one that I will take to my grave. A fight that drives me insane with rage and despair. But now at least I have been shown finally, by the people I have given the lable of my friends that it is.. a hopeless fight. I am not going to help the ones I love, simply drive them away. So I need to take it down a notch and let them make the mistakes, untile I learn how to teach them. Who knows maybe i’m not here to change the world, maybe this is punishment for something i've done before. lol what a great irony if that’s true. Punish the evil, by giving him a hyper conchens. God I hate this place.



“A tiger sensing his death will never go quietly into the night, knowing his own demise lies ahead. He takes his last breath and goes down fighting.”



“ If I can draw but one drop of blood before I fall, then I will die a happy man.”


im fucking crying my eyes out .. i duno why ... i duno if like its ... i just duno im so fucking confused right now i wanna like seriously just get shot ... everytime somone like will tries to help mei do push them away ... and i dont listen .. why i duno ... but i try to help aija soo much and she does it to me ... wtf ... sigh .. i hate fucking being a teenager so much for the best years of my life ... yea best years of my life doing drugs and partying getting hurt and trampled on ... no one cares in high school and why should they ... it doesnt matter how you feel ... im not even making sense