so yea maybe i do wanan bitch and complain and might as wel do it here cuz its not like any one listens or even cares ... like really do you ever think that when you talk to somone they just sit there and think about what they want to say ... they dont actually care watso ever at all what you are saying ... so this really does make conversation pointless ... but this isnt even the reason why im bitching ... look i just ranted about bitching ... this is gonna be a long one ... so yea ... i dunno i just feel like( this is were everything is gonan go down hill so if you dont wanna feel hurt or somthing stop reading ... i soooo totally warned you ... im in a bad mood and just feel unwanted and im just gonna let it all out now) ... alright .. so on the topic of not feeling wanted ... the only reason why im wanted to go to that party is cuz everyone there wants to see me get drunk ... first of all im not even in the mood to even get fucked up i dont even wanna ... like i just wanna stay home and watch movies in my pjs ... really ... i havent really even thought about gettng fucked up since new years just cuz its not important to me ... i dont need it i have all i need ... at least pretty much ... ive realized that i dont need substances to get me over things .. i thought i had friends but maybe its just myself ... i keep myself up because no one else does and im not saying that som of you dont help and obviously the one thats there the most is josh ... because really hes great .... but yea ... josh ... why couldnt he jsut tell me what he did last night ... that disapoints methe most ... i thought we had an open relationship but i guess not ... i thoguht we were honest to one another ... but watever ... im not even mad just disappointed ... and then like i dunno i was thinking like ... if i ever erally got into some shit who would i trust to help me (besides josh) ...... hmm ... who wouldnt say anything to anyone about anything ... if i needed them to ... i really cant think of anyone that would do that ... beacuse most of the people i hang out with are extrememly fucking selfish .. they think of nothing but them selves ... yea ... cuz they are cool and i dunno i always try to help everyone really like ... i saved aija from her house ... yea ... but im not even gonna go into that cuz im not mad at her but like i dunno i couldnt see her going way out of her way to do something but watever i have to get ready for work .... and i just ranted cuz id feel bad to do this to josh cuz hes the only one that actually listens to me ... i really love him for it tho .... but yea cuz no one else would fucking take ONE DAMN MINUTE nope ... so im gonna go leave bye