now that i look back at all the shit i have done ... why do i do it ... is it bragging rights or am i just an idiot or is it because its just like some sort of weird phase that we all go through at some point .. but if its a phase then why dont all people do like all this bad stuff ... i dont understand maybe some people are jsut smarter and some people might not be able to live life to the fullest for fears of their own self ... scared of what the out come may be later on ... they may think that they will turn out terrible ... but it doesnt happen all the time ... but they just cant trust themselves i suppose ... but as for my self im starting to believe i cant trust myself ... because if i was smart i would have not done all the shit i did on saturday but i did it ... and that makes me believe that if i cant stop my self now wat would stop me in the future ??? i no my friends wouldnt and that makes me question my friends ... should my friends had stoped me and my poor judgement ... but why didnt i stop them it was jsut as much my fault as theirs what we did but i dont think aija regrets it one bit ... why do i do it when i no ill regret it ... now that i only do it once in a blue moon i wonder why do i even do it at all if i dont like the consequences ... maybe im just thinking all this because im sick and hungover ... but the sad thing of all this is that i probably wouldnt stop myself from doing it again ... that scares me ... who is gonna stop me before i go overboard ...no one but myself ...