.... i cant believe im even like living ...like seriously ...(i can tell right now this is gonna be a long one) .... i am totally digusted with myself ... like seriously i saw my self in the mirror and i feel like sick its gross and terrible ... like thinking shit bad shit ... i dont like to think i dont wann be home ... i come home the doors locked and like it was like no one was home i was like wow wat the fuck im locked out so then like 5 minutes later my dad comes hes like wow why dont you come in at a decent hour and i was like wow dad 9 oclock isnt even bad and hes like i have work and i was like well dad your usually up till 11 anyways im sorry for inconviencing you and hes liek yea whatever bitch but he mumbled that so yea ... feeling ugly and unwanted ... my favorite things ... i wanna go for a run sooo bad like really im thinking about going and doing that so maybe ill just run around the block a few times .... yea sounds good im gonna do it ... maybe ill feel better ... later