im soo exhaustedly scared ... scared of living and scared of dieing... and when it comes down to it living is really a life or death battle... your small descions dictate what will happen to you in the future... more and more i dont know what is going on... i feel like im living a nightmare ... not like im suffering its just like a bad dream ... ya know that bad kind that you try to fall asleep after but you keep reliving it over and over and you try to make it better but you just cant ... theres no way ... you keep trying to escape your fears and even face them but they become more terrifying ... i have no idea what i want to do ...


i feel soo alone ... all the time ... even if there are people around me all the time ... i feel soo empty that no one really cares ... im just that background music in the soundtrack of their life... ill be remebered but not for who i was but just those stupid things i was there for ... i dont know what is going on i dont know whats rong with me my brain i cant think straight ... i feel like watever ... i dont care about consequences anymore ... like watever whats the worst that will happen probably wont and what if i die ... so what who cares ... fine ... i dont care i dont care about anything i dont care if my parents get pissed i dont care if i get hurt ... im soo past depression i cant even feel anymore ... i cant feel simple things i cant feel emotions i just fake everything ... my laughs are fake my smiles are fake and anyone that would really know me would notice this but they dont ... i think i need to go someplace ... or something ... i just wanan go away .. get swallowed up in the darkness of this sick dream i keep living .... i dont even care ...

its like when i feel like this everything around me gets hazy and i become numb ... like visually i cant see as well i cant feel as well ... i dont tickle ... i have no soul .... maybe thats whats wrong ...