... things i have realized...

im am an anxious fucking mess ... im scared of everything ... i dont like being in big groups of people ... i cant handle being late ... i feel like a failure at everything i do .... i cant even call in delivery ... i think i have social anxiety ... maybe but i dunno cuz i odnt seem that way ... but like ... i really can just go and do anthing ... im so scared about school im soo stressed out ... i dont even know why tho ... why cant i just sit down and study .... why cant i just fucking clean my room ... save my money ... or fucking be a good person ... i have all this time do to all my work but i have no ambition ... i dont know what the fuck is rong with me ... and i cant talk to my mom cuz ill get yelled at for being lazy ... but its like everytime i start doing homeowrk i get a little panicky because its soo hard and it frustrates me and i just close my book and dance off to my next unfinished task ... why do i continue being like this its 1130 and i still havent showered... i wanna go running but every time i lace up my shoes i hesitate and take them back off again ... maybe sitting and doing nothing is more fuckin fun than doing anything ... or as far as im concerned it is ... i get soo nervous in situations with people i dont know with large crowds ... i dont even have any intrest in going to any shows ... i feel soo lame ... i feel like no one understand anything ... and as soon as they try to help they dont care anymore ... wtf